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MUSICMUSICMUSIC
08/21/05, 10:10 PM
OK. This doesn't really rhyme, but yeah.

Oh no all of it is true
My world is crashing down, but not slow and easy its burning hard and fast
I was left here standing in a pile of ash
while I watched you walk away
I thought i might wish youd come back but I knew you didnt love me.
So it was easier to watch you walk away then to watch you be fake to me forever.
Would you be fake to me forever?
or did I imagine that empty look . . .
I only wish I had imagined it
but I can read you like an open book . . .

punkpixie
08/22/05, 01:15 PM
This is not very good.

VeloriumCamper
08/22/05, 01:26 PM
Not good. Keep trying though.

de la sympathie
08/30/05, 11:56 AM
Umm... ok. Kind of awkward and... just... not very well written. Try again.

ArTkY_
08/30/05, 05:26 PM
This isn't really good either.

You have a good idea, I say you just try to get more inspiration before you write. Because this is really lackluster.

Skyy
08/31/05, 08:09 AM
I don't really like it

KJ*33
09/01/05, 06:32 PM
Practice makes perfect.