Heart on a Stake

[xforestxwaitsx]

Atoning for my sin,
the mistake of loving you.
I lingered to long,
until the end,
give me minutes precious and few.

"How about a new life?"
every kiss seemed to suggest.
I hated it, but i loved it.
the pain of the knife,
you stabbed into my chest.

My heart on stake,
what a lovely thought.
Forget me and leave,
cause I'm not afraid.
Pray to "Gods" you don't get caught.

One bitter taste
the bite of cold, hard steel
kissing you was like that,
each line of your face,
and I thought that it was real.

They came to live and breathe,
every dream I had of you.
But don't worry, you hurt me bad enough.
I wished it all with ease,
the thoughts of a love that was true.

[kimosabe]

stop posting. seriuosly.

[xforestxwaitsx]

stop posting. seriuosly.

shut the fuck up, seriously

[Pseudonym]

hey your emo.... Power to the people right? Emo forever i guess, If thats not so bad right. oh and guess what. I'm better than you are so na na na naan na

[xforestxwaitsx]

wait what? you lost me bro.....emo people are a breed of their own...yeah I guess i'm "emo", better than me at what?

[ArTkY_]

Emo is a stupid term, all it means is emotional. Using emo to describe music is sorta stupid because most music has some sort of emotion behind it. Oh and I'm not commenting on your song or your posts...

[xforestxwaitsx]

Emo is a stupid term, all it means is emotional. Using emo to describe music is sorta stupid because most music has some sort of emotion behind it. Oh and I'm not commenting on your song or your posts...

i think i'll go cry now, you don't want to read my stuff.

[ArTkY_]

I read it, its okay.

[xforestxwaitsx]

thank you, i'm really not a huge bitch, just when people piss me off with stupid comments. sorry if I was short with you. i actually like your stuff.

[ArTkY_]

what stuff? if you read cross out the eyes.. that wasn't me. I only have one song I've ever posted on here and that's Die With Me... If you wanna read it it's in the lyrics stuff probably on another page. Although personally, I hate that song I wrote.

[xforestxwaitsx]

i read you on the lyrics board at one point or another. I'm not stupid, i know cross the out the eyes wasn't you.

[ArTkY_]

ok lol, making sure.

[xforestxwaitsx]

cool, i know pretty well who posts here and who doesn't. any constructive comments on the poem? what can I change to make it better?

[ArTkY_]

My heart on stake,
what a lovely thought.
Forget me and leave,
cause I'm not afraid.
Pray to "Gods" you don't get caught.

One bitter taste
the bite of cold, hard steel
kissing you was like that,
each line of your face,
and I thought that it was real.

They came to live and breathe,
every dream I had of you.
But don't worry, you hurt me bad enough.
I wished it all with ease,
the thoughts of a love that was true.
The bolded stuff is what I thought needed revision...

[xforestxwaitsx]

ahh, okay, what was it that you didn't like about those parts

[ArTkY_]

I don't know what to do in the first bolded part... but in the second one you put a metaphor+simile thing that made it sound messed up. Make it like "One bitter taste, a kiss, like the bite of cold steel.." or something like that, I'm not the best writer. And in the last one I think it should just be "You've hurt me enough"

[xforestxwaitsx]

okay....did you read the other poem on here?

[ArTkY_]

Which one

[xforestxwaitsx]

"river of mortal red"

[kimosabe]

"river of mortal red"
how can you serioulsy post a 'poem' with a title like that without laughing?"river of mortal red"? or atleast thinking 'nah, that's too cliché....' No red signs went off in your head? at all?

[xforestxwaitsx]

how can you serioulsy post a 'poem' with a title like that without laughing?"river of mortal red"? or atleast thinking 'nah, that's too cliché....' No red signs went off in your head? at all?

how about you read it and then critisize.

[ArTkY_]

Eh, I didn't care for it

[xforestxwaitsx]

okay, thanx anyway

[Pseudonym]

sorry i haven't been posting, i've been preoccupied with stupid shit
Don't ask me to criticize cause i would either be plainly flat out mean, or just not say anything, i'm not to good at the whole thing without coming off like a shit head
oh and kimosabe ( if thats how you spell it) why don't you go fuck yourself, you just bother me

[IAmCountryMusic]

okay, thanx anyway
youre hot

[kimosabe]

any constructive comments on the poem? what can I change to make it better?
you should perform it live while juggeling chainsaws. on flames. with a stick of dynamite attached.

[IAmCountryMusic]

i think i'll go cry now
dont make fun of me:(:(:(:(:(

[cut.up.angel]

I love this poem.. it's awesome

[Pseudonym]

Hey Kimosabe, why don't you take a fucking chainsaw and stick it up your ass then why dont you shut the fuck up. ( hey he really bothers me)

[kimosabe]

Hey Kimosabe, why don't you take a fucking chainsaw and stick it up your ass then why dont you shut the fuck up. ( hey he really bothers me)
Show me on the doll where your father touches you.

and what's up with the "( hey he really bothers me)"? Swearing out loud even when your alone i normal. Somtimes talking to yourself is normal. But fucking typing to yourself? schizo bastard...
Do you hear the voices in your head? "kill yourself! kill yourself!"

[Dumpweed]

you should perform it live while juggeling chainsaws. on flames. with a stick of dynamite attached.

That would make me cream my pants.

[Pseudonym]

yeah i am schizophrainic, and i take pills for it to, you got a problem with it, just go the fuck away, My fathers dead you dumbass, why do you people always have to bring my dead family into this, it's not exactly mature of you, besides, it's not exactly the best feeling in the world

[kimosabe]

yeah i am schizophrainic, and i take pills for it to, you got a problem with it, just go the fuck away, My fathers dead you dumbass, why do you people always have to bring my dead family into this, it's not exactly mature of you, besides, it's not exactly the best feeling in the world
Atleast my father isn't dead phaggot.

[ArTkY_]

Atleast my father isn't dead phaggot.
That's low. :headshake

[xforestxwaitsx]

you should perform it live while juggeling chainsaws. on flames. with a stick of dynamite attached.

You first

I love this poem.. it's awesome

Thank you much!

That's low. :headshake

you took the words out of my mouth

sorry i haven't been posting, i've been preoccupied with stupid shit
Don't ask me to criticize cause i would either be plainly flat out mean, or just not say anything, i'm not to good at the whole thing without coming off like a shit head
oh and kimosabe ( if thats how you spell it) why don't you go fuck yourself, you just bother me

You're a far better person than me. I just tell him to shut the fuck up and leave it at that. He annoys the hell out of me personally, but what can you do?There will always be stupid assholes who wanna fuck things up for everybody else in the world. No prob about the posting bro, I understand. Stuff happens. Always state your mind, and I won't think any les of you for it. I actually perfer honesty to the stupid comments from some of these idiots.

[Pseudonym]

particuraly( ??) I didn't like it, I don't know exactly what it is, but it just didn't interest me, but there wasn't anything wrong ( spelling or thought wise.) It's just that I personally didn't like it very much.

[xforestxwaitsx]

ok, thanx. negative and positive feedback are supposed to be balaned. I knew when I posted it that there would people who liked it and people who wouldn't.

[Pseudonym]

ok but i'm not a 'bad guy ' am i ?

[xforestxwaitsx]

Nope, no that I can tell. You seem to be a fairly reasonable kid that is easier to talk to and I'm not going to bite your head off just because you didn't like something that I wrote. You were nice about what you said; therefore, i have no reason to be angry.