View Full Version : The New World
de la sympathie
09/11/08, 08:12 PM
James, would you read it? Please?
There's sort of a backstory to this, but I think it is pretty self-explanatory. I know - and I haven't even finished editing my other piece yet. But I enjoyed this, and I enjoyed writing it.
the new world
Sleep comes late when the night is young
But dawn breaks all too soon: over bodies
Young and fresh, skin cracking with growth
And the weight of what we get away with
Day's heat is no reprieve from the restless
Tumble of thoughts that accompany a lover
Leaving for the world beyond your front door:
A line drawn in the sand that you can't jump back across
The bed shook with a heartbeat; thrumming
Through our ears and out of everything
And nothing had ever rung so true
As the sort of harmony I only heard in you
I map your body like a new world, making
Mountains of your hands, tracing blue veins
Like rivers crossing the flatlands of your arms
Treading on that hallowed ground only the natives knew before
New scars network together, like cities in the desert
Raising freckles where the highways intersect
And dip into the canyon of your neck, somewhere
Where gods are born and are baptized anew
A new world; and one I've discovered that
Gets more beautiful with every day
I really liked this. I think this is the my favorite thing I've read from you. Really nice, vivid descriptions and writing.
I map your body like a new world, making
Mountains of your hands, tracing blue veins
Mike rivers crossing the flatlands of your arms
Treading on that hallowed ground only the natives knew before
Only complaint is this reminds me of a song by The Weakerthans. And it also bared resemblance to another song song by Great Lake Swimmers. I don't know, the whole mapping the body and the descriptions seem like something I've read and heard many times before.
The first stanza was my favorite.
Idlewarrior
09/11/08, 08:20 PM
Is this another one of those sexually sounding, unsexual pieces? :P I like this one a lot, very tastey imagery, and a much better ending if I may add :P Even though I would have ended it with "A new world: and one I've just ventured" or "A new world: one I've only just discovered" or something along those lines. Adding that bit about it getting more beautiful kind of kills the scene, because you just found this place, you shouldn't know it's getting better yet, hehe, keep on writing ;)
de la sympathie
09/11/08, 08:22 PM
I really liked this. I think this is the my favorite thing I've read from you. Really nice, vivid descriptions and writing.
I map your body like a new world, making
Mountains of your hands, tracing blue veins
Mike rivers crossing the flatlands of your arms
Treading on that hallowed ground only the natives knew before
Only complaint is this reminds me of a song by The Weakerthans. And it also bared resemblance to another song song by Great Lake Swimmers. I don't know, the whole mapping the body and the descriptions seem like something I've read and heard many times before.
The first stanza was my favorite.
Thank you very much! Which Weakerthans song did you mean? My AP US History teacher was just talking about 'the new world' all day, and for some reason I was really inspired by that. Haha.
de la sympathie
09/11/08, 08:23 PM
Is this another one of those sexually sounding, unsexual pieces? :P I like this one a lot, very tastey imagery, and a much better ending if I may add :P Even though I would have ended it with "A new world: and one I've just ventured" or "A new world: one I've only just discovered" or something along those lines. Adding that bit about it getting more beautiful kind of kills the scene, because you just found this place, you shouldn't know it's getting better yet, hehe, keep on writing ;)
Oh no, this is meant to be more sexual. Body appreciation, if you will. Haha, but thank you. I always appreciate your comments. Sorry, I don't think I know your name yet. I'm Shauna.
Uh, I feel stupid now. Because I can't remember the song, I might be getting mixed up with another band. But the Great Lake Swimmers song was Your Rocky Spine:
I was lost in the lakes
And the shape that your body makes
That your body makes
And the mountains said I could find you here
They whisper the snow and the leaves in my ear
I traced my finger along your trails
Your body was the map
I was lost in there
Floating over your rocky spine
The glaciers made you and now you're mine
I was moving across your frozen veneer
The sky was dark
But you were clear
Could you feel my footsteps?
And would you shatter, would you shatter?
Would you?
Your soft fingers between my claws
Like purity against resolve
I could tell then there that we were formed from the clay
And came from the rocks for earth to display
They told me to be careful up there
Where the wind rages through your hair
Really though, I fucking love those two lines
Young and fresh, skin cracking with growth
And the weight of what we get away with
I wish I would have wrote that.
