Do You Think Of Me?

[tragedyoftiming]

The hand you hold, does it feel like mine?
Is it strong and gentle, safe and kind?
The lips you kiss, do they taste like me?
Are they soft and meaningful, intent but free?
When you hear his voice does your heart skip beats?
Do his loving words make you feel complete?
Do you wear my shirt and close your eyes?
Imagine my hands around your thighs?
When you make love to him does the experience compare?
Do you smell my cologne in the summer air?
The eyes you gaze into, are they tepid and blue?
Do they silently say 'I love you'?
The chest you feel, is it powerful and wide?
When it envelopes your body, does your breathing subside?
The arms that surround you, do they protect you from harm?
Do they catch you when you fall, do they make you feel warm?
The face you caress, is it honest and sincere?
Does it trust you implicitly, does it remove your fear?
On the nights you are lonely, scared and alone,
Do you still dream of us, sleeping in our home?
When you hear The Ataris is the experience surreal?
Do the lyrics resonate and test your will?
When you watch The Notebook do the tears still fall?
Crystal my love, do you even think of me at all?

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More on my blog here (http://tragedyoftiming.blogspot.com).

[Poe-tryGirl]

So good! And sad! You have an immense talent. Check mine out in my blog.

[_NotDeadYet_]

AWwww.w..... omg!! so sad... and beautiful.... that was just wonderful. i love it. :']

[thespearkid]

Cliched, annoying, awkward at times.

[tragedyoftiming]

Thank you for the compliments! Since her and I are no longer talking it's incredibly warm and validating to see praise from other people.

Thanks again.

[Poe-tryGirl]

Thank you for the compliments! Since her and I are no longer talking it's incredibly warm and validating to see praise from other people.

Thanks again.

NO worries. I like poe-try.

[The Personist]

The AABB rhyme scheme is hard to make interesting, and you use very simplistic rhymes. You also don't seem to have any intent other than to ask her a bunch of questions. There's no real emotion in the poem; you're just comparing yourself to this other guy and bringing up a bunch of stuff you used to do with this girl. It's a very selfish poem. Now, I know the feeling; I was like that when I broke up with my first girlfriend. I kept comparing myself to that other guy and wondering what she saw in him. It's not fun. The thing is, though, that you can get away from it. You shouldn't focus on the comparisons between you and the other guy as much. It works a few times, but for the most part, you want to talk about you and her, not you and HIM. You need to connect to the feeling and write about it, because that's what makes poetry good. Your imagery isn't evocative at all; I don't feel anything remotely close to it. You've got to get outside your head and make this universal. I think you should read Sylvia Plath. She wrote an intensely personal kind of poetry, but somehow made that something with which we can all identify.

[tragedyoftiming]

Thanks for the time AA. You are dead-on, it was supposed to be a comparison between he and I and the only work I have ever written as such. She is a battered wife and the grand question (without asking it) was, 'How can you stay?' Outside the context of the relationship between her and I, I can see the lack of connection.

It's ironic in that you felt nothing from it, she read it once and cried hysterically, she hasn't read it since. It was a personal piece that I never thought would be read by anybody else, I have never shared any of my work with anybody but her but recent events have me looking for different outlets.

I do like Sylvia Plath, I have for a while.

Thanks again for your time.

[tragedyoftiming]

The AABB rhyme scheme is hard to make interesting, and you use very simplistic rhymes. You also don't seem to have any intent other than to ask her a bunch of questions. There's no real emotion in the poem; you're just comparing yourself to this other guy and bringing up a bunch of stuff you used to do with this girl. It's a very selfish poem. Now, I know the feeling; I was like that when I broke up with my first girlfriend. I kept comparing myself to that other guy and wondering what she saw in him. It's not fun. The thing is, though, that you can get away from it. You shouldn't focus on the comparisons between you and the other guy as much. It works a few times, but for the most part, you want to talk about you and her, not you and HIM. You need to connect to the feeling and write about it, because that's what makes poetry good. Your imagery isn't evocative at all; I don't feel anything remotely close to it. You've got to get outside your head and make this universal. I think you should read Sylvia Plath. She wrote an intensely personal kind of poetry, but somehow made that something with which we can all identify.

I appreciate your comments and insight, I forgot to mention in the earlier post. All of my poetry is written with a single song looping in the background and for the most part it adopts the same cadence, that is the reason for the AABB. I have written other work that has no pentameter at all but it is usually more personal than I would ever share. I can't recall what song was looping during this writing, could have been 'There Is' by Box Car Racer, 'Good F'n Bye' by Matt Skiba, or 'Buried' or 'Enjoy Your Day' by Alkaline Trio.

Love sucks.