Who wants to proofread a paper?

[Mercy Medical]

Does anyone out there want to help me by proofreading my paper for my engineering communications class? The title of the paper is "The Design of Prostheses for Sprinters with Transtibial Amputations: Making World Class Dreams Come True". It would be much appreciated. Thanks!

[selftitled85]

Does anyone out there want to help me by proofreading my paper for my engineering communications class? The title of the paper is "The Design of Prostheses for Sprinters with Transtibial Amputations: Making World Class Dreams Come True". It would be much appreciated. Thanks!


how long is it. and is it really really boring

[Mercy Medical]

how long is it. and is it really really boring
It's 5 pages, except it's 2 columns, size 11 font, however there are some pictures in there.

I dunno, it's interesting to me because that's what I'm really interested in...if you don't know much about anatomy and physiology you may be confused by it.

I'm not so much worried about the actual content as I am the grammer and what not and if it flows well, blah, blah, blah. It's written from a technical standpoint.

[selftitled85]

It's 5 pages, except it's 2 columns, size 11 font, however there are some pictures in there.

I dunno, it's interesting to me because that's what I'm really interested in...if you don't know much about anatomy and physiology you may be confused by it.

I'm not so much worried about the actual content as I am the grammer and what not and if it flows well, blah, blah, blah. It's written from a technical standpoint.


if no one has by later tonight get back to me and i will read it. i just have a crap load of work to do myself.

[Mercy Medical]

if no one has by later tonight get back to me and i will read it. i just have a crap load of work to do myself.
Understandable, you don't have to. I'm probably going to have my professior give it a once over, but I want a few people to check it out, ya know.

If you're too busy, don't even worry about it. I may have my roommate check it out too. I figure it's good to have a lot of people look at it than just one.

[venus/bacchus]

post it on here, I'll read it and give a few opinions

[Mercy Medical]

Thanks! Hold on, I'll post it right now...

[_astheruinfalls]

I might just be acting foolish, but I think you should make your closing sentence stronger.

"For someone who has devoted so much time and effort to something he or she loves certainly won’t give it up at the drop of a hat." That doesn't really....work. It's in your introduction. One of the first couple sentences.

"Maybe it’s not even about being a world class athlete. Maybe it’s about continuing to do something that individual has loved to do, something that has made him or her happy over the years." I think that might look better as just one sentence. But whatever.

[_astheruinfalls]

"Although there is minimal hard evidence of these prosthetic limbs their existence has been written into plays; one is written of a Persian seer who was condemn to death, but escaped from the stocks by amputating his own foot and then creating a wooden filler to take its place [1]." Should there be a comma between limbs and their?

[_astheruinfalls]

"An example was an above knee prosthesis that had adjustable harnesses, knee lock control and other engineering features that are often used today [1]. " Comma after control?

[_astheruinfalls]

"They were still bulky and heavy; however they gained more function by creating more complex knee and ankle joints and weight bearing systems [1]." I think the ;semi-colon should be a comma, but I'm not sure.

[_astheruinfalls]

"During this time engineers began to gain an interest in prostheses themselves. " Comma betwee time and engineers?

[_astheruinfalls]

"In 1960 the Stewart-Vickers hydraulic leg was available to the public [1]." Comma after 1960?

I'm probably wrong on a lot...I get really comma happy.

[Mercy Medical]

lol, thanks for the help TJ...I'll have to read it all later though and get back to you because I've got some other homework that's due tomorrow to work on it. Keep giving suggestions if you so desire though.

Did you think the paper was good overall??

[Mercy Medical]

Oh, and about the whole comma thing...I'm really comma happy too and I typically have a lot of comma splices so I was trying to get rid of most of them last time I proofread the paper...

[_astheruinfalls]

Haha.

I hate being comma happy. That's why I put the question marks. I'm never really sure.

But I really like it. It's a really good, thoughtful paper.

[Mercy Medical]

Haha.

I hate being comma happy. That's why I put the question marks. I'm never really sure.

