Favorite Hedberg Joke

[LostInTheCrowd]

Well I figured it's better to laugh than cry in this situation so lets all post our favorite Mitch jokes.

"I was gonna get a candy bar and the button I was supposed to push was HH. So I went to the side, found the H button and pushed it twice.....fuckin potato chips came out man......because they had an HH button for christs sakes. You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA, BB, CC's, god god, damnit damnit."

[catch4usthefoxs]

Well I figured it's better to laugh than cry in this situation so lets all post our favorite Mitch jokes.

"I was gonna get a candy bar and the button I was supposed to push HH. So I went to the side, found the H button and pushed it twice.....fuckin potato chips came out man......because they had an HH button for christs sakes. You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA, BB, CC's, god god, damnit damnit."
lame

lame
has the new alkaline trio cd leaked?

[boysdontcry]

lame


has the new alkaline trio cd leaked?
you're lame.


and alk3 leaked a while ago.

[LastCarInAlaska]

one time, i called shotgun when we had rented a limo. So I FUCKED UP.

[catch4usthefoxs]

you're lame.


and alk3 leaked a while ago.
hook it up...please

there was a mexican, a white guy, and an asian guy
one day
they were on a boat and they had to lighten the load.

the mexican threw his bag of beans,
the asian guy threw a bag of rice and
guess what the white guy threw
The mexican

[boysdontcry]

hook it up...please

there was a mexican, a white guy, and an asian guy
one day
they were on a boat and they had to lighten the load.

the mexican threw his bag of beans,
the asian guy threw a bag of rice and
guess what the white guy threw
The mexican
shit. normally i would but i'm sitting at work right now. i'm sure someone else can send it to you or you could always get it off the #absolutepunk channel on mIRC.

[catch4usthefoxs]

how do i use it?

[Chemical Love]

he was a funny guy.

i dont know any of his jokes by heart.

[Pat Marquez]

how do i use it?
:headshake

[catch4usthefoxs]

:headshake
stfu, i need help, and last time I checked it is not very user friendly

stfu, i need help, and last time I checked it is not very user friendly
and west virgina BLOWS

[Pat Marquez]

stfu, i need help, and last time I checked it is not very user friendly


and west virgina BLOWS
:headshake .. damn noobies. Always talk bigger then they really are.

[Thomas Sway]

When I was on acid, I'd see things like beams of light.
And I would hear things that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

[Pat Marquez]

stfu, i need help, and last time I checked it is not very user friendly


and west virgina BLOWS
GOD DAMN are you goofy looking. Helllllllllo Mr. Squidward. Your nose looks like a dick and your eyes are so close to that large shnauz of yours you look like you have down syndrome. I understand why your life sucks. Sorry.

[catch4usthefoxs]

:headshake .. damn noobies. Always talk bigger then they really are.
ive been here longer then you have retard. just because i have a life, and dont post here as much is not my fault.

[boysdontcry]

GOD DAMN are you goofy looking. Helllllllllo Mr. Squidward. Your nose looks like a dick and your eyes are so close to that large shnauz of yours you look like you have down syndrome. I understand why your life sucks. Sorry.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

sometimes i like you and sometimes i love you.

[catch4usthefoxs]

GOD DAMN are you goofy looking. Helllllllllo Mr. Squidward. Your nose looks like a dick and your eyes are so close to that large shnauz of yours you look like you have down syndrome. I understand why your life sucks. Sorry.
hey, its gotten me alotta of pussy...including your mom.

[boysdontcry]

ive been here longer then you have retard. just because i have a life, and dont post here as much is not my fault.
pat's been here longer than you have... retard.

[Apocalypse Now]

I'm gunna miss this guy. One of the funniest comedians I've ever heard of. My favorite is the chair-lunch/dinner joke. "Come in around...one. But you have to leave before 11 because you're not sleeping in the fucking chairs." And the "Saved by the buoyancy of citrus" joke, it's great. He will be missed.

