Communism ruined my wrist

[3ChinaPolicy]

The news is never heard,
not a single word,
children bleed, news isnt heard,
communism at its finest,
news still isnt heard,
waiting for the news,
children make the news not heard,
because the sound of their screams drown out the news,
which we can't hear anyway,


...communism ruined my wrist.

[11:11]

i think too many lines contained hear, heard, or news.

[lew_1987]

This seems like you're trying too hard.

[GhostHaze]

Even though I see the point you are making, I still think you are using the word "news" too much; I understand the repetitive thing (I did that is the poem I wrote here "Red Tears") But if you are gonna repeat, don't use the same word if you are repeating it in a different sentence.

[Idlewarrior]

Yeah..., repetition is amazing, but not when it's done like this, using the same word isn't bad either, but every other line is taking it too far, just becareful, if it sounds too repitious to you, then it probably is

[3ChinaPolicy]

dont you think its adds to some kind of profound beauty? sort of like: we use the word 'news' so much these days, but do we really know what we're talking about? can we actually hear hear what we speak about so much?
thats sort of what i was going for, but advice heard and accepted...
except for 'lew_1987', his advice sounded like it came from a pretentious twat with a pole up his backside. no offence.

[lew_1987]

I could have been a lot harder on you, trust me. So don't get all offensive, there was nothing wrong with what I said. Stop sucking your own cock.

[3ChinaPolicy]

you make me scream more than a filthy pirate hooker who has just had her kidneys stolen from her Egyptian ex-lover, who suspiciously, (yet erotically), returned to her during the Full Moon Blood Festival celebrated once every 98 decades.

[Boron]

Yeah, he does kinda try too hard.