A Little While Longer

[MCSmate]

This is a bit rough, especially the chorus, but I thought I'd post something up.

7am and light is coming in through the blinds
Why can't we just lie here for another hour
Anyways, I don't even have work 'till 9
But you insist you have to go
As least I didn't spend the night alone
But in the end it seems so

Chorus
So please next time, don't wake me up
'Cause, again, I don't need to know that you're going
You getting up is not worth knowing
I'd rather just keep my eyes closed
And so it goes...

Why are you so eager to stay these long nights
Everyday they're getting shorter
Even though you're not leaving any earlier
Either way it's not what I'd prefer, no matter my concern

It's hard to be around this way
Where every move could be a mistake
Even feelings and endearing words
It's seems nothings enough
So if this isn't love, why don't we just make something up?
So you can stay at least for a little while longer

For another hour or so...
And on and on...

[pyronus]

it would be easier to tell if it was good if there was music
but all i can see here is the rhyming scheme is a little...odd
even if the lyrics are good

[MCSmate]

it would be easier to tell if it was good if there was music
but all i can see here is the rhyming scheme is a little...odd
even if the lyrics are good

Thanks.
And sorry there is no music, for the fact that I can't play guitar or anything to put it to music.
But thanks anyways, I tried with making the song flow together and whatnot. I know it still needs work.

[justletgo]

I thought it was cute haha. but what exactly is the chorus, it says there is 3. It would help me feel the song more if I could understand the structure.

[MCSmate]

I thought it was cute haha. but what exactly is the chorus, it says there is 3. It would help me feel the song more if I could understand the structure.

The italicization of the word "chorus" just means the chorus again. The first chorus is the stanza under that first time it says chorus and the other chorus's are the same.

They usually are because a chorus is a refrain, it repeats itself.

[justletgo]

Oh wow I'm an idiot haha. I didn't realize that for some reason, my bad.

[MCSmate]

It's fine.

[lew_1987]

The subject matter was not for me, sorry.

[TK]

Lyrically, this isn't good, it's generic. But I really enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of Jimmy Eat World, and I personally, would like to hear this as a song. So while this isn't anything original, I thought you wrote this well. Good job.

[MCSmate]

The subject matter was not for me, sorry.

Thanks anyways.

Lyrically, this isn't good, it's generic. But I really enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of Jimmy Eat World, and I personally, would like to hear this as a song. So while this isn't anything original, I thought you wrote this well. Good job.

Thanks as well...

[Nobodyhearsyou]

Chorus

Now this word could probably be removed and it would make the song 100 times better.

[MCSmate]

Now this word could probably be removed and it would make the song 100 times better.

Removed. I just people might like to know what the chorus is or whatever.
I've left the first one up though to that reason...

[bootsydan]

The subject matter was not for me, sorry.

This.

Not really into sentimental love type pieces. First verse showed potential though. But it took an unoriginal, uninteresting path after that. Heard it before.

[ArTkY_]

People, no one cares if the subject matter is not for you. You're supposed to critique whether it was written well or not, if it talks about the subject matter in a new way.

This is not the greatest piece, IMO. It's fairly cliche. Just keep expanding your ideas, because we've heard this song a million times before.

[bootsydan]

People, no one cares if the subject matter is not for you. You're supposed to critique whether it was written well or not, if it talks about the subject matter in a new way..

If something is written in a cliche way, it doesn't shed any new light on the subject matter. Hence the subject matter is uninteresting. Hence the piece is not written very well.

So I would think someone saying 'The subject matter is not for me' is a clear indication of what they thought of the writing - and actually pin points the core problem with the piece in the first place. The subject matter. Meaning - unless you could come up with some amazing new insightful lyrics on that same subject, you had very little chance of writing something good in the first place.

And clearly you haven't come up with those amazing new insightful lyrics when you get the comment 'The subject matter is not for me.' Cause otherwise you'd be getting 'I usually don't like that kind of stuff, but this actually impressed me'.

I can't believe I just had to explain that.

[ArTkY_]

You don't say "the subject matter is not for me" because it doesn't matter what the piece is about.