The Passive Ocean

[kolby182]

So this is about my best buddddddds ex girlfriend who I have hated since she dumped on his heart the first time. They got back together for like 2 months and ended it again. She's a bi-polar, boy crazy, im super fucking free spirited and i know everything even though I am only 20 years old and i hate anyone under the age of 25 because they don't know what i know type girl. Ok, so you can tell i dispise her.

to hear:
www.myspace.com/cutewhenyou

from the top of your head
to what flows below
you're a wave of indecision and
I'm the anchor around your throat.

No you're not a snowflake
and you're not so unique
you're as typical as the sun
rising in the east.

make up your minds
and swallow the sea
or just dive in the deep
and get caught underneath

your independence can't help you
can't make you breathe
and see where is gets you
when all your friend's leave

you will blame it on them
they can't handle who you are
but they can handle eachother
wave as you sink, waving hard.

simmer and salt your lungs
let the coral burn your skin
sink to the very bottom
and let your afterlife begin.

I'll be the captain
of the boat that just passes
Let one tear drop
while the crew laughs in masses

And I'll be the crew on this
ship made for two
Tears from laughter
as the ocean swallowed you.

[ThisIsSuchAPity]

I spy a Fight Club reference.

[kolby182]

haha buuuuuuuuusssssssssted. I've always loved that line. I shoulda went with "you're not your fucking khaki's"

[ThisIsSuchAPity]

haha buuuuuuuuusssssssssted. I've always loved that line. I shoulda went with "you're not your fucking khaki's"

Definitely one of my favorite lines from that movie. It was on A&E two hours ago.

[cris545]

So this is about my best buddddddds ex girlfriend who I have hated since she dumped on his heart the first time. They got back together for like 2 months and ended it again. She's a bi-polar, boy crazy, im super fucking free spirited and i know everything even though I am only 20 years old and i hate anyone under the age of 25 because they don't know what i know type girl. Ok, so you can tell i dispise her.

to hear:
www.myspace.com/cutewhenyou (http://www.myspace.com/cutewhenyou)

from the top of your head
to what flows below
you're a wave of indecision and
I'm the anchor around your throat.

No you're not a snowflake
and you're not so unique
you're as typical as the sun
rising in the east.

make up your minds
and swallow the sea
or just dive in the deep
and get caught underneath

your independence can't help you
can't make you breathe
and see where is gets you
when all your friend's leave

you will blame it on them
they can't handle who you are
but they can handle eachother
wave as you sink, waving hard.

simmer and salt your lungs
let the coral burn your skin
sink to the very bottom
and let your afterlife begin.

I'll be the captain
of the boat that just passes
Let one tear drop
while the crew laughs in masses

And I'll be the crew on this
ship made for two
Tears from laughter
as the ocean swallowed you.
The bolded parts are the only ones I liked, personally.

I must say musically I didn't like your song at all, not because of your vocals or lack of a good recording, but because it lacked any sort of creativity or originality. I get the impression you're settling on mediocrity by saying good lyrics make a good song, but you might as well just take the microphone and read them instead.

Lyrically, it was a good attempt at the beginning, but it's not a strong song by any means. The imagery of boats and sinking has been used way too much, so if you're going to use it it needs to be done well. My suggestion, take it as you will, is to forget Jesse Lacey and write like yourself, this reads too much like you're trying to write another Play Crack The Sky and it didn't work.

[kolby182]

thanks for the opinions. settling on mediocrity is what im best at ;-)