The Best Onion Headlines: Tu Stultus Es

[cantnokdahustle]

I fucking love The Onion; it's a great Daily Show supplemental:

Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule by Swimming with Shirt On


6 Year Old Stares Down Bottomless Abyss of Formal Schooling


"I would Make a Bad President" Obama says in Huge Campaign Blunder.

U.S. Launches AIDS-Awareness Campaign In Botswana: ‘You All Have AIDS,’ Says U.S.


Peregrine Falcon Acting Pretty Cocky Since Being Taken Off Endangered Species List

CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years


List your favorite headlines.

[OldJersey]

Hobbes is the fucking man.

[Ailite]

"Michael Phelps Returns To Tank At Seaworld"

"Study Shows That Children Develop Vital Staring Kills Watching TV"

"Bush Extremely Proud of New Suit"

[Throwback]

Christopher Reeve Still Handicapped in Heaven.

That one got me a detention in high school because I burst out laughed so hard in a study hall.

[cantnokdahustle]

Evangelical Scientists refute Gravity with New "Intelligent Falling" Theory

[needles & pins]

Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Escaped Caterpillar On Rampage Through City

26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

Brave Mountain Lion Fends Off Group Of Hikers

Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School

Hummingbird Back At Feeder Again, Grandmother Reports

Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns

Entire Refrigerator Rearranged To Accommodate Leftover KFC Bucket

Restaurant Patrons Entranced By Sizzling Order Of Fajitas

Victim Of Mall Shooting Determined Not To Die In Yankee Candle

Dept. Of Homeland Security: 'Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?'

[cantnokdahustle]

Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns
'

This, with the accompanying picture, is on my classroom door. It took my kids forever to get satire, but now they're pros.

[Throwback]

Evangelical Scientists refute Gravity with New "Intelligent Falling" Theory
Hahaha I remember seeing that one and telling my mom. She didn't find it funny.

[fedhed7]

I remember reading the Al Gore article at work and almost falling off my chair laughing.

[about3fitty]

Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Escaped Caterpillar On Rampage Through City

26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

Brave Mountain Lion Fends Off Group Of Hikers

Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School

Hummingbird Back At Feeder Again, Grandmother Reports

Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns

Entire Refrigerator Rearranged To Accommodate Leftover KFC Bucket

Restaurant Patrons Entranced By Sizzling Order Of Fajitas

Victim Of Mall Shooting Determined Not To Die In Yankee Candle

Dept. Of Homeland Security: 'Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?'


home movies!

[needles & pins]

home movies!

Yep! And I'm actually watching it right now haha.

[captainhampton]

bumping this thread to post the best Onion headlines:

Special Olympics T-Ball Stand pitches perfect game

Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8

[TheOtherAndrew]

After the 2007 World Series:
Colorado Rockies: "What The Fuck Just Happened?"