A Mouse

[Wheez]

A line
in the sand means
nothing when created by a
snake.

No one dares to
cross over and
take the posion.

I am the mouse
hiding in the bush,
eyeing his delicate jaw.

[Mark is God]

A shitty
poem

[ArTkY_]

Umm.. what the fuck is this?

[Mark is God]

Umm.. what the fuck is this?
See: my post.

[ShIbBY dUdE]

A shitty
poemneed any of us say more?

[Wheez]

Ouch guys...haha, rough crowd. What didn't you like about it?

[ArTkY_]

Everything.

[Wheez]

Yeah...great answer. That sure helps...

[ArTkY_]

None of it is good, I have no positives to say about it. So I said I hate everything.

[Wheez]

Haha, ok, should I add more wrist cutting to it? It doesn't have enough suicidal tones.

[ArTkY_]

lol, for God's sake no. Could you tell me where exactly you were trying to say in this poem?

[Wheez]

It's actually kind of a corny theme. The snake is the bully in your life. Everybody has one whether it be at school, or work, or even home. They control everything, and there's always a line you can go to without setting them off (i.e., the line in the sand).

And it's saying that I am the mouse. Staying for away from any trouble but "eyeing his delicate jaw", meaning watching and waiting to find his weakness.

[ArTkY_]

It's actually kind of a corny theme. The snake is the bully in your life. Everybody has one whether it be at school, or work, or even home. They control everything, and there's always a line you can go to without setting them off (i.e., the line in the sand).

And it's saying that I am the mouse. Staying for away from any trouble but "eyeing his delicate jaw", meaning watching and waiting to find his weakness.
Ah, I see. Well, it was a decent idea but I think you could have made something better from it.

[your revolution]

shiddee