Can i get some constructive criticism on a verse?

[Demasiado Drama]

I just started working on a song, and so far, i like it- but i would definitely appreciate any help. I want these lyrics to be perfect when i'm done, so if theres anything you don't like, let me know. Thanks!

I've got your picture on my wall
And a riot in my head
I've got ten fingers altogether
One for every broken rule, you said

you said i have a disturbing lack of faith
And too many burst pigments outside
You say "Love is fake"
We sing "Hate is blind"

[fishingthe_sky]

For 16, these are pretty impressive. It's pretty bare-bones, but that definitely helps you.

The first two lines are pretty hackneyed. The sixth line doesn't make sense, either in context or by itself. "Burst pigments" of what? You need to indicate the vehicle of your metaphor. The last two statements are also hackneyed, but depending on how you finish out the song, it might be excusable.

Keep at it.

[Troggy]

While there are some decent tidbits, this doesn't make sense as a piece yet. Take the first line, it doesn't fit at all with the next three. The person in the picture is not described or referenced later. There isn't any context to why a riot in your head would make any sense, and so on. I would say keep at it, you at least have a grasp on the english language, which most kids on here your age could really use. Before you submit something like this for comments, try to get the whole structure of the song/poem done so we know all the important ideas and information and can better critique your style/word choice/delivery/etc.