take me away

[chickmgnt478]

and i'll write to you for days
im hoping you'll write back
and i'll say im sorry
for the way you act

all this pain i hold inside
will one day come out
everything i feel for you
oh god please make this count

cause im tired of singing this song
but it helps me get along

please pick me up
im a mess, ive been down for days
hold my hand, and take me away

say it to my face
that you need me
its all i want to hear
to set me free

take a look at the picture
that says we were once in love
take a look at the mess weve made
and all that weve become

cause im tired of singing this song
but it helps me get along

please pick me up
im a mess, ive been down for days
hold my hand, and take me away
cause nothing ever felt so right
as when you were here
and now your miles apart
and its all i fear

just an old song i have. just wondering what people though of it

[chickmgnt478]

ill take good or bad comments, just let me know

[Troggy]

This is pretty bad, I really hope you wrote it a long time ago. Honestly, I could break it down verse by verse, and if that would gratify or help you, I can....but dude, seriously, not good.

One subtle note, if you removed the "i" from the last line, it would improve the ending, at least.

[WordsAndFears]

not bad, i like it. i think thats all i have to say on that.

[chickmgnt478]

thanks for the comments guys. It is from about a year or so ago. the first part im not completely happy with, but ya either way thanks