Starlight (Upper Middle Class Angst)

[shadow_666]

Okay this is meant to be a lyric rather than a poem, but anyway you get the idea. Imagine some real grungy, sludgy guitar and heavy bass as the music (I'm working on the guitar line).

When I was a boy, everyone would say to me,
Son when you grow up, what do you want to be
I would say shoot, I really don't know,
Maybe I just want to be nothing at all

(different, more melodic riff)
They'd say to me, son you're just naive
Soon you'll grow up, soon you'll learn
You're gonna be just like your daddy
And a big fat paycheck you shall earn

(half-screaming)
Living in the starlight
Living in the spotlight
Living in the starlight
Star shines round you all night

(chorus)
I don't wanna be what you say I should be
I don't wanna be what you think I should be
I don't wanna be what you want me to be
I don't wanna be what you believe me to be

I grew up rich, had a flat screen TV
With that TV sat a brand new PS3
I lived in a big house on top of a hill
And I never had to work behind a till

I wanted to know, something different of life
I didn't want a big house, two kids and a wife
I wanted to be, more than a rich kid
Which is why I do the things I did

(different, more melodic riff)
They'd say to me, son you're just naive
Soon you'll grow up, soon you'll learn
You're gonna be just like your daddy
And a big fat paycheck you shall earn

(short guitar solo, followed by bass line)

(whispering)
Living in the starlight
Living in the spotlight
Living in the starlight
Star shines round you all night
Living in the starlight
Living in the spotlight
Living in the starlight
Star shines round you all night
(screaming)
Living in the starlight
Living in the spotlight
Living in the starlight
Star shines round you all night

(second, longer solo)

(chorus)
I don't wanna be what you say I should be
I don't wanna be what you think I should be
I don't wanna be what you want me to be
I don't wanna be what you believe me to be

[lew_1987]

First of all, we don't particularly need musical notes on this, other than which part of the song (verse, chorus, etc.) it is, if you deem it necessary. The beginning was too conversational and uninteresting... this is something that I'm sure pretty much everyone knows, so you can grab their interest with this idea and then make it interesting in some way. The chorus had too much repetition, without a reason. Why don't you want to be what they say you should be? There needs to be some kinf of revelation after the repetition, otherwise it is pretty much meaningless. The second verse really made me cringe, I'd just get rid of that completely. The mention of the PS3 is really unnecessary. The same point about repetition goes for the middle section... there appears to be no real reason for it. And once again, leave off the musical notes... your description at the top is enough.