Sunshine

[mercutio7]

She said,
“You can’t snort sunshine, sunshine.
It gets caught behind your eyes.
You run so fast at night-
your spine gets left behind.”


Well let’s split up these lines
and try and climb the horizon-
arm ourselves to the teeth with
ideologues and treason!

There must be a reason why we spin like this-
Why we exist like a cyst in the stomach of sin.

She said,
“You’ll never get as high as you’d like, because a drug is just a kite and
kites come down. Are you ready? Are you ready for that come-down?
Come down my baby boy, come down.”

Well now I propose a toast to all the mother-fuckers who lit
the flame to watch us roast- and it goes,
“Four score and seven screams ago,
I put a .357 to my head and blew my
ego out the window.
It was bible-black and it arched its back
like a cricket on the fourth of July.
And I realized then the world is not means,
but a dead-end in the universe’s head.
We’re just floating like madmen!”



So let’s just let go, and see where we go.
Let’s just let go, and go.

[xidreamofyou32x]

there's something about this that I really like

[lew_1987]

I liked it all apart from:

Well now I propose a toast to all the mother-fuckers who lit
the flame to watch us roast- and it goes,
“Four score and seven screams ago,
I put a .357 to my head and blew my
ego out the window.

I thought that bit was a bit cringeworthy. It was still great overall, as always. Upload a new fucking song to your Myspace!

[bootsydan]

I too liked this quite a bit.

I only have two qualms about it:

1) It's about drugs - and to me no matter how good the writing is, drugs has been written about that many times by that many people (not just in poetry/lyrics either) that I think its really difficult to bring anything new to the table. I also find that only drug users have sympathy for drug users - which means that there's quite a lot of people out there who will probably just read this and go "Who cares?". Or at least thats how I felt after reading it.

2) I agree with Lew, in that these lines were the weakest:

Well now I propose a toast to all the mother-fuckers who lit
the flame to watch us roast- and it goes,
“Four score and seven screams ago,

I also am not very fond of the line:

We’re just floating like madmen!”

But I guess it depends on the music to whether such a definitive line like that will work.

In saying that though - this was really well written.

[lew_1987]

^^^ I kind of agree there with point number 1. It does put me off initially too.

[mercutio7]

haha Note: This isn't meant to come across as defensive- I love criticism and discussion in general.
I agree with some of your critiques- but the comment on the drugs is way off.
How can you say that nothing new can be brought to the table?
Just because two painters use a similar color, doesn't mean it will project a similar meaning- you know what I mean? I personally enjoy drugs; and while I totally respect the fact that some people will get turned off by the references- its part of my life; so should I deny writing about a powerful stimulus because other people have written about it too? I think its the same as writing about any other subject- how many songs do you hear about failed relationships? Drugs are just another part of the infinitely-faceted experience of humans and animals.

[lew_1987]

I wasn't really agreeing with that part, I was just saying that it kind of put me off initially.

[bootsydan]

haha Note: This isn't meant to come across as defensive- I love criticism and discussion in general.
I agree with some of your critiques- but the comment on the drugs is way off.
How can you say that nothing new can be brought to the table?
Just because two painters use a similar color, doesn't mean it will project a similar meaning- you know what I mean? I personally enjoy drugs; and while I totally respect the fact that some people will get turned off by the references- its part of my life; so should I deny writing about a powerful stimulus because other people have written about it too? I think its the same as writing about any other subject- how many songs do you hear about failed relationships? Drugs are just another part of the infinitely-faceted experience of humans and animals.

By all means, write about it. But I'm not sure a whole poem should be devoted to the subject matter.

And I really honestly, truly believe that it is very difficult to bring anything new to the table on the subject matter of drugs. It doesn't matter if your shade of blue is different to another drug users shade of blue. We've already seen both shades.

Anyone who is properly educated, listens to music, watches films, reads books, watches the news on tv, reads essays at school, and/or has had any life experience (etc...) will already know all of the pros and cons of drugs, and will already know the way they make you feel and the things they make you think. Both good and bad. Even if they haven't tried it - they will more or less have an understanding of the experience. And you might say 'No, they don't understand'. Which could be true. But I doubt you writing a poem about the feeling they haven't experienced is going to make them go 'Oh wow, I didn't know that. Now I understand.'

So sure. It probably is still possible to bring something new to the table on drugs. But you'd have to have such an original angle. And I can't remember the last time I saw that.

how many songs do you hear about failed relationships?

As I said. The only people who have sympathy for drug users are other drug users. And close family/friends.

Almost everyone in this world has had a failed relationship. So everyone can relate. That's why songs about relationships have been written successfully for a very long time. And don't get me wrong - there are so many terrible love songs out there it's not funny. But it is easier to write a good love song than a good drug song.

As Lew above said. He was initially turned off - because it was about drugs.

[TK]

I agree with Tim's(bootsydan) original comment.

[mercutio7]

First of all- who says I'm trying to educate anyone about anything? I honestly don't really care if a "properly educated" person has read about the effects of LSD or cocaine, or any other form of substance and felt they have properly assessed the "pros" and "cons"- this cannot possibly touch on the human experience.
The song is not about abusing drugs- its about WHY people feel a need to do so. Even certain forms of apes in various rain forests will antagonize a large millipede, ones that when provoked emit a poisonous mucous that contains cyanide (among various other things) with the intention of intoxication. They know it is harmful to their health- but for some reason, in a world that truly is 'survival of the fittest', choose to pursue psychological escapism. Thats what I'm getting at.
And I'm not trying to be rude man- I like criticism; but who are you to decide what a poem should be devoted to? You can offer suggestions in regards to the product, but don't speak like there's a crowd behind you when you're deciding if a 'meaning' of a poem (assuming that there is ANY poem that is not multi-faceted) is valid.

***addition*** I hope this didn't come across like I was pissed dude- I'm not at all. Just saying


By all means, write about it. But I'm not sure a whole poem should be devoted to the subject matter.

And I really honestly, truly believe that it is very difficult to bring anything new to the table on the subject matter of drugs. It doesn't matter if your shade of blue is different to another drug users shade of blue. We've already seen both shades.

Anyone who is properly educated, listens to music, watches films, reads books, watches the news on tv, reads essays at school, and/or has had any life experience (etc...) will already know all of the pros and cons of drugs, and will already know the way they make you feel and the things they make you think. Both good and bad. Even if they haven't tried it - they will more or less have an understanding of the experience. And you might say 'No, they don't understand'. Which could be true. But I doubt you writing a poem about the feeling they haven't experienced is going to make them go 'Oh wow, I didn't know that. Now I understand.'

So sure. It probably is still possible to bring something new to the table on drugs. But you'd have to have such an original angle. And I can't remember the last time I saw that.



As I said. The only people who have sympathy for drug users are other drug users. And close family/friends.

Almost everyone in this world has had a failed relationship. So everyone can relate. That's why songs about relationships have been written successfully for a very long time. And don't get me wrong - there are so many terrible love songs out there it's not funny. But it is easier to write a good love song than a good drug song.

As Lew above said. He was initially turned off - because it was about drugs.

[bootsydan]

Thats fine