But I really like it. It's a really good, thoughtful paper.
Yay, I'm glad you liked it. For most it would probably be quite boring, but that's the kind of stuff I really want to do.

I have to do a 20 minute power point presentation for my paper too. :P

[_astheruinfalls]

Yay, I'm glad you liked it. For most it would probably be quite boring, but that's the kind of stuff I really want to do.

I have to do a 20 minute power point presentation for my paper too. :P
Power points are fun. You can do all these fun things with them.

I really like that kind of stuff. Like, not for a job...but it's really intresting. And it makes me happy that there are people out there who dedicate their lives to help others. Gives me hope in humanity...a little. And I'm really glad that you want to get into that. It just shows how much of a heart you have.

[Mercy Medical]

Power points are fun. You can do all these fun things with them.

I really like that kind of stuff. Like, not for a job...but it's really intresting. And it makes me happy that there are people out there who dedicate their lives to help others. Gives me hope in humanity...a little. And I'm really glad that you want to get into that. It just shows how much of a heart you have.
Awww, thanks TJ. :)

I really enjoyed sports medicine and anatomy and physiology when I was in high school, but I didn't like dealing with people and I really liked mechanical drawing and I've always been interested in how things work, so I figure I'd merge the two. :)

I'd like to be involved specifically for prosthetics for athletes because I'm an athlete myself. I really find that kind of stuff interesting, how muscles and bones work and what not. To be able to create something that would simulate that would be really fun.

I don't want to be involved in the automotive industry like every single guy in my class. :P

[_astheruinfalls]

Awww, thanks TJ. :)

I really enjoyed sports medicine and anatomy and physiology when I was in high school, but I didn't like dealing with people and I really liked mechanical drawing and I've always been interested in how things work, so I figure I'd merge the two. :)

I'd like to be involved specifically for prosthetics for athletes because I'm an athlete myself. I really find that kind of stuff interesting, how muscles and bones work and what not. To be able to create something that would simulate that would be really fun.

I don't want to be involved in the automotive industry like every single guy in my class. :P
Haha.

Yeah, it's a very intresting thing. And definately pretty fucking hard.

I would never be able to work that hard.

I don't see how you have stayed away from alcohol/drugs. I would have gone nuts if I were you.

[venus/bacchus]

I haven't read it yet, but one of my greatest pet peeves is the overuse of "his or her"...just pick one of the pronouns and stick with it (in your case I'd assume you use "her")

I'll get to reading it later tonight, I'll warn you though, I'm generally a grammar nazi

[_astheruinfalls]

I haven't read it yet, but one of my greatest pet peeves is the overuse of "his or her"...just pick one of the pronouns and stick with it (in your case I'd assume you use "her")

I'll get to reading it later tonight, I'll warn you though, I'm generally a grammar nazi
I love grammar nazis.

[Mercy Medical]

Haha.

Yeah, it's a very intresting thing. And definately pretty fucking hard.

I would never be able to work that hard.

I don't see how you have stayed away from alcohol/drugs. I would have gone nuts if I were you.
Haha...it's really not that hard. My biggest issue is all the projects I have to do right now. :P We have to build a hovercraft that can actually carry someone for one of my projects and we only have like a week and a half left in the semester. :P

[Mercy Medical]

I haven't read it yet, but one of my greatest pet peeves is the overuse of "his or her"...just pick one of the pronouns and stick with it (in your case I'd assume you use "her")

I'll get to reading it later tonight, I'll warn you though, I'm generally a grammar nazi
Yea, I had to change those because I was using "they" and "them", my professor told me to use "he or she" or "him or her"...

It's good that you're a grammar Nazi, I need a good grade on this paper...

[venus/bacchus]

Abstract: think about combining the last 2 sentences. Using the phrase "also discussed" in back to back sentences just doesn't fly.