[Pat Marquez]

ive been here longer then you have retard. just because i have a life, and dont post here as much is not my fault.
Haha. Okay.

[catch4usthefoxs]

pat's been here longer than you have... retard.
actually, i have been here since the summer of 03.

[Pat Marquez]

hey, its gotten me alotta of pussy...including your mom.
I'm almost %110 certain that was not only thee lamest "your mom" joke, you have never seen my Mom.

[boysdontcry]

actually, i have been here since the summer of 03.
and you stole my old avatar.

[LostInTheCrowd]

GOD DAMN are you goofy looking. Helllllllllo Mr. Squidward. Your nose looks like a dick and your eyes are so close to that large shnauz of yours you look like you have down syndrome. I understand why your life sucks. Sorry.

Normally I wouldn't condone this type of behavior but you had to be an ass first. So kudos to Pat.

[dude45230]

Back on topic...

"I got a 'Do not disturb' sign onmy hotel door. It's time to go with 'Don't disturb', it's been 'Do not' for too long; we need to embrace the contraction. 'Do not' psyches you out: "Do"- all right, I get to disturb this guy; "Not"- shit! I need to read faster!"

[FinchBulldog2]

I can't remember exactly how it goes off the top of my head, but something like this:
"They have corn on the cob. When corn is off the cob, they just call it corn. Does that mean that my arm is Mitch and my whole body is Mitch all together?"

I butchered that, but that's the main idea.

[selftitled85]

i got my hair highlighted cuz i thought some strands were more important than others

dufrene party of 2...dufrene party of 2...and if they dont come up you go to the next group. how can you eat at a time like this, the dufrenes are missing and your here being selfish. and worse, they are really hungry

this guy said you have to move your blocking a fire exit, so if theres a fire i wasnt gonna run. if your flammable and have legs your never blocking a fire exit. and you can write that down and put a dash in front of it. and put my name at the bottom.

oh i forgot...

i used to do drugs, well i still do but i used to too.

[Thomas Sway]

and you stole my old avatar.
I get mad at him every time I see it.

[FinchBulldog2]

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like "Here, you throw this away."

I played in a death metal band. People either loved us or they hated us..or they thought we were okay.

[LostInTheCrowd]

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like "Here, you throw this away."

I think about that joke after every show I go to when people hand me shit after I leave the venue.

Another one, "Every books a children's book if the kid can read!"

[richter915]

he was a funny guy.

i dont know any of his jokes by heart.
who the fuck is this guy anyway?

[a typicalcliche]

hhaha yeah, im lost

[LostInTheCrowd]

who the fuck is this guy anyway?

A great comedian. Here (http://www.comedycentral.com/standup/central/detail.jhtml?p=/comedians/h/mitch_hedberg.xml) is some videos if you wanna check him out.

[FrancesTheMute]

rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something

[richter915]

A great comedian. Here (http://www.comedycentral.com/standup/central/detail.jhtml?p=/comedians/h/mitch_hedberg.xml) is some videos if you wanna check him out.
so those bands in between the mitch hedberg pics have nothing to do with him?

[LostInTheCrowd]

so those bands in between the mitch hedberg pics have nothing to do with him?

No.

[infamous_alias]

either:
"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and your a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."

or:
"I brought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the senerio where I would have to prove that I broughrt a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

[aminorthreat55]

ive been here longer then you have retard. just because i have a life, and dont post here as much is not my fault.
No you haven't. That just shows how much you know.

I like the "England's fire prevention representative, smacky the frog". If I can find the joke I'll post it.

My favorites are:

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

In England Smoky the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought 'man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog...' You never say here comes that frog in a nervous manner. It's always optimistic. Hey here comes that frog, al-right. Maybe he'll come near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to. And I'm pretty sure I'd have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16 ounce world.

[LostInTheCrowd]

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."


lol. I forgot that one.