Idlewarrior
09/11/08, 08:33 PM
Oh no, this is meant to be more sexual. Body appreciation, if you will. Haha, but thank you. I always appreciate your comments. Sorry, I don't think I know your name yet. I'm Shauna.
haha, I appreciate yours too, it's hard to make time sometimes, but whenever I get it, I read a lot of the pieces posted, and I comment on the ones that seem to be of above average quality,, but anyways, haha, I am Austin, very nice to meet you :D I was just giving you shit about the sexual sounding thing, but I'm sure you knew that hehe
JimGray
09/12/08, 05:13 AM
Shauna, you are an incredible writer, and it is a shame that we rarely talk on these boards.
de la sympathie
09/12/08, 04:48 PM
Shauna, you are an incredible writer, and it is a shame that we rarely talk on these boards.
Thank you. Much appreciated.
haha, I appreciate yours too, it's hard to make time sometimes, but whenever I get it, I read a lot of the pieces posted, and I comment on the ones that seem to be of above average quality,, but anyways, haha, I am Austin, very nice to meet you :D I was just giving you shit about the sexual sounding thing, but I'm sure you knew that hehe
Nice to meet you also! I hope to talk to you more.
You pwn at life.
Tell me something I don't know. ;)
Really though, I fucking love those two lines
Young and fresh, skin cracking with growth
And the weight of what we get away with
I wish I would have wrote that.
No, you wish you could have written that. Haha, sorry. I had to. But thank you.
I wish there was something wrong with this, haha.
de la sympathie
09/12/08, 06:34 PM
I wish there was something wrong with this, haha.
I love you, Tariq. You always make me feel good about what I write. Haha.
GhostHaze
09/12/08, 08:27 PM
Thats really amazing; I like it :3
carcrashofahart
09/12/08, 08:53 PM
fucking beautiful! now i feel like writing. thanks for the push. ;)
SomedayTheFire
09/13/08, 03:14 AM
honestly i think this is amazing :-) the first stanza is the best :-)
de la sympathie
09/14/08, 10:48 AM
Thats really amazing; I like it :3
fucking beautiful! now i feel like writing. thanks for the push. ;)
Thanks, guys.
OveriseFan
09/15/08, 06:40 PM
I will comment on this one day soon. Too much homework to give you the time you deserve.
de la sympathie
09/15/08, 06:53 PM
I will comment on this one day soon. Too much homework to give you the time you deserve.
It's okay, and understandable. You holding up alright, James?
OveriseFan
09/15/08, 07:55 PM
It's okay, and understandable. You holding up alright, James?
Haha. Yeah. Junior Year is just a lot of work. 4 hours of homework a night, at least.
Music Composition
Pre-Calc Honors
AP Latin - Catullus
AP US History II
AP English
AP Chemistry
On top of rehearsal every day until 5:30 at least.
de la sympathie
09/16/08, 06:33 AM
Haha. Yeah. Junior Year is just a lot of work. 4 hours of homework a night, at least.
Music Composition
Pre-Calc Honors
AP Latin - Catullus
AP US History II
AP English
AP Chemistry
On top of rehearsal every day until 5:30 at least.
Damn, James. Could you get any more schoolwork than that? Haha.
iKrazie
09/16/08, 06:44 AM
idk who u are, but that was amazing, you should seriously take being a ghostwriter into consideration, with that kind of skill i seriously think you could do it lol
Haha. Yeah. Junior Year is just a lot of work. 4 hours of homework a night, at least.
Music Composition
Pre-Calc Honors
AP Latin - Catullus
AP US History II
AP English
AP Chemistry
On top of rehearsal every day until 5:30 at least.
I remember doing nothing throughout all of high school, I feel sorry for you. (especially since I took nothing but AP classes as well)
OveriseFan
09/16/08, 03:16 PM
I remember doing nothing throughout all of high school, I feel sorry for you. (especially since I took nothing but AP classes as well)
Haha. It's not too bad, and I wouldn't give up theatre for anything. I haven't stayed up past midnight most nights doing homework. I don't have much of a social life - maybe Friday/Saturday Night at best. 'Tis a shame.
Damn, James. Could you get any more schoolwork than that? Haha.
Haha. I tried. (Sad thing is, I'm not kidding.)
de la sympathie
09/16/08, 03:19 PM
idk who u are, but that was amazing, you should seriously take being a ghostwriter into consideration, with that kind of skill i seriously think you could do it lol
What is a ghostwriter? And thank you.
de la sympathie
09/16/08, 03:20 PM
Haha. It's not too bad, and I wouldn't give up theatre for anything. I haven't stayed up past midnight most nights doing homework. I don't have much of a social life - maybe Friday/Saturday Night at best. 'Tis a shame.
Haha. I tried. (Sad thing is, I'm not kidding.)
Man, and I was feeling bad for myself about my own schedule. That's crazy, James. What else were you attempting to fit in your courseload?
lew_1987
09/16/08, 04:19 PM
What is a ghostwriter? And thank you.
