View Full Version : The Other Woman
I went out of town on the 22nd, and I met this guy in the hostel I'm staying at, and we sorta kinda started seeing eachother (see also: spend time together and sleep together). Partly because of him, and partly because of the other awesome people I met here (but mostly because of him), I decided to extend my stay for another week, which means I'm not leaving the hostel until the fourth of Janurary.
I found out this evening that he has a girlfriend. He's stayed here for over a month now, and he claims he hasn't really seen her for like, six months. I didn't mean to get attached to him, because really, there was no way that this could've lasted for more than the two weeks I'm here, but I... got actually pretty damn hurt about this.
All tonight he's been trying to make me change my mind about ending things, and I kind of do, but ... I really don't want to be involved in his cheating. And I... really don't know what to do right now, especially given the week ahead of us where we'll pretty much be living together.
.... I realize I probably shouldn't post about this, but I really want to talk to someone about this, I don't know anyone in the city besides the other people in the hostel who I'd rather not talk to about it since they, you know, actually know him. =/
watch out for people trying to kill you.
.invisible ink.
12/28/08, 07:05 AM
it's a fling, just leave it at that. have a good time and then part ways. He doesn't sound like someone worthy of having a real relationship with, even though you probably can't see that at this time.
thespearkid
12/28/08, 10:01 AM
If being the other woman sucks half as much as being the other guy, I wouldn't suggest it, especially if you already have developed feelings for him.
4N6 science
12/28/08, 10:23 AM
Interesting read...the above advice is good.
sweetforever
12/28/08, 10:39 AM
X-)
fake empire
12/28/08, 10:40 AM
watch out for people trying to kill you.
nice
amysaurus
12/28/08, 11:18 AM
That really sucks. That's happened to me before... finding out you're the "other woman" when you've already fallen for him is such a shitty situation. Honestly though, don't believe anything he says about being over his girlfriend. He's just trying to have both of you without consequences, and that's not okay. The best thing to do is just bow out because it's really unfair to his girlfriend, especially if they still have a good relationship.
SonEric84
12/28/08, 11:33 AM
That really sucks. That's happened to me before... finding out you're the "other woman" when you've already fallen for him is such a shitty situation. Honestly though, don't believe anything he says about being over his girlfriend. He's just trying to have both of you without consequences, and that's not okay. The best thing to do is just bow out because it's really unfair to his girlfriend, especially if they still have a good relationship.
He's fucking around with someone else....how good can it be? Although I do agree, break it off, obviously he's a cheating pile of shit.
samsara
12/28/08, 11:40 AM
That sucks I would be really mad at a guy if they were cheating on another girl with me.
I hate being the other girl.
SonEric84
12/28/08, 11:44 AM
Why didn't you just ask if he was seeing someone before "getting involved"? (Doesn't sound like you did from the way you wrote that..)
MarsEatWorld
12/28/08, 11:51 AM
been there..fucking SUCKS
.invisible ink.
12/28/08, 11:52 AM
Why didn't you just ask if he was seeing someone before "getting involved"? (Doesn't sound like you did from the way you wrote that..)
even if she asked, it doesn't mean he'd be totally honest about the situation if he was trying to get with her. I've been there and will agree that being the "other woman" does suck.
Louise Heng
12/28/08, 11:59 AM
i agree with whoever said it was just a fling. he probably never took it seriously from the start and now that you are threatening to "break up" with him he is worried his reliable source for sex is going and doesn't want it to. he is probably the kind of guy that will just find another girl after you leave and pull the same shit. you should take it as it is, a fun time with a guy you get along with, and then when you leave... you leave.
Why didn't you just ask if he was seeing someone before "getting involved"? (Doesn't sound like you did from the way you wrote that..)
I really should've, especially since he asked me if I had "left anyone behind at home" when we first met, and I had been meaning to when he was texting all the time, but I ... didn't really want to. I realize that that was fairly shitty of me in the first place, but he'd been here for a month and I had managed to convince myself that he probably wasn't seeing anyone.
he is probably the kind of guy that will just find another girl after you leave and pull the same shit.
I'm... not really sure. How it actually came up was I asked "So, how many girls have you fucked in this hostel?" and his response was "one, just you. I stopped whoring around seven years ago. But I have a girlfriend which kind of makes me feel like a whore."
.... He was rather drunk (he'd drank pretty much a 20 of vodka by himself last night) which would explain the ineloquence of his statement, but I don't think he was lying.
Kassie09
12/28/08, 12:04 PM
I wouldn't really care if I was enabling his cheating,if she's dumb enough to not find out, sucks for her.
Louise Heng
12/28/08, 12:13 PM
I'm... not really sure. How it actually came up was I asked "So, how many girls have you fucked in this hostel?" and his response was "one, just you. I stopped whoring around seven years ago. But I have a girlfriend which kind of makes me feel like a whore."
.... He was rather drunk (he'd drank pretty much a 20 of vodka by himself last night) which would explain the ineloquence of his statement, but I don't think he was lying.
whether he was lying or not shouldn't really matter. do you honestly see yourself in a relationship with a guy you met while staying in a hostel, which is itself a little "bubble world" meaning not like REAL life, after you leave?
to me, your "relationship" with this guy seems like a vacation fling. either you continue on having fun or, if it is really bothering you being the "other woman, end it and go out and meet more people or hang out with the other people you met and enjoy the rest of your time in wherever you are.
do you honestly see yourself in a relationship with a guy you met while staying in a hostel, which is itself a little "bubble world" meaning not like REAL life, after you leave?
