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Seina
09/04/08, 10:04 PM
I bite my lip and

My hands are shaking
-
My throat has tightened and my
Tears are burning
-
I think I’ve lost my
Grip on reality
-
Your words have brought me
The greatest tragedy
-
-
Its getting
Harder
To breath
-
-
Your eyes are distant
And your silence, lingering
-
You say to wait yet
I’m hesitating
-
The air is thick and
I’m suffocating
-
-
Your fingertips feel
Cold
On
My
Skin
-
-
I want to leave now
Deal with this another day
-
The door is open
Yet it feels so far away
-
Your back is turned and
It causes me such pain
-
-
I feel I may be
Drowning
In my
Tears
-
-
Being happy
Never felt this tiring
-
I can feel my focus
Breaking
-
I’m so exhausted
I don’t want to move
-
I just stand there ‘cause I
Don’t know what to do
-
-
I’ll just
Wait
To
Stop
Shaking

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just some lyrics I came up with.
It only took me a few minutes, so, sorry if some of it seems kinda raw or forced.
datsdniv
09/07/08, 09:34 AM
nice,you are on to something here,i cant quite picture the line"my tears are burning"though
lew_1987
09/07/08, 09:46 AM
Try and take your metaphors away from the everyday, 'Your fingertips feel cold on my skin' on it's own is nothing. Why is his/her fingertips cold? How does this make you feel? Why are they touching you? What could be done to make them less cold? etc. I hope you see what I'm trying to say here; try and get us imagining, and take us to the place where you are.
Seina
09/09/08, 07:37 PM
nice,you are on to something here,i cant quite picture the line"my tears are burning"though

Ah, well I was trying to go with how tears usually feel hot on your skin. But I do see what you mean. Thanks
Seina
09/09/08, 07:40 PM
Try and take your metaphors away from the everyday, 'Your fingertips feel cold on my skin' on it's own is nothing. Why is his/her fingertips cold? How does this make you feel? Why are they touching you? What could be done to make them less cold? etc. I hope you see what I'm trying to say here; try and get us imagining, and take us to the place where you are.

I see what you mean, I did keep the theme very open here. It applies to many situations at the moment, but you're right and it would probably be much better if I simply narrowed it down to one subject.
Thank you
OveriseFan
09/09/08, 08:02 PM
Sh-Sh-Shake Shake, Sh-Shake, Shake, Sh-Shake It!
OveriseFan
09/09/08, 08:03 PM
http://cm1.dotspotter.com/media/0/77/9/MetroStation172.0.0.0x0.600x450.jpe g
de la sympathie
09/10/08, 02:32 PM
Sh-Sh-Shake Shake, Sh-Shake, Shake, Sh-Shake It!

Like a Polaroid picture!
TK
09/10/08, 02:36 PM
Anybody else expected this to be good with the title? Ha, I don't know why, but I loved the title. Too bad it didn't match the work.
OveriseFan
09/10/08, 04:04 PM
Anybody else expected this to be good with the title? Ha, I don't know why, but I loved the title. Too bad it didn't match the work.

Haha. A little bit.
JimGray
09/11/08, 03:27 PM
She is 24.

Lolz.