off and on again

[lightupthesky]

Last night I got dumped by my ex, for the third time. Every time he comes back to me I take him back, no questions asked. We're happy for 5-7 months and then seemingly out of the blue he breaks up with me. I'm always hopeful that it's never really over, because I think I really do love him, but maybe I'm just naive.
Anyway, I'm completely lost right now because he was 80% of my life for the past 5 months and all the sudden he's totally out of my life.

I don't know what I'm hoping for from this thread.. Some remedies, advice, someone who can relate?

[ZoSo1886]

for a while i wanted to get back with an ex i spent 2 years with (18-20) but then i realized, you break up because something is not working. you may get back together thinking it will work again and it ends up failing for possibly the same reason every time. if it isn't working, don't waste your time trying to make it work.

[lightupthesky]

this makes sense, but the first two times we dated we were like, 15/16, going into it this time we were 17/18 and now 18/19. when it started this time i could tell some things about both of us had changed since the last two times we were together and for the first month or two everything felt 1000 times better and more perfect. i thought it was going to be serious this time, and that when we had problems, we would talk them out and work through them.

it wasn't long before he started telling me how he wanted me to always be around and how he possibly wanted to marry me and how it made him glad when people referred to us as one, like that was just how it was going to be. lindsey and andrew.

so i was always at his house and we always ate together and watched movies together and generally spent most of our time together outside of school and work and things like that. and after awhile i thought he might want some space, and when i told him that he acted like i was being ridiculous.. but it turns out that's why he broke up with me.

he said he's not ready to be married yet and the way we were living, we practically were. and he wants HIS space and HIS own possessions, and not for everything to be "ours". he said it'd be best if we didn't see each other more than two or three times for the next week, and i was okay with that. i was willing to make that work.. and then fifteen minutes later he asked me to come get all my stuff from his house when he's at work tomorrow.

[Smash Adams]

he said he's not ready to be married yet and the way we were living, we practically were. and he wants HIS space and HIS own possessions, and not for everything to be "ours". he said it'd be best if we didn't see each other more than two or three times for the next week, and i was okay with that. i was willing to make that work.. and then fifteen minutes later he asked me to come get all my stuff from his house when he's at work tomorrow.
I can't blame him, I feel the same way and I'm pretty much his age

[Willy McFurgle]

A few options on this,

1. Go with it for now, and who knows, he may just wake up and stop breaking it off and want to commit, could take time though.

2. Sever all ties and move on, you'll probably find someone who doesn't do this type of game.

3. Find a new guy, and take pics of several activities involving handcuffs, a bucket of ice, and a moose head(preferably stuffed), and send them to him. show him what he's missin out on.

[lightupthesky]

i can't blame him either. it's totally understandable, he's actually not 19 until tomorrow, but i had no idea he was feeling that way until right before he broke up with me. he could have told me and we could have made the necessary changes.. i just don't understand. and i offered him space and sometimes i'd tell him i was going to stay home for the next couple of nights and he would always ask why?

we're not in high school anymore, and i have to think that making a relationship work takes work. i thought we were past breaking up over every little bump in the road.

[lightupthesky]

A few options on this,

1. Go with it for now, and who knows, he may just wake up and stop breaking it off and want to commit, could take time though.

2. Sever all ties and move on, you'll probably find someone who doesn't do this type of game.

3. Find a new guy, and take pics of several activities involving handcuffs, a bucket of ice, and a moose head(preferably stuffed), and send them to him. show him what he's missin out on.

lmao about the moose :[
his mom is pretty convinced that we're soo perfect for each other, and he and his mom both insist that he still loves me, but just now isn't the right time. his mom said, "you have to understand, he's young. he's not even 19 yet, he's not ready to be done dating, you know? my first husband and i broke up thousands of times and dated other people in between before finally getting married. he'll come back to you, but he just wants to see what else is out there before settling down."

i'm trying not to buy too much into that sort of thinking, because i don't want to get my hopes up, but i like to think she's right.

