Lost

[Skyy]

Lost broken torn apart,
last time I saw you, you broke my heart.
I'm broken cuz of you,
I wish you never knew,
for if you didn't my life would be sane,
no more suffering no more pain.
Will I get through this I don't know,
but I'm full of hurt and it's starting to show.

Okay remeber I'm 13 so be tough on be but remeber I'm 13 so I'm not great!!!
Tell me what you think!!!


oh yea i want to know what u think a.s.a.p. so private message me!!! Too

Someone Reply PLEASE!!! I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!!

[Skyy]

:madfire: You better like it

BEFORE

Before I become lost and before this get crazy,
Before I become confused and before my life goes hazy,
I need to tell you how I feel,
Before this becomes a really big deal.
I'm totally lost and completly confused.
I'm not really sure who I've used.
It's time to thanky, forgive, and forget,
But it's my fault not yours it's osmething I let.
But maybe... just maybe I can pull through this,
I wont forget these time but there not something I'll miss.
Maybe you could help me out,
Can you hear me everytime I shout?
I need you here by my side,
I need you to help my before I hide.
Please will you get me before this is real and believe me,
If you don't it will be a big deal.

[squee!!]

hi.

[ArTkY_]

Your rhyming sacrificed the poem. Well, the other one wasn't good either.

[Brianfarg]

Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day!

[Alex Djaferis]

if your 13, definately keep writing. i mean, right now, its not good, but thats me and i was in 3rd grade when you were born. :)

[punkpixie]

Well you are only 13 so you might grow into a good writer who's poems are less boring and self involved. I'm not holding my breath though.

[Skyy]

Fine W/e

Here is another and im sorry if i love and care for myself so much i love writing about me mi world revoles around me!!!

yes this one will suck but i actually have two more

The all around sound,
Far in the distance.
When I'm found,
I'll need assistence.
I scream and I cry,
but all I hear is me.
I'm starting to die,
why can't anyone see.
Slowly slipping down and down,
I can't breath I'm drowning now.
I see you but can you see me,
I can't reach you it's getting hard to see.
The oly way I can get out,
Is only if I shout and shout.
Now you see me and you pull me up,
I'm so thankful I can breath now.
I think I love you,
No I do I'm sure now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the darkness,
Thanks for all the help you gave.
I'm so happy I'm the one you saved.


here's the other one


A true friend doesn't ask you what they can eat,
They just dive into your fridge and know it's ok.
A true friend doesn't ask you how your feeling,
A true friend already knows.
True friends share family,
Therefore there grandparents are yours.
A true friend never ask to come over,
When you get home they're sitting on your couch watching t.v..
A true friend stands up for you even if its against there own friends.
True friends never get in fights.
True friends never drift apart,
Even if they havent seen eachother in a while right when they see eachother they start off just wher they left off.

[Vanity__Dearest]

ahh....multi color fonts are making me go blind.

and if the world revolves around you...could you please make hurrican katrina stop.

and stop writing poems while your at it.

[punkpixie]

A true friend doesn't ask you what they can eat,
They just dive into your fridge and know it's ok.
A true friend doesn't ask you how your feeling,
A true friend already knows.
True friends share family,
Therefore there grandparents are yours.
A true friend never ask to come over,
When you get home they're sitting on your couch watching t.v..
A true friend stands up for you even if its against there own friends.
True friends never get in fights.
True friends never drift apart,
Even if they havent seen eachother in a while right when they see eachother they start off just wher they left off.
Sounds like incest to me. Or a stalker. Possibly both.

Also; learn to spell.

[Skyy]

what's incest

actually the True friends my cousin wrote and she wanted me to put it on and see what ppl thought

[Vanity__Dearest]

it's what you and your brother do everynight ,when you explore each other's bodies.

