Benches In Grass

[Shanooty]

I wrote a poem and put some guitar behind it.

You can watch a video of me playing it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZuR1DJb4Ck.

The words are...

What do you want?
What do you need?
Whatever it is, I'm sure it isnt free.

What do you see?
What do you feel?
Whatever it is I'm sure it isn't real.

What do you keep?
What do you leave?
Whatever it is, I'm sure it's make beleve.

And what do you hear?
And what do you fear?
Whatever it is, I'm sure it isn't clear.

And when you lose what you've been given
Just know that you've had it.
And when you've gained what's been hidden
Just know how to keep it.

And where do you go?
Where do you stay?
Wherever it is, I'm sure it's better than the day.

Where are you now?
And where will you be?
Just lock the door and throw away the key.

And all that you drink,
And all that you think,
No it won't! keep you from teetering on the brink.

And all that you took,
From that Holy Book,
No it won't! make you any less of a crook.

And when you lose what you've been given
Just know that you've had it.
And when you've gained what's been hidden
Just know how to keep it.

All that you give,
And all that you take,
Won't even get you close to a break.

And all that you were,
And all that you are,
Won't even get you close, or even very far.

And all i can say,
At the end of the day,
Is everything is going to be O.K.

[Where.Love.Lies]

I really like it, its awesome!
I understand its supposed to sound like a stronger song but I think you could be a bit softer on the "whats" and with more of a singing voice.
Other than that it was fantastic and filled with emotion!

[Shanooty]

thank you for the criticism. i need as much as i can get to make myself a better performer.

[lew_1987]

I feel that there was too much repetition; in both the music and the lyrics.

[Shanooty]

I recorded a new video of a song I wrote entitled "Let Me Know Man"

You can watch me playing it on YouTube...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkidA7NZVf4


Let Me Know Man

Is there anything that we can do to change the things that have left us blue?
Is there anyway that we can stop the putrid stench coming from the top?
If there is just let me know man.
If there is just let me go man.

Was there always time to make it right? To make it bright in the moonlight.
Was there ever a place that made things good where people laughed and understood?
If there was just let me know man.
If there was just let it show man.

I found a feeling that made me do everything I wanted to.
I found a map that showed me where I could find a place that did not care.
But as I raised my bloody fists, the lovers ended all of their trysts.
If I see just let me know man.
If I breathe just let me know man.

With all these things in all their eyes, none of it's real and all of it's lies.
So they cast the first stone to bloody us up.
And they drank all our souls from a poison cup.
If they're right just let me know man.
If they bite just let me know man.

Going to a place with all of your fears, when suddenly they leave you and a man appears.
He said, "Son I know you're feeling alright, you just don't know it yet, it's only midnight. And when the sun comes up on the world tomorrow, you won't need to scream or hold on to your sorrow."
If it's true just let me know man.
If it's a breakthrough let me know man.

"On the contrary my dear sir, none of these events will ever occur. For what you say is only partially true, merely half of it shall come from you. The other half will come from me, because two halves make one, not three."
If you're scared than be a man, man.
If it's declared than write it down man.

We packed up our things:our whit and our grit.
We didn't look back, we'd never submit.
And like the man said the sun came up.
And like what they did we drank from the cup.
If we're wrong we'll sing a song man.
If you're right than sing along man.
If we're right we'll sing a song man.
If you're wrong than sing along man.