Nicole's Great Comeback!

[Baby VenomVeins]

Hey everyone.
Its been a while since I've been on here.
Computer crashed blah blah blah blah. I hope I've been missed even if just a tiny tiny bit.
Anyways I've been writing some and I'd like some feedback please.




They ignite their own fires
Scarring cigarette burns are only pretend.
Something to hold the place
Until a new scar appears.

They drown in their own homes
Drinking down metaphorical whisky
Until their glasses are empty
Only to be filled again with fallacies.

They sink to their own lows
Bathing ritually in premature sin
Hoping it replenishes the pores
Until they can refill the holes with filth

They talk to themselves
Planning the next empty conversation
Until it actually happens to them
Whispering words that are just as mundane

They write their own stories
Imagining lives ideal and unattainable
Chasing anything that resembles a dream
Until they reach the end of the sidewalk

They follow the Tao
Naming him after anything tied down
Truly believing in enlightenment
Until they have to give up everything

They paint their own rooms
Preferring cheap hotel décor
As the perfect backdrop for their lives
Until they turn out the lights

[TK]

Welcome back.

I promise I'll read this tomorrow and try to comment on this, but I'm too tired tonight.

[bootsydan]

This is really quite good.

Just at a guess, does 'they' refer to us as common people?

[TK]

I agree with Tim, this is really good. The only thing I didn't like about this was the third stanza. It just kind of put me off from the rest of the piece.


They write their own stories
Imagining lives ideal and unattainable
Chasing anything that resembles a dream
Until they reach the end of the sidewalk

They follow the Tao
Naming him after anything tied down
Truly believing in enlightenment
Until they have to give up everything

They paint their own rooms
Preferring cheap hotel décor
As the perfect backdrop for their lives
Until they turn out the lights

My favorite parts.

[Baby VenomVeins]

This is really quite good.

Just at a guess, does 'they' refer to us as common people?

Thanks for commenting :)
"They" is specifically the kind of people I've been meeting at school, but it's also general for everyone else you want to apply it to.

I agree with Tim, this is really good. The only thing I didn't like about this was the third stanza. It just kind of put me off from the rest of the piece.


They write their own stories
Imagining lives ideal and unattainable
Chasing anything that resembles a dream
Until they reach the end of the sidewalk

They follow the Tao
Naming him after anything tied down
Truly believing in enlightenment
Until they have to give up everything

They paint their own rooms
Preferring cheap hotel décor
As the perfect backdrop for their lives
Until they turn out the lights

My favorite parts.
Thanks man :)
Those were actually my favorite parts too.
In the third stanza I really liked the idea of sin and such becoming a part of someone like soaking in through their skin. So I'll either just cut it out or try making it fit with the rest.