[ZoSo1886]

this makes sense, but the first two times we dated we were like, 15/16, going into it this time we were 17/18 and now 18/19. when it started this time i could tell some things about both of us had changed since the last two times we were together and for the first month or two everything felt 1000 times better and more perfect. i thought it was going to be serious this time, and that when we had problems, we would talk them out and work through them.

it wasn't long before he started telling me how he wanted me to always be around and how he possibly wanted to marry me and how it made him glad when people referred to us as one, like that was just how it was going to be. lindsey and andrew.

so i was always at his house and we always ate together and watched movies together and generally spent most of our time together outside of school and work and things like that. and after awhile i thought he might want some space, and when i told him that he acted like i was being ridiculous.. but it turns out that's why he broke up with me.

he said he's not ready to be married yet and the way we were living, we practically were. and he wants HIS space and HIS own possessions, and not for everything to be "ours". he said it'd be best if we didn't see each other more than two or three times for the next week, and i was okay with that. i was willing to make that work.. and then fifteen minutes later he asked me to come get all my stuff from his house when he's at work tomorrow.


once you start spending every moment together, at this age, it becomes a problem because you are no longer excited to see the person you care most about, you come to take it for granted

[Willy McFurgle]

lmao about the moose :[
his mom is pretty convinced that we're soo perfect for each other, and he and his mom both insist that he still loves me, but just now isn't the right time. his mom said, "you have to understand, he's young. he's not even 19 yet, he's not ready to be done dating, you know? my first husband and i broke up thousands of times and dated other people in between before finally getting married. he'll come back to you, but he just wants to see what else is out there before settling down."

i'm trying not to buy too much into that sort of thinking, because i don't want to get my hopes up, but i like to think she's right.

You never know.I have a few friends who did the same thing, and a few of em actually married the girl they kept dating on and off. Its all about having patience with the situation. I hope it works out in your favor.

[lightupthesky]

yeah, and i realised that a month or two ago, which is when i started offering him space. and he insisted that it wasn't a problem and we can't be in the new, excited-couple phase forever. i talked to his mom about it, too, and she said i can't be upset about him not being excited to see me, etc. and that it's actually a good thing we transitioned into that next stage.

i was the only one who ever thought it might be a problem, or cause problems, but they both convinced me otherwise and here i am. god, you think i could have that family down to an art after the six or seven years i've known them, but they're so full of surprises.

i was planning on calling into work today because i keep sporadically bursting into tears and i don't think that would be too fun at work, but my mom said it might be a welcome distraction. y/n?

[HelpMeSleep]

i can't blame him either. it's totally understandable, he's actually not 19 until tomorrow, but i had no idea he was feeling that way until right before he broke up with me. he could have told me and we could have made the necessary changes.. i just don't understand. and i offered him space and sometimes i'd tell him i was going to stay home for the next couple of nights and he would always ask why?

we're not in high school anymore, and i have to think that making a relationship work takes work. i thought we were past breaking up over every little bump in the road.
except you can blame him. that's what I thought with everything that happened to my ex. I kept thinking each time we started talking again, it'd be different, and it never was. and I even thought I could change things to make it work and I told him it didn't have to be serious, that we could just start go out and be super casual, and it never worked. if he's continually breaking up with you, he's not that into you. if he was, he wouldn't be.

[Willy McFurgle]

yeah, and i realised that a month or two ago, which is when i started offering him space. and he insisted that it wasn't a problem and we can't be in the new, excited-couple phase forever. i talked to his mom about it, too, and she said i can't be upset about him not being excited to see me, etc. and that it's actually a good thing we transitioned into that next stage.

i was the only one who ever thought it might be a problem, or cause problems, but they both convinced me otherwise and here i am. god, you think i could have that family down to an art after the six or seven years i've known them, but they're so full of surprises.

i was planning on calling into work today because i keep sporadically bursting into tears and i don't think that would be too fun at work, but my mom said it might be a welcome distraction. y/n?


it might offer distraction, sometimes if your wrapped up in something at work, you don't think about anything else.

[lightupthesky]

except you can blame him. that's what I thought with everything that happened to my ex. I kept thinking each time we started talking again, it'd be different, and it never was. and I even thought I could change things to make it work and I told him it didn't have to be serious, that we could just start go out and be super casual, and it never worked. if he's continually breaking up with you, he's not that into you. if he was, he wouldn't be.

you don't think that maybe we just got too serious too fast this time around, or something like that? or is it really that i'm just not doing it for him? maybe we're better off as friends, then :\ i just feel like there had to have been a thousand things i could have done to avoid this. when we're just friends and he's having problems with other girls, i'm so good at giving him advice and helping him figure things out, but when it's my relationship i'm absolutely clueless.

[lightupthesky]

You never know.I have a few friends who did the same thing, and a few of em actually married the girl they kept dating on and off. Its all about having patience with the situation. I hope it works out in your favor.

thanks. and in a way i guess i've not experienced enough yet to honestly know what this being "in my favor" actually means. i mean, i've dated other guys, but andrew's the only one that i ever liked enough to actually try to get serious with. he's been my first everything, from first boyfriend, first kiss, first fuck, and all the in betweens. maybe i'm just so stuck on him because he's all i've ever known? i just always have a hard time even imagining myself being so happy with someone else.