[punkpixie]

what's incest

actually the True friends my cousin wrote and she wanted me to put it on and see what ppl thought
Oh brother.....




haha

[Skyy]

and vbmenu_register("postmenu_1698629", true); Vanity Dearest shut the fuck up i write what i want

Fuck You

[Vanity__Dearest]

and vbmenu_register("postmenu_1698629", true); Vanity Dearest shut the fuck up i write what i wantummm...get on a stepstool, and say that to me.

your writing is pure garbage ,and you have an attitude. go find your vagina.

[Skyy]

y'all don't have to be assholes about it either

[Vanity__Dearest]

no we don't ...but telling you your bad is constructive criticism....and it's not good...how much nicer could i put it...and you say "the world revolves around me"

permission to talk :denied.

[Skyy]

ummm...get on a stepstool, and say that to me.

your writing is pure garbage ,and you have an attitude. go find your vagina.
im sorry im usually nice but when someone is being a bitch i tend to be bitchy to SO GO FUCK URSELF

someone said i was self invold so i said yea the world does rovole (cant spell) around me i was being sarcastic!! k do u understand now

the critism doesnt bother me the being a bitch part does

[Vanity__Dearest]

go fuck myself...why are you being a little bitch now...i told you, that you don't write well, and if you can't take that easily now, your not going to be able to handle people telling you your writing sucks in five years.

[Skyy]

HELLO!!! did u not read what i said i said it doesnt bother me critsim but bitches do bother me and i get really pissed off when ppl r bitches

here r all the bitchy things you've said:

and stop writing poems while your at it.
it's what you and your brother do everynight ,when you explore each other's bodies.

and pretty much everything after that was bitchin

[Vanity__Dearest]

yeah, cuz i don't like you. your 13, and already have an attitude. get rid of it, and maybe i wouldn't mind you. but as of now, your acting your age, and that's really disappointing.

[Skyy]

what else am i suppose to act like im 13 am i suppose to act like i was 21

[Vanity__Dearest]

hahaha...no, but you dont have to prove that your 13, by getting all angry when someone tells you they don't enjoy your stuff.

[Skyy]

and im sorry but when ppl say stuff like about me and my brother thats just gross and not right and i think if someone said that to u and u were 13 u might flip out too

it's not about the poems its about other stuff u said i dont even care about writing poems i was just bored and put some in

:drummer: dooo d

:drummer: dooo dooo

:drummer: dooo dooo doo

[Vanity__Dearest]

all i'm saying is, pick up another hobby

[Skyy]

well u dont even give me a chance im just a cute lil child and ne way i play bass

okay how old r u umm maybe idk 18 and y the hell u talkin to a kid who dont no ne better y waste ur time

[Vanity__Dearest]

because i was trying to be helpful...and joking with you, apparently pissed you off...and how can you say your a cute little kid anyways?

[Skyy]

cuz of been told

i wanna no then what can i do to make miself better put it in 13 year old terms to or i wont understand

[Vanity__Dearest]

haha. alright, i'll be a nice guy, since you want to learn.

i'm 20 first off, and i started writing at 14, and looking bad, it was really bad.

the first thing i would do, is to not post if you dont want criticism...even the best writers aren't everyones favorite. some people just won't like your stuff.

and be more open to all types of music early. that's all i can really tell you.

[rocknrolleyes]

Ok, here are a few suggestions:

1) Poems don't HAVE to rhyme. It seems like you may be trying to force rhymes too much.

2) Try not to repeat the same exact word so many times. i.e.:
"Lost broken torn apart,
last time I saw you, you broke my heart.
I'm broken cuz of you"
Try using different words/images to get the message across.

3) Pay attention in English class...grammar really helps.

4) Use as much imagery as you can...i.e. describing a scene with your senses, "put a picture into your reader's mind"

5) Read poetry/prose by published writers.

6) Keep writing. The only way your style, content, etc will evolve is if you continue to write as you get older.

7) And always look outside yourself for things to write about. i.e. observe other people and their feelings, etc...it will give you a better perspective.

