What a Life

[Darkstar8801]

I've written a crap load of songs, but this will be the first one to be critiqued by someone other than a close friend. Feedback will be much appreciated.


What a Life

Verse1
I wake up in the morning
And put on my new suit
It makes me feel important
It makes others think it too
I go to work to sit on my ass
Wondering why I'm here
Then go home to ease the pain
With a two or three pints of beer

Bridge
So cold, this world is unforgiving
I thought when I was born I'd earned my living!

Chorus
What a life!
Oh, what a life!
What glory, what a gift they say
Oh what a fucking lie!
What a life!
Oh, what a life!
What bullshit will they serve today
Just to prove who's right?
What a life!

Verse2
Morning after morning
That alarm screams in my brain
Telling me a new days come
It makes me go insane!
And then I go to work to sit on my ass
Wasting my life away
Working for the man in the better suit
My true self feels betrayed

Bridge
So cold, this world is unforgiving
I thought when I was born I'd earned my living!

Chorus
What a life!
Oh, what a life!
What glory, what a gift they say
Oh what a fucking lie!
What a life!
Oh, what a life!
What bullshit will they serve today
Just to prove who's right?
What a life!

Verse3
Morning after Morning!
I've finally had enough!
I'll dowse that suit in gasoline!
'Cause I don't need their stuff!
I need some therapy now!
I think I've lost my head!
Or maybe I'll stay home today!
And have a drink instead!

Then back to the final bridge and chorus...possibly sticking a guitar solo somewhere in there.

[look4me]

lol wow... I haven't read much here, but this is definitely one of the best I've seen. It's got a little bit of humor in it, along with a realistic point and what I really liked about it, is that it didn't seem forced or just a couple or rhyming lines. It flowed nicely. Loved it =]

[Darkstar8801]

lol wow... I haven't read much here, but this is definitely one of the best I've seen. It's got a little bit of humor in it, along with a realistic point and what I really liked about it, is that it didn't seem forced or just a couple or rhyming lines. It flowed nicely. Loved it =]


Glad you liked it...I'll have plenty more.

[kaycey]

nice, i like it.

[lew_1987]

To be honest, I can't believe that you're 19.

[fishingthe_sky]

To be honest, I can't believe that you're 19.
Agreed

[Darkstar8801]

To be honest, I can't believe that you're 19.

Agreed

That's fair, I know I'm immature for my age. Give me some feedback on the song at least and not about myself, damn.

[lew_1987]

That's fair, I know I'm immature for my age. Give me some feedback on the song at least and not about myself, damn.

I did, indirectly.