Introduction: avoid using "common speak" (meaning metaphorical language and the like) in a paper that's supposed to be academic...it isn't difficult for amputees to "hear" that they've lost their leg, it's difficult to understand or comprehend the magnitude...same goes for "at the drop of a hat"

"Having to envision his or her whole life, passion, and possible career are coming to an end." is a sentence fragment

The last 4 sentences of the first paragraph start with "maybe"...you might want to vary it a bit

"Maybe even against those who have no disabilities." sentence fragment

Discussion: what kind of "fiber" were those limbs made of, fiber's a very general term

Maybe separate that last sentence of the first paragraph

"...to have prosthesis made." I'm guessing it should either say "a prosthesis" or "prostheses"...same for the next sentence

"During the 1600s,"...following a "when or where" clause to start a sentence, you need a comma

"During this time engineers began to gain an interest in prostheses themselves."...I guess I don't understand this sentence, shouldn't engineers have always had an interest in prostheses, they are the ones who designed them...maybe reword it

"such as the power to lift and lower..." might want to put "the leg" (I think that's what you mean) at the end of that, it's very open ended

"Most commonly," needs a comma

"...socket is show in..." should say "shown"

"It’s needs to be lightweight" should say "It...", same for next sentence

"the prosthetic foot, the bending stiffness can" need a comma

"distributed through the prosthetic leg would created too much of a bouncing motion.".... "would create too"

"Due to all these aspects, the running cycle should be studied." comma

"The curved shaped allows for controlled dorsiflexion of the foot which in turn assists with the knee flexion control"...it should be "shape" near the beginning, also, you can probably drop the "with"...the definition of assist is to assist with, not against, so it's semi-redundant

"As the hip reaches maximum extension all other movements are passive except for the hip adductors..." I don't know much biomechanics, but earlier in the paper you said "abductors", I think this is a typo

"At this moment, the foot reaches maximum plantarflexion" comma

"As impressive as this number may sound, the actual human" comma

"In order to prevent this, some surgeons use bone" comma

"however they can bring some of the muscle from the back of the calf to over the end or from the sides," something about this isn't right...you either bring the muscle from the back of the calf to cover the end, or you bring the muscle "over the end" (meaning get rid of "to")

"Nerves are also needed to taken into account by the surgeon and are an important factor when designing prostheses." reword..."Nerves also need to be taken into account" maybe?

"Since these neuromas are created, the" comma

"At the incision, scar tissue is created" comma

Conclusion: "With all these factors considered, it seems as though technology" comma

"He won the race in an astonishing time of 21.97 seconds which shattered the previous record of Brian Frasure [9]. Frasure was the first amputee to run the 200 meter in under 22 seconds." I thought 21.97 shattered the record? but now the previous record was the first to be under 22? maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it doesn't sound right

Well, I guess that's all. Sorry if I was too brutal. That's definitely a quality paper. It's very well organized and isn't too redundant or just padded. Good luck with it.

[Mercy Medical]

No, that wasn't brutal at all. The brutal the better because the better it's proofread the better chance I have at a good grade.

I don't have the time to look over all of this at the moment, but I will make sure to later tonight. Thanks so much for the help. :)

[richter915]

so uh...venus...wanna proofread my paper on the trends that exist in 2004 between musical preference and political orientation and how race plays a factor in all of it?????? It's only 15 pages.

hah I kid.

Kara, if I weren't a loser freshman...I'd read your paper.

[Mercy Medical]

so uh...venus...wanna proofread my paper on the trends that exist in 2004 between musical preference and political orientation and how race plays a factor in all of it?????? It's only 15 pages.

hah I kid.

Kara, if I weren't a loser freshman...I'd read your paper.
Whoa, 15 pages is pushing it.

Why does being a "loser freshman" keep you from reading my paper?

Not that you are a loser or anything... :dweeba48:

[richter915]

Whoa, 15 pages is pushing it.

Why does being a "loser freshman" keep you from reading my paper?

Not that you are a loser or anything... :dweeba48:
ya it has so much crap...it's like...crap-tacular. I'm hoping my reader just looks at it...sorta weighs it in his hands and is like "ya, he passes" and moves on.

I'll read it but I doubt I can give any good constructive criticism back...plus it seems as if venus covered a good chunk of it.

[_astheruinfalls]

Yay, I was actually right on a lot of stuff.

I rule.