Funny "sex positions"

[Anthony Lutz]

You know how you hear about sex positions/things sexual in nature that are really funny that you kind of pass from friend to friend? For instance, "snowballing" from Clerks, or the "Dutch Rudder" from Zach and Miri? Here's one that my friend told me about the other day, it's called, "The Raccoon".

Basically what you do is while you're having sex with a girl from behind, you slap her in the face until you give her two black eyes, get up, leave, and on the way out of her driveway you knock over her trash cans.

[kwsqd]

You know how you hear about sex positions/things sexual in nature that are really funny that you kind of pass from friend to friend? For instance, "snowballing" from Clerks, or the "Dutch Rudder" from Zach and Miri? Here's one that my friend told me about the other day, it's called, "The Raccoon".

Basically what you do is while you're having sex with a girl from behind, you slap her in the face until you give her two black eyes, get up, leave, and on the way out of her driveway you knock over her trash cans.
Makes me think of renee

[acfrue]

hahahaha, the raccoon...clever....also the ice dragon, thats clever too.

[Anthony Lutz]

hahahaha, the raccoon...clever....also the ice dragon, thats clever too.

Ice dragon?

[acfrue]

Urban Dictionary's definition:

ice dragon

When a woman is going down on a man, right before he ejaculates he pushes down on the back of her head (or punches her in the back of the head) causing he to choke and cough thus shooting the semen out her nose. Like a dragon shooting flames or ice of it's nose. See, sticky dragon or white dragon

[robat19]

The Abe Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln:
Shave your pubes and hold them in your hand. Get your mate to give you a blowjob and when you cum on her face throw the trimmed curlies onto your semen soaked partners face and she will be left with a striking resemblance to Abraham Lincoln.

[thespearkid]

Mississippi bird bath: Filling your partners mouth with kool-aid and dipping your ball sack in and out.

[Heart-A-Tact]

Urban Dictionary's definition:

I always knew that as the white dragon. Huh.

[patpratt]

hahahahahahaha these are hilarious

[Smeee]

The Abe Lincoln

Quote:
Abraham Lincoln:
Shave your pubes and hold them in your hand. Get your mate to give you a blowjob and when you cum on her face throw the trimmed curlies onto your semen soaked partners face and she will be left with a striking resemblance to Abraham Lincoln.




What.the.actual.fuck?

edit: I've just seen Ice Dragon... words cannot explain how I feel.

[JustSway]

I always knew that as the white dragon. Huh.

Punch her in the nose and its a red dragon.

Anyway:

"The Pirate"
You cum in her eye then kick her hard as you can in the leg so she hops on one leg covering one eye like a patch. Hilarity ensues.

[thespearkid]

Strawberry Shortcake: While fucking a girl in the ass, pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you came. When she turns around, cum on her face and punch her in the nose and scream, "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, BITCH!" The blood mixes with the semen and it looks like strawberry sauce.

[Heart-A-Tact]

Punch her in the nose and its a red dragon.

Anyway:

"The Pirate"
You cum in her eye then kick her hard as you can in the leg so she hops on one leg covering one eye like a patch. Hilarity ensues.

Ah. Forgot about that part.

[Machu505]

Cincinnati Bowtie:This sexual gesture involves the male subject to be "titty fucking" the female subject backwards. The female's view now reveals the male's rear end and right below it, his scrotum in the shape of a bow-tie, right where a bow-tie would normally rest.

[.invisible ink.]

good luck ever getting laid again if you try any of these moves.

/downer

[Posthardcore]

Thread of the month! :lol:

[ohheroine]

ok, anyone heard of the rainbow kiss?

"When a guy gives head to a girl while she is having her period, and gets all the blood in his mouth. And a girl gives a guy head, and gets cum in her mouth.

Now when the guy/girl has blood/cum in their mouth, they kiss eachother."

[Posthardcore]

ok, anyone heard of the rainbow kiss?

"When a guy gives head to a girl while she is having her period, and gets all the blood in his mouth. And a girl gives a guy head, and gets cum in her mouth.

Now when the guy/girl has blood/cum in their mouth, they kiss eachother."
:tumbleweed:

[JustSway]

good luck ever getting laid again if you try any of these moves.

/downer

Good luck ever spotting a clear joke.

ok, anyone heard of the rainbow kiss?

"When a guy gives head to a girl while she is having her period, and gets all the blood in his mouth. And a girl gives a guy head, and gets cum in her mouth.

Now when the guy/girl has blood/cum in their mouth, they kiss eachother."

You killed the thread. Well done.

[intensified]

hahahaha, the raccoon...clever....also the ice dragon, thats clever too.

You would know, right?

[PlacesToGo]

any position with a red head.

[more heart]

here's one a friend told me a few years back

Angry Pirate: When a girl is blowing you and she is about to pull away, step on her foot and shoot it into her eye.

[Miss Heartcore]

good luck ever getting laid again if you try any of these moves.

/downer
hahahhahahha

slash

So true.

[Kassie09]

Some of these are gross, boys are nasty to even think of them even if they are a joke.

[4N6 science]

Some of these are gross, boys are nasty to even think of them even if they are a joke.

Yeah it's quite distasteful

[JustSway]

If you get offended by jokes on the interwebz then I suggest you tape up your windows and lock your doors, the big wide world's going to be a very scary place for you.

[Miss Heartcore]

If you get offended by jokes on the interwebz then I suggest you tape up your windows and lock your doors, the big wide world's going to be a very scary place for you.
I haven't seen you around too much but your sarcastic responses are amusing and entertaining.

[Kassie09]

Yeah it's quite distasteful

Hahaha, you love it, don't lie.

[JustSway]

I haven't seen you around too much but your sarcastic responses are amusing and entertaining.

Haha, thanks. I only joined about a month ago and so far this is the longest I've stuck around on any forum. I should be here long enough for you to witness me make an arse of myself more than enough at some point.

[samsara]

This thread makes me laugh.

[GetWellBoss]

good luck ever getting laid again if you try any of these moves.

/downer

lol. such a negative nancy. they can dream right?? hahahaha.

[AP_Punk]

Some of these are gross, boys are nasty to even think of them even if they are a joke.

amen, sister.

[bladerdude360]

my intramural volleyball team at school is named "The Dutch Rudders" all thanks to me. you aren't suppsoed to do inappropriate names, but i sneaked that one in there because nobody knows what it is haha.

if you don't know what a dutch rudder is, watch zach and miri make a porno immediately. great movie

[bladerdude360]

also, the cleveland steamer is a classic (disturbing as fuck, but still): "The cleveland steamer is far more specific than the listings I have seen here. A sexual act by nature (fetish) the cleveland steamer is when one person craps on another person's chest and (very important) then sits down and rocks back and forth like a steam roller."

[intensified]

also, the cleveland steamer is a classic (disturbing as fuck, but still): "The cleveland steamer is far more specific than the listings I have seen here. A sexual act by nature (fetish) the cleveland steamer is when one person craps on another person's chest and (very important) then sits down and rocks back and forth like a steam roller."

Why did you even post this?

[bladerdude360]

Why did you even post this?

hey i'm not saying i'm into that kind of shit, but it's out there. on the plus side, now you know to NEVER engage in a cleveland steamer. you're welcome

[AP_Punk]

anal.

[acfrue]

You would know, right?

maybe, maybe not

oh and excellent avatar

[intensified]

maybe, maybe not

oh and excellent avatar

Gracias.

You're a fan of The Mars Volta, I'm guessing?

[acfrue]

Gracias.

You're a fan of The Mars Volta, I'm guessing?

mmmmhhhhhmmmmm :nod:

[intensified]

mmmmhhhhhmmmmm :nod:

They're pretty much the shit.

[1Roth4]

this thread is fantastic

[1Roth4]

my intramural volleyball team at school is named "The Dutch Rudders" all thanks to me. you aren't suppsoed to do inappropriate names, but i sneaked that one in there because nobody knows what it is haha.

if you don't know what a dutch rudder is, watch zach and miri make a porno immediately. great movie

i have seen it, but refresh my memory

[thespearkid]

anal.
That's only a funny sex position in pl.

[kaycey]

i am a kamasutra master.

[lake of tears]

i am a kamasutra master.


hahahah Indian's are good at that

[acfrue]

i am a kamasutra master.

hahahah Indian's are good at that

enlighten us with the kamasutra!!!

[llwilliamsll]

The Charizard

During sex, light the girl's crotch on fire, then put it out with cum, then flap your arms wildly yelling "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN ME!"

x

sorry if it's a repost

[JustSway]

This thread had so much potential...

[fadedmemories]

Strawberry Shortcake: While fucking a girl in the ass, pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you came. When she turns around, cum on her face and punch her in the nose and scream, "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, BITCH!" The blood mixes with the semen and it looks like strawberry sauce.
:lol:

[Anthony Lutz]

The Charizard

During sex, light the girl's crotch on fire, then put it out with cum, then flap your arms wildly yelling "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN ME!"

x

sorry if it's a repost

That actually made me lol!

[jdark6]

This thread had so much potential...

Tell me about it! It started off so well...then...died :(

[Smeee]

The Charizard

During sex, light the girl's crotch on fire, then put it out with cum, then flap your arms wildly yelling "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN ME!"

x

sorry if it's a repost


Bahahahaha! Genius, actual genius. This definitely needs to be tried.

[MarsEatWorld]

The Charizard

During sex, light the girl's crotch on fire, then put it out with cum, then flap your arms wildly yelling "YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BADGES TO TRAIN ME!"

x

sorry if it's a repost
This reminds me of Kevin a little too much.

[thespearkid]

Some of these are gross, boys are nasty to even think of them even if they are a joke.
There are worse jokes we could be making. :shrug:

[bladerdude360]

i have seen it, but refresh my memory

ok, it's at the end of the movie when zach goes back to tell miri how he feels and lester is naked in the apartment. zach thinks they are together, but lester says that even though he's tried to hook up with her, she won't, and she won't even give him a dutch rudder. "When a man masturbates, and another person grabs his arm and makes him do the motion. It's sort of like a cross between masturbation and a handjob. He is still holding on, but the other person is still moving your arm."

And according to Lester, two guys can do it and it's not gay because you're not actually touching anything haha

[LoveHateHolly]

ok, anyone heard of the rainbow kiss?

"When a guy gives head to a girl while she is having her period, and gets all the blood in his mouth. And a girl gives a guy head, and gets cum in her mouth.

Now when the guy/girl has blood/cum in their mouth, they kiss eachother."
How the hell does that make a rainbow?:unsure:

[andrew4045]

Strawberry Shortcake: While fucking a girl in the ass, pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you came. When she turns around, cum on her face and punch her in the nose and scream, "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, BITCH!" The blood mixes with the semen and it looks like strawberry sauce.

That is a mixture of the Houdini and Jelly Donut

[andrew4045]

man i read through this and A LOT is missing.

Toboggan - While having anal punch the female in the back of the head knocking her out, drag her to the nearest flight of stairs and ride her down while still inside.

Houdini - Hit it from behind, pull out early spit on her back then when she turns around, a surprise magic trick

Jelly Donut - after blowing a load in her face, punch her in the nose so the blood mixes with your load

Rodeo - While doing it doggy style whisper i have aids and hold on for dear life

Dolphin - When you attempt to enter the anus doggy style and she reels herhead back with a dolphin like "en en"

just a few

[kaycey]

man i read through this and A LOT is missing.

Toboggan - While having anal punch the female in the back of the head knocking her out, drag her to the nearest flight of stairs and ride her down while still inside.

Houdini - Hit it from behind, pull out early spit on her back then when she turns around, a surprise magic trick

Jelly Donut - after blowing a load in her face, punch her in the nose so the blood mixes with your load

Rodeo - While doing it doggy style whisper i have aids and hold on for dear life

Dolphin - When you attempt to enter the anus doggy style and she reels herhead back with a dolphin like "en en"

just a few
post some more.

[the thread]

rusty trombone.

and a few years ago, wikipedia had the best entry for a cleveland steamer. it was an absolute classic.

[MarsEatWorld]

man i read through this and A LOT is missing.

Toboggan - While having anal punch the female in the back of the head knocking her out, drag her to the nearest flight of stairs and ride her down while still inside.

Houdini - Hit it from behind, pull out early spit on her back then when she turns around, a surprise magic trick

Jelly Donut - after blowing a load in her face, punch her in the nose so the blood mixes with your load

Rodeo - While doing it doggy style whisper i have aids and hold on for dear life

Dolphin - When you attempt to enter the anus doggy style and she reels herhead back with a dolphin like "en en"

just a few
hahahhahhaahahaha

[ifithurtsyou]

so wrong. hahaha.

i know one. Donkey punch.

i wont explain it..ew.

[remedyeli]

Years ago, there was a local band here called "Glass Bottom Boat". I never knew what it meant until I decided to look it up on urban dictionary last night.

[andrew4045]

post some more.

blumpkin - getting head while taking a shit

blumpkin el nino - same as blumpkin only your shit causes the toilet water to splash in her face

rusty fish hook - sticking your finger up someones ass then engage in anal use the finger to hook them in the corner of the mouth

rusty trombone - simultaneously getting a hand job and your ass eaten

tahitian mudslide - getting a hand job with diarrhea for lube

home run - after having sex cut off the arm of your partner and beat them to death

i'm getting writers block it has been a few years since high school haha

[bladerdude360]

blumpkin - getting head while taking a shit

blumpkin el nino - same as blumpkin only your shit causes the toilet water to splash in her face

rusty fish hook - sticking your finger up someones ass then engage in anal use the finger to hook them in the corner of the mouth

rusty trombone - simultaneously getting a hand job and your ass eaten

tahitian mudslide - getting a hand job with diarrhea for lube

home run - after having sex cut off the arm of your partner and beat them to death

i'm getting writers block it has been a few years since high school haha

i am both impressed and horrified...congratulations

[fadedmemories]

blumpkin - getting head while taking a shit

blumpkin el nino - same as blumpkin only your shit causes the toilet water to splash in her face

rusty fish hook - sticking your finger up someones ass then engage in anal use the finger to hook them in the corner of the mouth

rusty trombone - simultaneously getting a hand job and your ass eaten

tahitian mudslide - getting a hand job with diarrhea for lube

home run - after having sex cut off the arm of your partner and beat them to death

i'm getting writers block it has been a few years since high school haha
/thread

[Anthony Lutz]

blumpkin - getting head while taking a shit

blumpkin el nino - same as blumpkin only your shit causes the toilet water to splash in her face

rusty fish hook - sticking your finger up someones ass then engage in anal use the finger to hook them in the corner of the mouth

rusty trombone - simultaneously getting a hand job and your ass eaten

tahitian mudslide - getting a hand job with diarrhea for lube

home run - after having sex cut off the arm of your partner and beat them to death

i'm getting writers block it has been a few years since high school haha

Haha, the blumpkin...

[DaveZeroZero]

The Flying Camel:


9. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and
you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself
without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap your arms and
let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.

[kemichels]

This reminds me of Kevin a little too much.


oh hai guyz, fuck cummin on my gfs face anymore, I'm trying this shit!

[BigAl]

Docking and Frotting.

Wikipedia that.