I hope I helped a little bit.

[OveriseFan]

what else am i suppose to act like im 13 am i suppose to act like i was 21I'm 13

No one on here ever believes me.

You CAN'T write, so go take some anti-depressants.

[Skyy]

okay dokey then

again Fuck You OveriseFan why do i have to keep telling this to people and i actually think i have a case of depression but thats not what i'm talking about

[OveriseFan]

okay dokey then

again Fuck You OveriseFan why do i have to keep telling this to people and i actually think i have a case of depression but thats not what i'm talking about
Grow up.

I'd say there are people with worse problems, but I've always hated that, because yours are PROBABLY bad(in your mind)

Stop saying "fuck you" to people.

Stop writing about suicide and stuff and start writing more personal stuff.

[Brianfarg]

I can't believe the thirteen-year-old population. If there are any mothers that should be slapped for giving birth, it's them.

[punkpixie]

okay dokey then

again Fuck You OveriseFan why do i have to keep telling this to people and i actually think i have a case of depression but thats not what i'm talking about
Believe me if you were really depressed you wouldn't find it so easy to talk about. In fact, you probably wouldn't know you had it at all. Clinical depression I mean.

[de la sympathie]

okay dokey then

again Fuck You OveriseFan why do i have to keep telling this to people and i actually think i have a case of depression but thats not what i'm talking about
depression isn't just something you can diagnose yourself with, like the flu.

seriously though, if you were trying to get a positive reaction out of people and it failed, then you have no right to bitch about it. you're the one who posted those in the first place.

also, quit acting so put-out. your poetry truly does suck, and people aren't afraid to confront you about it, so don't throw a tantrum. it really is horrible, it's not like we're lying to you. maybe writing just isn't your thing. however, that is no excuse for your atrocious spelling. you're thirteen, get with the fucking program.

like someone said earlier, not all poetry has to rhyme. it sounded like you were taking a dump just to keep the words flowing. quit trying so hard, maybe poetry just isn't your thing. just go with the flow.

another thing i didn't get: after people criticize you and you bitched at them, why did you post more? now that you can't get fucking angry about.

[OveriseFan]

I can't believe the thirteen-year-old population. If there are any mothers that should be slapped for giving birth, it's them.
Not all of it, but yes, 90% are idiots.

See her poetry and all her posts for examples.

[punkpixie]

hahahahaha... i didn't feel like reading the second half of the first poem and any poems after that, but i gotta say, the replies just made my night. punkpixie's sig only added to my amusement.

i think i'm gonna start posting this link to every aspiring poet out there, just for some motivation:
http://www.absolutepunk.net/showpost.php?p=1551037&postcount=14

thanks for the quick laugh
hahahaha. Good to know we entertained, if only for all the wrong reasons!

[Brianfarg]

Anyone remember Tylertherobot?

[rexosaur]

I don't really think age is a huge benefactor.. but your poetry needs work.
Mine does too :errrr:

[Brianfarg]

I'm 13

No one on here ever believes me.

You CAN'T write, so go take some anti-depressants.

Points for your for having to grow up with people like that then.

[Throwback]

Is it impossible for people to write poems without references to tears and drowning?

[Skyy]

Sorry everyone for all the pain or just laughter i've caused but i wasn't in a good mood those couple days or w/e but im fine now and ive always known my poetry sucks and well yea but i'm sooo bored right now and someone said i wrote about suicide thats the last thing from mi mind i think its just i miss like a lot of my old friends and thats just the only way i can say it idk but yea im sorry

[de la sympathie]

apologizing isn't going to help the fact that i had to read that. now all i want to do is gouge my eyes out with sporks.

[Skyy]

idc wat u have to say i love messing with people and it was fun to see the outcome of this crap

[Stereo Mike]

omg, your writing is so good. i want more!

[rocker_05]

dude, write, but do better than that 1983 shit

try something else

something better