Lyrics

[onewheeledrider]

Can I get some input. This is the first stuff i've written so just wanted someone's two cent on it.

Pull Yourself Together

You better pull yourself together,
Cause you can't last like this forever,
Its already getting the best of you,
Its time you figure out what you wanna do.
You can continue being a bum and pissing all you have away,
Or you can leverage your humor and brighten someone else's day.


We used to do everything together,
But we've gone our ways and it seems like we're together never,
Emotionless you no longer carry the charisma you once possessed
There's a bigger issue at heart, its time for you to confess,
Everyone's worried and doesn't know what to do,
Hoping you'll shape up cause there's no life number two.

Ever since you entered this phase,
Your brain's turned off and you're in a daze.
You're not a cat, you don't have nine lives,
i dunno when this is something you'll realize
But damn i hope this day comes soon,
before this life you had becomes a ruin.

thanks.

[.invisible ink.]

it reminds me of Hinder or Creed.

oh yeah and there's a forum for this sort of thing: http://www.absolutepunk.net/forumdisplay.php?f=34

[wroteurname]

You're trying way too hard to make everthing rhyme, and anyone singing it will sound like a retard. And it's in the wrong forum so I hope this gets locked before people turn this into some shitty chat thread.

[thespearkid]

There's no structure, nothing interesting is going on, and you're using way too many cliches.

[4N6 science]

gosh...don't start this.

[kaycey]

+1



/thread

[thesafeword]

Can I get some input. This is the first stuff i've written so just wanted someone's two cent on it.

Pull Yourself Together

You better pull yourself together,
Cause you can't last like this forever,
Good first two lines, nice rhyme.

Its already getting the best of you,
Its time you figure out what you wanna do.
I like the 'wanna' instead of 'want to', it makes it catchier and cooler.

You can continue being a bum and pissing all you have away,
Or you can leverage your humor and brighten someone else's day.
These lines are pretty deep.

We used to do everything together,
But we've gone our ways and it seems like we're together never,
Think of a better rhyme.

Emotionless you no longer carry the charisma you once possessed
There's a bigger issue at heart, its time for you to confess,
Again, think of a better rhyme.

Everyone's worried and doesn't know what to do,
Hoping you'll shape up cause there's no life number two.
This doesn't flow very well, but some palm muting behind should sound good.

Ever since you entered this phase,
Your brain's turned off and you're in a daze.
Good rhyme.

You're not a cat, you don't have nine lives,
i dunno when this is something you'll realize
Same thing as 'wanna', only with 'dunno' and 'don't know'. I like it.

But damn i hope this day comes soon,
before this life you had becomes a ruin.
A nice little touch of edginess with the use of the word 'damn'. Good way to end a song.

thanks.
No, thank you.