headless snowman

[ambitions]

you were mine for a day
had your heart in my hand for a day
my history watching me like snow angels
snow melts so quickly in new york
will it come down again tomorrow?

nobody will ever know
nobody will ever know how i feel on the inside
snowbound in my own mind
locked inside all i can do is look out the window

what's the sense in this?
snow will fall like hail
i will fall onto you like hail
never again

[Troggy]

you were mine for a day
had your heart in my hand for a day
my history watching me like snow angels
snow melts so quickly in new york
will it come down again tomorrow?

nobody will ever know
nobody will ever know how i feel on the inside
snowbound in my own mind
locked inside all i can do is look out the window

what's the sense in this?
snow will fall like hail
i will fall onto you like hail
never again

Winter can be used in so many ways in poetry, but you just mashed it in here to cover up a piece that is just like a lot of stuff on here. Overtly explaining exactly what the writer was feeling and doing, boring the reader with cliches and generalizations, etc. If you want to incorporate snow/winter, let that do some of the work for you. And for goodness sake, don't make similies using snow and hail, which are almost the same thing in the first place. The fact is, if you want to write about something sappy and overdone, you have to put some effort into it.