Winter Bonfire

[yournewhaircut]

The cloud of smoke blinds us as we stand on the beach around that brotherly bonfire, he just lives down the hall, it is no big deal. He speaks, his arm around your shoulder and smokes his cigarette while he holds onto his collar, girl. I see you from across the embers as you walk away from him. He passes you the bong and your refusal is captured in that photograph, your eyes all glowing like the moon, and that camera, it got me too. All staring at the sea, the emptiness of longing appears before my sad little eyes. That winter night was so cold and the flames couldn't keep it alive. The smoke is getting heavy, the flame is going out. You're eclipsed, looking so blurry in those rising plumes of doubt. A little heavy breathing never hurt me before, but when he speaks of his hatred, I am such a sucker for that dark past bullshit. His cigarette is burning and still hasn't gone out. Still missing the Springtime, I keep my eyes down.

[a speedo model]

I liked it, the flow and pace was done quite well. My only problem is that you use phrases that are common in every day speech but to me seem out of place in poetry. Ex: it is no big deal.

For some reason those stand out to be and break the flow...otherwise, solid piece.

[lew_1987]

I think the only bit that seemed out of place to me was, 'dark past bullshit'. Apart from that, it was quite good.

[GhostMachine]

I liked this...I agree with Lew about the "dark past bullshit"...but overall, I really liked this.