Oh god no. I never saw this as lasting more than our stay here, a) because he lives two provinces away, and b) because I don't do actual relationships in the first place. I was just trying to defend him for God knows what reason.
Louise Heng
12/28/08, 12:21 PM
Oh god no. I never saw this as lasting more than our stay here, a) because he lives two provinces away, and b) because I don't do actual relationships in the first place. I was just trying to defend him for God knows what reason.
what hostel are you staying at right now?
if you feel that way, just take whatever is coming at you as it is and have fun! you're on vacation! do stupid things, take lots of pictures, make memories and in a couple of months this'll be the trip that you tell your friends about the funny guy you met in a hostel and you had such a great time!
and sorry if i sounded a little harsh when i said that stuff about vacation bubble worlds... i should be the last to speak since my current boyfriend who i've been dating for 1.5 yrs was a one night stand who i met while houseboating in the Shuswaps ;)
what hostel are you staying at right now?
if you feel that way, just take whatever is coming at you as it is and have fun! you're on vacation! do stupid things, take lots of pictures, make memories and in a couple of months this'll be the trip that you tell your friends about the funny guy you met in a hostel and you had such a great time!
and sorry if i sounded a little harsh when i said that stuff about vacation bubble worlds... i should be the last to speak since my current boyfriend who i've been dating for 1.5 yrs was a one night stand who i met while houseboating in the Shuswaps ;)
I just realized that you're in Calgary! Wow, fancy that. I'm at the HI Calgary City Centre.
And thanks. =)
Louise Heng
12/28/08, 12:31 PM
I just realized that you're in Calgary! Wow, fancy that. I'm at the HI Calgary City Centre.
And thanks. =)
isnt that hostel in a pretty sketchy area of downtown?? haha... why calgary? at least you are pretty central, there's actually stuff to do downtown...
isnt that hostel in a pretty sketchy area of downtown?? haha... why calgary? at least you are pretty central, there's actually stuff to do downtown...
Ahah, not sure how sketchy it is compared to the rest of downtown since I haven't actually gone anywhere that's not in walking distance, but it seems that way. Right by the Olympic Plaza?
As for why Calgary... Well, it's better than Regina by far, and I wanted to get out of the city for Christmas break. My original plan was California with my boyfriend-at-the-time, and then New York, and then I didn't have enough money for either trip so I decided Calgary would suffice.
amysaurus
12/28/08, 01:24 PM
He's fucking around with someone else....how good can it be? Although I do agree, break it off, obviously he's a cheating pile of shit.
Ah well I meant if the girlfriend thought it was still a good relationship. Either way though, it's not a good idea.
I wouldn't really care if I was enabling his cheating,if she's dumb enough to not find out, sucks for her.
Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this, I was trying to find a way to organize my thoughts. I really don't think it's a matter of her being "dumb enough to not find out." She lives in a completely different province than he is right now, I'm about 90% certain he texts her all the time (which is a big thing when it comes to having your lover in a different city. If they stop communicating, or only do during the day and never during the evening, then you start getting suspicious, but not if they're in contact with you all the time. My boss says she knew that her boyfriend wasn't cheating on her when his band was on tour in Europe because he'd call her every night, and she assumes my ex-boyfriend wasn't cheating on me because he'd hang around the bar where I work most evenings waiting for me to get off).
And even if it was completely obvious and she wouldn't find out, I, personally, would not want my boyfriend fucking random girls while he's living in a city other than my own.
fadedmemories
12/28/08, 03:33 PM
Kill his other girlfriend.
thespearkid
12/28/08, 04:27 PM
Kill his other girlfriend.
This. It makes perfect sense.
thespearkid
12/28/08, 04:28 PM
Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this, I was trying to find a way to organize my thoughts. I really don't think it's a matter of her being "dumb enough to not find out." She lives in a completely different province than he is right now, I'm about 90% certain he texts her all the time (which is a big thing when it comes to having your lover in a different city. If they stop communicating, or only do during the day and never during the evening, then you start getting suspicious, but not if they're in contact with you all the time. My boss says she knew that her boyfriend wasn't cheating on her when his band was on tour in Europe because he'd call her every night, and she assumes my ex-boyfriend wasn't cheating on me because he'd hang around the bar where I work most evenings waiting for me to get off).
And even if it was completely obvious and she wouldn't find out, I, personally, would not want my boyfriend fucking random girls while he's living in a city other than my own.
This post is too long; therefore, I did not read.
fadedmemories
12/28/08, 04:31 PM
This. It makes perfect sense.
:bow:
more heart
12/28/08, 04:34 PM
this sounds like a case for Joey Greco
thesafeword
12/28/08, 06:45 PM
Threesome.
jkaminallen
12/28/08, 06:50 PM
Been the other guy. Fucking ruled for awhile, fucking sucked for a little bit. I got over it though.
vBulletin v3.6.0, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.