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fortyparachutes
01/17/09, 11:42 AM
It's been a very long time since I posted any lyrics on here, but I just finished some and I'm looking for feedback. I'll post a video of the song on youtube in the next couple of days.
My channel is here: http://www.youtube.com/user/leicklike

This realize how emotional this song sounds, maybe even pathetic, but that's what I'm going for.
The lyrical flow's not immediately evident, but it works great with the accompaniment.

"Better"

v1:
It's just my luck
To wake up at the bottom
Of this slope again
A whipping post
For all who dare to hope
Is set up again
Whoa... rope me up again

v2:
So shout my name
Or just call me out
It's all the same
To allay these looming doubts
And though times are hard for dreamers
I still have to sleep

chorus:
Can I have you?
Can I make you mine?
'Cause the more that I wander
The more that I find
That I need you
To come change your mind
I'm gonna love you better than before

v3:
Honest, bold, and nieve
Everything I promise
Is just what I mean
But since when do the stones you skip
Try to kick their legs and swim
Back to your arms?

[chorus twice]

Maybe
It's just my luck
To wake up at the bottom
Of this slope again

eliselovesmusic
01/19/09, 01:19 AM
"Though times are hard for dreamers
I still have to sleep"

Great line dude.

fortyparachutes
01/20/09, 12:53 PM
I just put up a live acoustic version of this on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyGHC5teCvs

So twee.

eliselovesmusic
01/20/09, 02:56 PM
Hearing it with music is really great. You've got such a smooth voice with good pitch :)

Keep it up dude