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View Full Version : A five piece poem that is going to be split across my band's first ep


Chiefgango
11/30/08, 06:47 AM
I - Autumn Thoughts

I hadn't changed at all
When I saw the city
Where wonderous lights and sounds
Floated in unity
And yet I knew what this was
Not yet a burning
But a longing
For matters unexplained
Untold, undiscoverd
I fell in love with the city
Where wonderous lights and sounds
Floated in unity

II - Concerning The Order of The Bookshelves

When the trail of romance flows
Up to the break in the fountain
As knowledge screams out
Onto a world of true crime

That's when the mind wonders
What kind of kinship could be formed?
When eyes meet across empty shelves
When the flicker of knowledge keeps the fire alive

Who could have planned it?
Who would have thought that
The need, the longing, the love
Could be owned by position, by fate?

And what about me?
Am I a victim of the hand dealt
To a passing samaritan?
Or will I read alone, condemned to my own thoughts?

III - Further Reading

He said 'To be or not to be'
As if it were that simple
He said 'To die, to sleep'
As if there were no other options
What options do we have once we've crossed the road?
What roads are left when we've chosen our options?
I chose my path not a minute too soon
But learned it was wrong an hour too late
He said the everlasting 'fixed his canon against self-slaughter'
What a beautiful dilemma

IV - Me+You+Coffeshop=?

To stand in line
Is to fall in line
To follow the path
Is to lose track of what's important

But I am a sucker
I fall back down my own line
I follow my own path
That leads only to heartache

And at the end
Have I found what's important?
Or have I shot again
And failed to block my own bullet?

V - Upon Leaving

I had changed forever
When I left the city
Where dirty streets
Flattened their own dreams
I never knew what this was
A broken dream
Or a sudden realisation
Of matters unexplored
Undiscovered, unrevealed
I had my heart broken by the city
Where dirty streets
Flattened their own dreams

fishingthe_sky
12/06/08, 09:52 AM
Ditch IV. Most unoriginal/boring/cliched of the 5.

The return of I's form in V is a smart idea.

Burn That Shit
12/06/08, 10:30 AM
Yep, IV is pretty weak, other than that it doesn't look too bad.

Chiefgango
12/06/08, 06:06 PM
Ditch IV. Most unoriginal/boring/cliched of the 5.

The return of I's form in V is a smart idea.

yeah thats tended to be what people have said. The idea of it is that I got myself into the most cliched screwed up situation with a girl and the simplicity of the imagery is supposed to reflect that, but I can see why if you didn't know that it would just look cliched lol

fishingthe_sky
12/06/08, 11:43 PM
yeah thats tended to be what people have said. The idea of it is that I got myself into the most cliched screwed up situation with a girl and the simplicity of the imagery is supposed to reflect that, but I can see why if you didn't know that it would just look cliched lol
Either way you look at it, it's still cliched. No one is going to get that but you, and writing it this way will only weak the work as a whole. Don't acknowledge cliches as being cliches, either; that's almost as hackneyed as the cliches themselves. As a rule of thumb, avoid cliche whenever possible, even as what is supposed to be a deliberate attempt at it. It takes a rare artist to be able to manipulate them in ways that make them refreshed and new.