View Full Version : Whats Your Best Joke?
asianxcore
05/07/05, 06:53 AM
We just did dead baby jokes, but i want any type of joke avaliable whatever is your best bring it!
What do you do when your done fucking helen keller?
Break her hands so she cant tell her mom.
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:09 AM
What do you call two dead chavs?
A good start to the day.
Not my best, one of my favorites, i think just the Brits will get that joke though.
allelish
05/07/05, 07:12 AM
Jill Dando's husband wanted to paint the front door red.....but jill was dead against it.
Anton Djamoos
05/07/05, 07:13 AM
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
allelish
05/07/05, 07:13 AM
Difference between neil armstrong and michael jackson?
Neil armstrong walks on the moon, michael jackson fucks kids.
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:15 AM
Why are black basketballers good?
Because they practice.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuck to his crotch.
The bartender says, "Hey, you got a wheel stuck to your crotch."
The pirate replies, "Yarr, me ship wrecked in a terrible storm and my testicles swelled with an infection while I was knocked unconscious against the wheel. Can you please call a doctor?"
punklet2101
05/07/05, 07:22 AM
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Ha. That just reminded me of something...
I was the only girl in a car full of boys.. one of them goes "Why do women get their periods? Because they deserve it!"
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:23 AM
What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic boy get for Christmas?
Cancer
What do you get when you're gay?
Made fun of.
What do you call a dead baby with a broken jaw?
Deepthroat
GothamCity_hXc
05/07/05, 07:30 AM
My Chemical Romance.
when 4ever ends
05/07/05, 07:31 AM
i saw this one in the racist joke thread a while ago..
how do you get a bunch of black people in a car?
throw in a box of kfc
how do you get them out?
throw in a job application
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:32 AM
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
What's the definition of cruelty?
Putting a black guy in a round room and saying dinner's in the corner
A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell.
"I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate.
"What is it?"
"Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back."
The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely.
FrancesTheMute
05/07/05, 07:34 AM
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.for some reason that actually made me laugh
how many dead babies can you fit into a microwave?
four.
sweethypocrisy
05/07/05, 07:35 AM
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuck to his crotch.
The bartender says, "Hey, you got a wheel stuck to your crotch."
The pirate replies, "Yarr, me ship wrecked in a terrible storm and my testicles swelled with an infection while I was knocked unconscious against the wheel. Can you please call a doctor?"
jajajajajajja
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:35 AM
how do you make a mime yell?
throw a brick at his face.
punklet2101
05/07/05, 07:35 AM
My Chemical Romance.
Hahaha
Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?
It's wet.
sweethypocrisy
05/07/05, 07:36 AM
a change of pace.
when 4ever ends
05/07/05, 07:36 AM
how do you make a mime yell?
throw a brick at his face.
hahahahaha
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:36 AM
What did the hobo get for Christmas?
Nothing.
Knock knock
Who's there?
The penis inspector!
Ditch the jokes and come inside, Tim, it's fucking cold.
A man had just become a father and was proudly viewing his newborn child in the infant care ward. Just then a nurse walks in and picks up his baby. She dropped the baby on the floor, stomped on its head, swung it round, threw it against the wall, broke its arms and legs, snapped its neck and threw its lifeless body against the window!!
The man rushed in shouting "WAHT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY!!!!!"
The nurse turns round and says "April fools! It died at birth!!!"
That wasn't funny at all :(
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:38 AM
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken's back.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distacted of late.
Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removalists van as it attempted to make its way home.
Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.
"Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flys". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.
What's black and blue and rocks in a corner?
A rape victim
Did I take it too far?
Love As Arson
05/07/05, 07:44 AM
Hilarious (http://www.plyrics.com/f/finch.html)
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:44 AM
What did Helen Keller name her dog?
oggkhknmfdsnkmnfdjznfj
As their plane spirals towards the ground, a young man asks the pretty girl next to him if she would have sex with him, as he does not want to die a virgin.
Surprised by this request, she declines, stating that in addition to the sheer inappropriateness of the idea, the mechanics of copulating in a crashing aircraft seem very difficult if not impossible.
He agrees and admits that he was only trying to lighten the mood. However, she was busy putting on her oxygen mask and didn't hear this last bit. They both spend the last moments of their lives in tense silence
What's Hellen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy
GothamCity_hXc
05/07/05, 07:46 AM
Hilarious (http://www.plyrics.com/f/finch.html)
Ive never actually seen the new lyrics before, there pretty urm...bad to say the least.