[Willy McFurgle]

thanks. and in a way i guess i've not experienced enough yet to honestly know what this being "in my favor" actually means. i mean, i've dated other guys, but andrew's the only one that i ever liked enough to actually try to get serious with. he's been my first everything, from first boyfriend, first kiss, first fuck, and all the in betweens. maybe i'm just so stuck on him because he's all i've ever known? i just always have a hard time even imagining myself being so happy with someone else.

I've been there before, i still think about an ex i dated 5 or 6 years ago, just coz i had some of the best times with her and i thought she was the one. Just give it time, and things will begin to fall into place as far as what happens next.

[HelpMeSleep]

you don't think that maybe we just got too serious too fast this time around, or something like that? or is it really that i'm just not doing it for him? maybe we're better off as friends, then :\ i just feel like there had to have been a thousand things i could have done to avoid this. when we're just friends and he's having problems with other girls, i'm so good at giving him advice and helping him figure things out, but when it's my relationship i'm absolutely clueless.
I mean, it's possible. but that was exactly what I thought about my ex and I. I constantly said "we got serious too fast" and then I blamed myself about it and it turned out he didn't care about me the way he said. but that's not to say that's how it for you. I just think the off and on again thing is unhealthy for you.

you might be better off as friends and dating other people for now, since you guys are young anyways. I tend to believe that if something is meant to happen it will, so if you guys are meant to be together, you'll end up together. if you guys are meant to be together, I think it might even be better for you to take a break and then you'll hopefully be able to realize that and then be able to do it right if you get back together. and if you aren't, then at least you didn't waste that time.

[lightupthesky]

i hope so :[ i'm in the most uncomfortable place ever right now. thank you, really. :hug:

[lightupthesky]

if you guys are meant to be together, I think it might even be better for you to take a break and then you'll hopefully be able to realize that and then be able to do it right if you get back together. and if you aren't, then at least you didn't waste that time.

this makes way too much sense, thank you :hug: i think i've found a calm for the next few hours. :]

[HelpMeSleep]

this makes way too much sense, thank you :hug: i think i've found a calm for the next few hours. :]

:-) you're welcome. I'm really glad to able to help. :hug:

[kaycey]

he's looking for someone better, but since he can't find any one else, he ends up with you again. move on , you've given him enough chances. you think your naive, no, you are naive.

[xxCarpeDiem]

If you two were in love, why would he keep leaving you?? You would be all he ever needed. End of story.
And I don't think it's love, I think it's infatuation. Because if you were in a mature relationship, you would talk about this stuff. If he had any sort of problem, he would talk to you about it, not leave you. And if you truly wanted your relationship to work, you'd figure out what the problem was, not let him come and go and use you for whatever purpose.

[thespearkid]

Mandi? You're alive?

[thespearkid]

If you two were in love, why would he keep leaving you?? You would be all he ever needed. End of story.
And I don't think it's love, I think it's infatuation. Because if you were in a mature relationship, you would talk about this stuff. If he had any sort of problem, he would talk to you about it, not leave you. And if you truly wanted your relationship to work, you'd figure out what the problem was, not let him come and go and use you for whatever purpose.
That's a fucking fairytale. Love isn't like that. Love is so hard and so stressful that sometimes, you just happen to give up during moments of weakness. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not love; it just means we're all human.

I'm not saying the OP is in love. I'm just saying you're wrong.

[spansen]

relationships are weird.

[spansen]

If you two were in love, why would he keep leaving you?? You would be all he ever needed. End of story.
And I don't think it's love, I think it's infatuation. Because if you were in a mature relationship, you would talk about this stuff. If he had any sort of problem, he would talk to you about it, not leave you. And if you truly wanted your relationship to work, you'd figure out what the problem was, not let him come and go and use you for whatever purpose.

why did you bump this?

[OldJersey]

why did you bump this?

She's been bumping old threads all day

[MarsEatWorld]

She's been bumping old threads all day
So annoying.

[EliteCombine]

Punch him in the chest, HARD.

[HelpMeSleep]

So annoying.
I hate when people do that.
(ps. long time, no talk! you quoted me and gave me your sn in a thread forever ago but then I had my computer taken away so I never really got a chance to reply or put it on my buddylist.)

[MarsEatWorld]

I hate when people do that.
(ps. long time, no talk! you quoted me and gave me your sn in a thread forever ago but then I had my computer taken away so I never really got a chance to reply or put it on my buddylist.)
Yeah, it's especially annoying when the thread only had 20 replies, which makes you think it's a new thread. When it's just old and full of shit.
[yeah foreal. =[ sorry bout your computer, I'm getting a macbook this week woooo]

[jagermeister]

Smarten up and move on.

