Dharma

[stendhal]

Dharma- Track one:

This is a huge project I embarked on a couple weeks ago. It's a musical. It'll be warm and acoustic, very folk-y. It's still being revised so that's where you guys come in. If you don't find the length intimidating or a bore, than please read. I want to make this record as good as possible so any feedback would be awesome (if there are any confusing parts or anything, any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

-Justin


--------------------------------------------------------
Narration: All is perception, the truth: subjective… from the blue of the sea, to the pitch of the black beneath. What we view is only what we choose to. Yet that does not change what is absolute verity: I carry the world with the utmost sincerity. To each, one cog, and each has their place in the flock. Mine is the shepherd, and to hold the gears of the clock.


"Dharma."

Coscious the Turtle:
There is a truth
One absolute
Not subject to change
Nor open for debate
There is a truth
But they cannot see it
They only perceive it
What they view is what the mind chooses to

We are all cogs with a place on the gears in the clock
We revolve with the hands and move along with the flock
Each acting as their own puzzle piece
With any selfish subtraction leaving the whole incomplete

The air I breathe creates foam on the sea
The greens and blues fervently roll under me
The levers and pulleys work tirelessly
Protected within me, they are mine to keep

I'm no prophet,
Nor fortune teller
I simply review the omens
That betoken
What turns out later.

For I've been around, in place, to time
I've seen it all unfold, and have assessed the signs
With this in mind, I know the end to be nigh,
Life will begin anew, but we all must die

The air I breathe creates foam on the sea
The greens and blues fervently roll under me
The levers and pulleys work tirelessly
Protected within me, they are mine to keep

The air I breathe creates foam on
The sea.


Narration: As De Duolcos takes a path not traveled, so is our story thus unraveled, as it is appropriate to begin a tale of wrong turns with the first. For one full season, he walked. Until the earth was green at his feet and met the sea.

[fishingthe_sky]

I'd like to comment on this, but it's far too long to make a meaningful post. Break up the pieces, that way each part can get it equal time.

[stendhal]

I wasn't sure if I should break each track apart and have them reviewed here because it tells a story... but I suppose as long as people know they aren't stand alone pieces it doesn't really matter.

*edit: I changed it to just the first track... so if anyone wants the whole thing, message me.

thanks, man.

[fishingthe_sky]

First off, I'm curious as to what way you're using the idea of Dharma here. It's a little unclear, mostly because in the narration you talk about the subjectivity of all truth, but then open with the absolution of a Truth. I'm assuming it's a Buddhist take, but I could also see the Hindu angle.

The whole cogs/levers/pulleys conceit is a little unclear, since your character talks about being a part of this system then (seemingly) about containing the system, meaning he is the system.

I liked this best: "I'm no prophet/Nor fortune teller/I simply review the omens"

[stendhal]

First off, I'm curious as to what way you're using the idea of Dharma here. It's a little unclear, mostly because in the narration you talk about the subjectivity of all truth, but then open with the absolution of a Truth. I'm assuming it's a Buddhist take, but I could also see the Hindu angle.

The whole cogs/levers/pulleys conceit is a little unclear, since your character talks about being a part of this system then (seemingly) about containing the system, meaning he is the system.

I liked this best: "I'm no prophet/Nor fortune teller/I simply review the omens"


I'm blending a few philosophies with this track (as a jist of what the entire story is about).

It's has a little bit of Nietchze's philosophy in the sense of what we view is subjective to the viewer therefore truth is subjective... but then has a Zen Buddhist take where it suggests that just because we all perceive something different, doesn't mean that there isn't an absolute truth. It also has the Hindu aspect of Dharma. The "We are all cogs" bit is telling of how everybody has a purpose and that no matter how small they percieve it, it could be critical.

As far as Cocsious, don't read quite that far into it. Just because something acts as a container, it doesn't mean they are the system. They just have their place, too.

Thank you for reading and you're two cents... much appreciated.

[fishingthe_sky]

I'm blending a few philosophies with this track (as a jist of what the entire story is about).

It's has a little bit of Nietchze's philosophy in the sense of what we view is subjective to the viewer therefore truth is subjective... but then has a Zen Buddhist take where it suggests that just because we all perceive something different, doesn't mean that there isn't an absolute truth. It also has the Hindu aspect of Dharma. The "We are all cogs" bit is telling of how everybody has a purpose and that no matter how small they percieve it, it could be critical.

