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View Full Version : "You don't remember me"


deathbatgurl
08/31/08, 03:56 PM
You're inside my head, inside my heart.
You're so far away,
but you were just so close.
You left me with painful memories,
driving me closer to instanity.
But you don't remember me.

You don't know how you hurt me.
You walked out on me like i was nothing.
All those memories pass me by,
scarring me ever time.
You'll never understand,
nor will you ever want to,
how you took everything from me.
You don't even know me.
You don't remeber me.

I wake to a nightmare.
You're so fake.
What i thought was love is betrayl.
You don't even know who you are.
Your lies pierced my soul,
and took me into despair.
How do you now what love is,
when you can live so easily without me.
You don't even rember me.

Note: I've never shared any of my songs or poems w/ anybody, so this one might kinda suck. im not sure if im completly done w/ it or not., cuz sometimes i come up w/ new stuff and add to it. Any suggestions to make it better is appreciated! I also have another one written in my blog, so somebody can check that one out 2...

Idlewarrior
08/31/08, 05:27 PM
It's not bad, it's easy to understand, which isn't always a bad thing, but it's close to cliche. My main advice, would be to simply be careful on what words you choose to express, and also, the message is clear, but to who is not. Which adds mystery to it, and makes me really like it. I love imagining things like that, but hey, that's just me.

deathbatgurl
08/31/08, 05:58 PM
It's not bad, it's easy to understand, which isn't always a bad thing, but it's close to cliche. My main advice, would be to simply be careful on what words you choose to express, and also, the message is clear, but to who is not. Which adds mystery to it, and makes me really like it. I love imagining things like that, but hey, that's just me.
yeah, thanx.