How do you stop an Ethyopian from drowning?
Throw him a Polo
What's the most scary movie in Sudan?
Gone with the wind.
FinchBulldog2
05/07/05, 07:55 AM
My Chemical Romance.
hahahaha
a typicalcliche
05/07/05, 07:56 AM
Hilarious (http://www.plyrics.com/f/finch.html)
ouch! i was expecting tubgirl
If a blonde and an emo kid jump off a building and hit the ground at the same time, who dies first?
The blonde, she drowns in the emo kid's tears
ouch! i was expecting tubgirl
On P-Lyrics?
exthuse
05/07/05, 07:57 AM
What did Batman say to Robin to get him in the car?
Get in the car.
What did Batman say to Robin to get him in the car?
Get in the car.
That was just lame :lol:
I have an oldie but a goodie:
Sisqo - Thong Song
exthuse
05/07/05, 08:00 AM
A very rich man had a son. He was very proud of his son. The son was smart and diligent and did well in school.
On the son's 16th birthday, the father went to his son and said "son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your 16th birthday."
The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 1,000 green golf balls.
The father was taken aback. "But son, that's such a strange request! Might I remind you that I'm VERY rich, and I could buy you ANYTHING your heart desires?!"
But the son was adamant, and his father, though confused, honored his son's request.
Some years later the son graduated from college at the top of his class. His father, once again beaming with pride, came to his son.
"Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your college graduation."
The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 2,000 green golf balls.
The father once again was confused, and a bit angry.
"Son, that's a ridiculous request! I'm offering to buy you ANYTHING you want! I'm a very rich man, and almost NOTHING is beyond my requisition! So please, reconsider, and tell me what you REALLY want!"
But the son was adamant, and his father, though bewildered and frustrated, honored his son's request.
Years later, the son, following in his father's footsteps, was a very successful businessman. He'd married a beautiful wife and borne his father many wonderful grandchildren.
One night as they ate dinner in an expensive restaurant, his father said to his son, "son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you in honor of your fantastic success and wonderful family."
Once again without blinking his son asked for 3,000 green golf balls.
Enraged, his father slammed his hands on the table and yelled, "WHY MUST YOU MOCK MY GENEROSITY SO?! FINE; YOU'LL HAVE YOUR STUPID GOLF BALLS, BUT YOU HAVE LOST YOURSELF A FATHER!"
And so the trade was made; the son's strange request for the animosity of his once-doting father.
Several years later, the father and the son not having spoken once since, the father got a call from a hospital informing him that his son had gotten into a terrible car accident and was dying. Forgetting all about his grudge against his son, the father flew down to his son's side in a flash. His son was conscious for the first time in days as his father arrived.
"Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I'm so sorry for disowning you! I know I never should have! I'm so sorry for the years we've lost! But I must know, son, why did you want all those green golfballs; those wretched orbs that drove us apart?! Surely you had a grand design for them; you're the perfect son and I could not have asked for anything more in the world than you!"
His son, on death's door, looked into his father's eyes and said weakly, "well, father, I-"
And then he died.
That thong th-thong thong thong!
What's so great about getting head from an Ethiopian chick?
You know she'll swallow
a typicalcliche
05/07/05, 08:02 AM
On P-Lyrics?
i thought the link would redirect to tubgirl
littlehope4us
05/07/05, 08:29 AM
whats the difference between 1,000 dead babies and a farari?
i don't have a farari in my garage.
colorlesscliche
05/07/05, 08:47 AM
Why are black basketballers good?
Because they practice.
Because they're negros. [knee grows]
allelish
05/07/05, 08:57 AM
how do you stop a black man from drowning?
take your foot off his head.
asianxcore
05/07/05, 09:37 AM
have you ever met hellen kellers boy freind?
no, neither had she
Cal Smith
05/07/05, 10:50 AM
What does a man with a 12-inch penis eat for breakfast.....................?
Well, this morning I had pancakes, yogurt, and coffee :animateds
A man with a 12 inch penis could have whatever he wants, he just gets his bitch to make it for him
PunkDrums182
05/07/05, 11:05 AM
Okay.. here is the absolute worst joke ever
Honestly i dont think anyone would ever laugh at this
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??
...
Cause it was dead ..
(Oh boy.. its not even over yet)
Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree .. ?
Cause it was tied to the first one ..
How can anyone think that is funny ?
Burnout2888
05/07/05, 11:06 AM
IF YOU ARE BLACK OR AGAINST BLACK JOKES, DO NOT READ FURTHER!