You write, sell it to someone else (band, solo artist), and then they take the credit for it. Personally, it's a no thanks to that one.
OveriseFan
09/16/08, 04:35 PM
I remember doing nothing throughout all of high school, I feel sorry for you. (especially since I took nothing but AP classes as well)
Haha. Don't feel sorry for me. It's not like I don't want this, you know? All my classes are engaging and enjoyable, with good students (for the most part) in the classes. There's absolutely nothing bad about it. It's a lot of work, yeah, but it's work that is rewarding, and makes me feel good when I do well in my classes.
Man, and I was feeling bad for myself about my own schedule. That's crazy, James. What else were you attempting to fit in your courseload?
Haha. What do you mean? What do you have? And don't feel bad for me - I'm totally fine with it. I'm actually enjoying it. More classes, and a shitload of work, keeps me responsible. Haha.
I was attempting to fit in another Science course (probably would be Honors Physics, or AP Bio) and/or AP Music Theory (which I've been trying to take for three years - and every year it doesn't fit into my schedule, because it's only offered one period.)
What is a ghostwriter? And thank you.
http://epguides.com/Ghostwriter/cast.jpg
de la sympathie
09/16/08, 04:56 PM
Haha. Don't feel sorry for me. It's not like I don't want this, you know? All my classes are engaging and enjoyable, with good students (for the most part) in the classes. There's absolutely nothing bad about it. It's a lot of work, yeah, but it's work that is rewarding, and makes me feel good when I do well in my classes.
Haha. What do you mean? What do you have? And don't feel bad for me - I'm totally fine with it. I'm actually enjoying it. More classes, and a shitload of work, keeps me responsible. Haha.
I was attempting to fit in another Science course (probably would be Honors Physics, or AP Bio) and/or AP Music Theory (which I've been trying to take for three years - and every year it doesn't fit into my schedule, because it's only offered one period.)
http://epguides.com/Ghostwriter/cast.jpg
Maybe you can fit it in your schedule next year? That would be nice, after you've been trying to take it for so long. And yeah, you did kind of ask for it. Haha.
AP English 11 - Language and Composition
AP Art Studio
AP US History
Newspaper (I'm ed.-in-chief)
Orientation to Transportation (auto tech)
Applied Math (my last year of math in high school!)
I applied for AP Bio as a zero hour, but they don't offer it during that period. So I'm doing that next year. Man, James, your schedule is still a lot more crazy than mine. Plus your extracurriculars?
OveriseFan
09/16/08, 05:38 PM
Maybe you can fit it in your schedule next year? That would be nice, after you've been trying to take it for so long. And yeah, you did kind of ask for it. Haha.
AP English 11 - Language and Composition
AP Art Studio
AP US History
Newspaper (I'm ed.-in-chief)
Orientation to Transportation (auto tech)
Applied Math (my last year of math in high school!)
I applied for AP Bio as a zero hour, but they don't offer it during that period. So I'm doing that next year. Man, James, your schedule is still a lot more crazy than mine. Plus your extracurriculars?
Newspaper is a class for you? Lucky.
Math is fun!
No science class then? That's lame. I wanted to do AP Bio - but when I applied to get into the class (I should have, due to the "Science Hierarchy" (which I might explain later) at my school.), my Chem teacher (who is still teaching me, now, in AP) said "James Fleming? He should be taking AP Chemistry..." and so, I am.
At first I wasn't recommended for AP Chem (Teacher says it was a mishap on the computers - that I was intended to take it all along, I'm not so sure), but then I was, so I took that instead. I'm still not sure why... but I'm enjoying it so far. Haha.
Chorus also takes up a period in the day - but I hardly consider it one. Haha. I should not get class credit for singing. It's an injustice. Currently we're doing "The Scottish Play" (I don't know the rules of the curse via the internet - so I'm playing it safe. Google it.), which rehearses every day until usually 5:30 (unless we're doing fight scenes), Pennington Singers Sunday evenings (kind of the "elite" singing group. Chamber style, mostly acapella, singing.), Newspaper (which I really need to become just a columnist for, so I don't have to answer to editors who have no idea what they're talking about and only have to talk to the Editor-in-Chief and faculty advisor), plus other fun stuff.
My English teacher said, "We need to reign in your comma use." I figured. :-( Although, according to this post, my parentheses are far worse...
I need to study. I have 3 exams next week. :'( This whole hurricane situation has thrown everything off track.
PopPunkMatt
09/17/08, 07:23 PM
Amazing imagery. I don't post much on these forum's but I've read alot of your work and I love it.
de la sympathie
09/17/08, 07:59 PM
Amazing imagery. I don't post much on these forum's but I've read alot of your work and I love it.
Thank you very much.
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