...i guess ill cuddle with elmo tonight

[soreloser]

the sheets are pulled off
at the foot of my bed
and nothing i said
changed the way that she felt
and the way she walked out
with her socks in her hands
and her hair out of place
in a fashion that rivals
the cutest escapes.
if last night was a dream
please dont let me wake up
tomorrow is filled
with too many mistakes.

[roboticKID]

tomorrow was filled? if its tomorrow how do you already know..

other then thats, its good homie.

[emoXcomotion]

this was good, it had good flow and rhyme scheme. other than you mixing up your tenses in the line mentioned already, its pretty rad.
<3keep it up, keep it alive.

[soreloser]

Well, see i was trying to make it be like he wanted to stay inside the night before... Because things went wrong in the morning (which would be tomorrow). I guess it doesn't work.

[soreloser]

There. Edited it a bit. I left the "tomorrow was" part though... I'm fairly pleased with it now.

[emoXcomotion]

flows a bit better, i'm still not sure on the tomorrow was bit. "tomorrow is" is a bit more logical, and still gets your point across. however this is your work. just a little bit of constructive criticism
<3

[thefalloutgirl]

i liked this. something that kinda got to me though was the ending.

if last night was a dream
please dont let me wake up
tomorrow is filled
with too many mistakes.

the way you said it kinda seemed ... expected. maybe you can say the same thing, but in a more creative way. just my two cents. good job :wink3: