Asphyxiation

[Pseudonym]

Asphyxiation
So i thought of the words to describe the way, everything i feel , and everything you say. So I am suffocating on this bold feeling of psychological confusion where I Asphyxiate on the thought of emptiness and yet, completeness, this antibiotic for a mind who scarcely exists in my hands, and yet still I cannot think entirely, and the strangling wire of insanity is intertwined about my neck. And I am there, but barely in mind, where I criss-cross the ways of the retinal oceans in my mind. And I cannot describe the way it goes and the way I show anything. So trapped underneath my skin tingling with this feeling of melodic space in between these veins where the blood flows red and dark, as if to show my mind trapped inside being beaten black red and blue, silencing my mouth, but releasing my hand..
So tripintly transcending in between the findings of my own where I myself can not even comprehend. And that is where I'm left, hearing the wind hit the rocks in my mind, Asphyxiating on my own thoughts until I suffocate, an this trippant feeling of complete emptiness. And that's where I am. Left strangled on the floor
in an empty room
on the blank reality
of the cathedrelic mind of mine
I hate it, but it is and addiction
It is me...

[hopeinlies34]

Hey...good effort I'd say...but it seems so cluttered to me. I know everyone's got a style that they're trying, but maybe you could get your point across with less words? With that said, I like your cadence, I can feel exactly how you want it read aloud when I read it.

P.S. is Cathedrelic a word? lol if it is, then well done for putting it in a poem!

[IAmCountryMusic]

P.S. is Cathedrelic a word? lol if it is, then well done for putting it in a poem!
its actually spelled "Cathedralic" and it means a cathedral

[hopeinlies34]

Well...to be technical it wouldn't "mean a cathedral," but it would mean having similar qualities to that of a cathedral.

[IAmCountryMusic]

youre welcome

[A picasso blue]

i love your imagery and vocabulary but i dunno..it doesn't seem to piece together for me. maybe its cause it seems like of cluttered. try to space it out on more lines, maybe?

[ArTkY_]

How can you have a suicidal pen name?

[IAmCountryMusic]

green day is my favorite screamo band

[sunpoison]

Ha ha ha...ha?

By the way, what is your suicidal pseudonym? Or is "pseudonym" just another pseudo-intelligent word? You seem fond of those.

[punkpixie]

Asphyxiation
So i thought of the words to describe the way, everything i feel , and everything you say. So I am suffocating on this bold feeling of psychological confusion where I Asphyxiate on the thought of emptiness and yet, completeness, this antibiotic for a mind who scarcely exists in my hands, and yet still I cannot think entirely, and the strangling wire of insanity is intertwined about my neck. And I am there, but barely in mind, where I criss-cross the ways of the retinal oceans in my mind. And I cannot describe the way it goes and the way I show anything. So trapped underneath my skin tingling with this feeling of melodic space in between these veins where the blood flows red and dark, as if to show my mind trapped inside being beaten black red and blue, silencing my mouth, but releasing my hand..
So tripintly transcending in between the findings of my own where I myself can not even comprehend. And that is where I'm left, hearing the wind hit the rocks in my mind, Asphyxiating on my own thoughts until I suffocate, an this trippant feeling of complete emptiness. And that's where I am. Left strangled on the floor
in an empty room
on the blank reality
of the cathedrelic mind of mine
I hate it, but it is and addiction
It is me...

Stop using too many words.

And also, stop using words which you don't know the meanings of.