As far as Cocsious, don't read quite that far into it. Just because something acts as a container, it doesn't mean they are the system. They just have their place, too.

Thank you for reading and you're two cents... much appreciated.
Hmmm, I'm curious to see how you will resolve all of these conflicting philosophies, especially Nietzsche and Zen. The latter would certainly argue that the former is a sick (as in unhealthy) viewpoint and that subjectivity is what prevents one from reaching the absolute.

I wasn't trying to read too far into it. I just read the first part about being a cog, but then also containing a system of pulleys and levers. Both suggest a similar if not same system of mechanics that makes life tick within the piece, at least when I read it, and I was pointing out that it seemed to be both inside and out at the same time, which is sort of dissonant. Granted, this could all be sorted out in the other pieces, but without their contexts, I'm going on what I see.

[stendhal]

I'm hoping the story resolves the conflicting philosophies by showing that there is an absolute truth, and we shouldn't question that, But instead search for it, and not let your own personal view (ego) skew it.

I guess it is kinda conflicting... because I'm using 'cog' as a metaphor, but then saying that Coscious contains cogs... (later in the story it tells how Coscious literally contains gears.) I'll see how I can fix this.

[stendhal]

I jokingly say that the underlining metaphor is global warming... but the truth is there is no underlining metaphor. I use the balance philosophy to further the story a bit, but it isn't the purpose of the musical. The purpose is really to be just a good story. Something to entertain.

Just to give you a bit more insight as to where I'm coming from.

[fishingthe_sky]

I jokingly say that the underlining metaphor is global warming... but the truth is there is no underlining metaphor. I use the balance philosophy to further the story a bit, but it isn't the purpose of the musical. The purpose is really to be just a good story. Something to entertain.

Just to give you a bit more insight as to where I'm coming from.
I think that weighty philosophic ideas in stories tend to lend themselves to purposes, whether you recognize it now or not. I'm interested to see how the rest will unfold. But I totally understand not wanting/having a true purpose. I've written a few poem sequences that are like that.

I saw you posted the second part. I'm chest deep in work right now, but I'll try and comment on it by the end of the week.

[Chigwinkle]

Inspired by Razia's Shadow by any chance?
I certainly was, and got into the conceptual lyric writing... I'm glad others are doing the same xD

[stendhal]

Inspired by Razia's Shadow by any chance?
I certainly was, and got into the conceptual lyric writing... I'm glad others are doing the same xD


I've written probably 6 different concept album's since I was 16... every single one seemed contrived and full of cliches. I never had the urge to complete any of them. The 'Razia' came out and I realized I didn't have to confine myself to a modern story.

So, in a word, yes.

[stendhal]

I think that weighty philosophic ideas in stories tend to lend themselves to purposes, whether you recognize it now or not. I'm interested to see how the rest will unfold. But I totally understand not wanting/having a true purpose. I've written a few poem sequences that are like that.

I saw you posted the second part. I'm chest deep in work right now, but I'll try and comment on it by the end of the week.


Thanks for commenting... it's nice to have an intelligent discussion.

I look forward to more.

[fishingthe_sky]

Thanks for commenting... it's nice to have an intelligent discussion.

I look forward to more.
I agree. I look forward to it too.

I just realized you wrote a poem called "Madison," which I liked. Makes me more excited to read part two.

[lew_1987]

Is this actually going to be performed, or is it something that you're just working on right now? I thought this part could do with a slight edit:

For I've been around, in place, to time
I've seen it all unfold, and have assessed the signs
With this in mind, I know the end to be nigh,
Life will begin anew, but we all must die

Although I realise you're trying to set the scene of the piece, it seems a bit too predictable. Mainly the last two lines seems to give a message which is a bit familiar to me. Other than that it was simply amazing.

P.S. Sorry it took me so long to getting around to reading this.

[stendhal]

Thank you for reading... as always, I appreciate your input.

It's kinda meant to give a 'prophecy' type thing... even though Coscious is not a prophet. I think I know what you mean by being 'familiar'... maybe it's a bit generic. I'll see if I can remedy this.

No worries man... thank you again.