[popdisaster00]

My gf and I just hit 3 years, and we live together. It's great.

We dated when we were 16/17 for abuot 6 months, then broke up and stayed apart for about 6 months, then got back together and its been 3 years since.

However, if you are breaking up 3+ times and still getting back together, you oughtta learn your lesson

[HelpMeSleep]

Yeah, it's especially annoying when the thread only had 20 replies, which makes you think it's a new thread. When it's just old and full of shit.
[yeah foreal. =[ sorry bout your computer, I'm getting a macbook this week woooo]
agreed. and thanks, I just felt bad because I definitely meant to reply and never did. and that's awesome! macbooks are the best. :-)

[argg_xo]

agreed. and thanks, I just felt bad because I definitely meant to reply and never did. and that's awesome! macbooks are the best. :-)
MMMAAANNNNNDDDDDDllllllll!

[4N6 science]

you're not too bright there, you might want to lighten up your sky and see clearly.

[argg_xo]

you're not too bright there, you might want to lighten up your sky and see clearly.
that was so poetic.

[4N6 science]

that was so poetic.

I'm a poet and didn't know it!!

[argg_xo]

I'm a poet and didn't know it!!
you're so crafty and original! i love it!

[4N6 science]

you're so crafty and original! i love it!

That's me babe! :flirt:

[argg_xo]

That's me babe! :flirt:
best smilely ever!

[4N6 science]

best smilely ever!

oh is it?! :flirt: --> :fuck:

[MarsEatWorld]

agreed. and thanks, I just felt bad because I definitely meant to reply and never did. and that's awesome! macbooks are the best. :-)
It's all good. I haven't been around at all.

[argg_xo]

oh is it?! :flirt: --> :fuck:
hahaha! give me the creepy thumbs up smilely and i will immediatley take you to bed.

[4N6 science]

hahaha! give me the creepy thumbs up smilely and i will immediatley take you to bed.


YES! I can't wait to just pop up out of nowhere in detriot and give you the creepy thumbs up!

[argg_xo]

YES! I can't wait to just pop up out of nowhere in detriot and give you the creepy thumbs up!
i'll be scared and then excited! and then we can have crepes after.

[4N6 science]

i'll be scared and then excited! and then we can have crepes after.

that sounds so awesome. Crepes after sex, mmmm.

[argg_xo]

that sounds so awesome. Crepes after sex, mmmm.
yum! i'm down for that.

[4N6 science]

yum! i'm down for that.


stellar!

[argg_xo]

stellar!
you just have to come to ghetto fab detroit soon!

[4N6 science]

you just have to come to ghetto fab detroit soon!

yah that might be hard since ill be going to school in the fall.

[argg_xo]

yah that might be hard since ill be going to school in the fall.
ummm, you have all summer darling.

[4N6 science]

ummm, you have all summer darling.

well i work everyday.

[HelpMeSleep]

MMMAAANNNNNDDDDDDllllllll!
BFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!! :-)

It's all good. I haven't been around at all.
yeah, I've been pretty much the same way.

[argg_xo]

well i work everyday.
excuses, excuses.
BFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!! :-)


yeah, I've been pretty much the same way.
BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!


<3

[4N6 science]

excuses, excuses.

LOL... i thought that was a legit excuse.

[argg_xo]

LOL... i thought that was a legit excuse.
not really, even though i use the same excuse to not hang out with creepers/ghetto thugs.

i might let it slide this time.

[4N6 science]

not really, even though i use the same excuse to not hang out with creepers/ghetto thugs.

i might let it slide this time.

i hope you let it slide this time

[argg_xo]

i hope you let it slide this time
i guesssss so.

[HelpMeSleep]

BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!


<3
you're one of the few things I miss about ap now that I'm not on very much. <3

[xxCarpeDiem]

That's a fucking fairytale. Love isn't like that. Love is so hard and so stressful that sometimes, you just happen to give up during moments of weakness. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not love; it just means we're all human.

I'm not saying the OP is in love. I'm just saying you're wrong.

I speak from experience, darling. I know that everyone has their issues. BELIEVE ME, I know. That is not what I was saying. If you're in love, nothing else should matter.

And I only post in threads that are on the board and have few responses.

[thespearkid]

I speak from experience, darling. I know that everyone has their issues. BELIEVE ME, I know. That is not what I was saying. If you're in love, nothing else should matter.

And I only post in threads that are on the board and have few responses.
Again, I feel like you're saying because the OP is on and off again that it's not love. I'm not saying it is (it probably in't). I'm jutst saying it's totally possible for a couple to be in love and to still have problems.