Why are there only two pallbearers at a black persons funeral?
Trash cans only have two handles on them.
What's the difference between a black jew and a white jew?
The black jew has to sit in the back of the oven.
Okay.. here is the absolute worst joke ever
Honestly i dont think anyone would ever laugh at this
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??
...
Cause it was dead ..
(Oh boy.. its not even over yet)
Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree .. ?
Cause it was tied to the first one ..
How can anyone think that is funny ?
Why did the 3rd monkey fall out the tree?
Because he thought it was a game
PunkDrums182
05/07/05, 11:11 AM
whats the difference between 1,000 dead babies and a farari?
i don't have a farari in my garage.
lmao i heard that yesterday .. oh man.. haha.
colorlesscliche
05/07/05, 11:12 AM
I liked that joke from 28 Days Later...
Something about the giraffe?
PunkDrums182
05/07/05, 11:12 AM
Why did the 3rd monkey fall out the tree?
Because he thought it was a game
hahahah that made me laugh.
exthuse
05/07/05, 11:17 AM
Why did the woman lose the beauty contest?
Because she was ugly.
Do you know the story of the driver of the bus?
no?
me too, I was in the back of the bus.
SicTrnsitGloria
05/07/05, 12:16 PM
People easily offended by racist jokes, black jokes, or the "n-word" stop reading now. I have nothing against you, but i admit to laughing at these.
Why do black people have nightmares?
Because someone shot the only one that had a dream
How do you stop an Amish tank?
shoot the two guys pushing it
What do you say when your t-v is floating in the middle of the night?
drop it ******
Why dont black people take asprin?
You have to pick the cotton out of the bottle
apoemtothedead
05/07/05, 12:18 PM
My favorite joke is too long to post. So I'll just leave you with the anticipation and wondering of what it is.
My favorite joke is too long to post. So I'll just leave you with the anticipation and wondering of what it is.
*leans forward expectantly*
c'mon post it
exthuse
05/07/05, 12:24 PM
*leans forward expectantly*
*takes ArTkY from behind*
Anton Djamoos
05/08/05, 07:46 PM
Bringing this back because I have a really good joke.
Why did the bear go to the toy store?
Because it had a gift certificate.
infamous_alias
05/08/05, 09:13 PM
Guy 1: I swear, someday I'm going to kill every fuckin Jew in this world....maybe a clown or two too.
Guy 2: Why the clowns?
Guy 1: See you don't even care about the Jews!
/oh snap
somesortofidiot
05/08/05, 09:38 PM
these jokes suck.
What's the difference between a hard turd and diarrhea?
You can gargle with diarrhea
Alex Djaferis
05/09/05, 01:43 AM
What's the difference between a hard turd and diarrhea?
You can gargle with diarrhea
where in NL are you?
noles05
05/09/05, 09:12 AM
unfortunately the only jokes i know are the racist kind so i won't be posting any :(
EnderDove
05/09/05, 09:15 AM
I have one......
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from stupid shit like this thread.
burntheaction
05/09/05, 09:17 AM
what do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
a stick.
[lame joke btw]
Signals Corrupted
05/09/05, 09:19 AM
what do you call a black guy who can fly a plane?
a black pilot
stay8teen
05/09/05, 10:41 AM
unfortunately the only jokes i know are the racist kind so i won't be posting any :(
why? oh, you're from texas. nevermind.
asianxcore
05/09/05, 10:46 AM
post em...c'mon c'mon
So these 2 guys are arguing over who has the smarter dog. One ot them says "Hey get this! My dog fetches me the newspaper in the morning and drops it on my lap", then s******s at the other man. The other guy says "I know... my dog told me..."
asianxcore
05/09/05, 10:49 AM
what do you not want to call a black person that starts with a N and ends with an R...Neighbor
slickwataris
05/09/05, 01:30 PM
What do you call frozen holy water?
Hopesicles!
Q. What did the blind, crippled kid get for Christmas?
A. Cancer
Q. What's the worst thing about having sex with a baby?
A. The sound the pelvis makes when it breaks
a typicalcliche
05/09/05, 01:35 PM
www.myspace.com/asianbilly
FinchBulldog2
05/09/05, 01:42 PM
Classic:
Why was the Indian sad?
Because white people took all of his land.
asianxcore
05/09/05, 01:59 PM
:ugly_tock Classic:
Why was the Indian sad?
Because white people took all of his land.
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