Hi all, new here- Lyric feedback

[Clandestine™]

Heres a collection of lyrics I've written. Feedback/amendments/anything you'd like to add or think is appropriate is appreciated. Some of the songs are stil unfinished, so theres plenty og opportunity to give me suggestions on how to finish them or submit your own ideas.

Lyrics

Verse 1

Cold eyes stare into the place, you used to live

Where are all the people, you did so much to give

You always were a lover of words

Someday you’ll right back

Verse 2

Life to you is a bold adventure

-----------------------------------------------------
Verse 1
A hush sound is heard
In the empty gasping room
Your picture in the quietness
Starts to loom
Verse 2
You're only a mirror image from the inside
Not like candles, a speck on my computer
I don’t deserve to hear those tears
Any more than you deserve to hear me, so her me out

Verse 3

I want to know the story behind the shock in your eyes
Your promises are too hard to sell, too alone to keep.
If this weren’t my only hope for anything it would be over, over by now.

Bridge
The coin has been tossed, but its still spinning,
We can still hope it lands on the side we want
------------------------------------------------------
Verse 1
Too quiet to hear, in this desolate room
Run far, far from the cause.
Verse 2
I see a story coming in from the sea
I see a red light in the distance
I see your smile shining at my windows
And it’s all feeling closer, and closer.
-------------------------------------------------------
Verse 1
Leave me slumped across the pillow seat
This life just one deleted scene
Across the oceans, my vision unseen
(I don’t need this)

Chorus

I always see you appear, but you're never there

-------------------------------------------------------

Verse 1

The air con is the only thing letting me know I'm alive right now
Sick with pleasure, in circles till we're breathless
If I could make this, as good as you used to be
Thinking about it won't let me go.
(Not as good as you used to be) x2

Verse 2

Every dying day you whisper away
All the marks below
Come into this forward house
I've heard it all before
But this is all so new
The rhythm has no meaning anymore, anymore

Chorus

I'm not one for repeating myself,
So don't make a sound,
Don't make a sound
You’re fading out again

Bridge

Middle school called
They want their relationships back
Stop dragging feet
You can't go back

Midnight got me through her teeth

-------------------------------------------
Verse 1

Give me the final episode and I’ll be one of the deleted seen,
I know I know, I know we've met, in my dreams,
Transparent in the sea today,
Only you, I said I wrote to let me find your face

Verse 2

We hang our hopes on lines and tickets
With winter comes wisdom
Midnight got me through her teeth
Drive away that cause, that,
Caught us all that time

Chorus

And I’ll never hear you speak again
Once those times, lost, seem born again
I’ll still hold your bed up high

---------------------------------------------

Verse 1

I am why you bring me here

To these quarters you cannot find
I've come to the resting place of your mind

Chorus

I don't care if you're wrong your right
Just whatever makes you sleep at night
And I don't mind if you're the reason I'm dead inside
Just whatever makes you sleep at night

Bridge

If that's what you get
At least I'm getting even
You got the joke
You got the cigs we smoked

-------------------

Verse 1

It’s so hard to say I didn’t understand
Slipping back to brighter days

Chorus

Drink your hopes down
Go right down, down to the bottom
I’ll see you on the other side, waiting
I'm searching for something new
Forgotten left empty wounds

Verse 2

Do you recall that night?
And the promises that soon followed
Of next week, next month
Now last month, last year

Bridge

If home is where the heart is
Then the coffee house was right
Your latest warmth is in the empty cup

It's as if someone’s raised the price of dying
To maximum capacity



--------------------------------------------

Chorus

Trying to walk away
And I never, never, never
Think this love will fade
Cause I miss your face
And I need you now
In my life

--------------------------------------------------

Verse 1

If I could just put your voice to a picture
I would feel a thousand words
And with my last gasping breath
I would thank you

Verse 2

I've been dreaming of you
Since the day our seemingly
Meaningless, fleeting conversation
Took place, so just let go.

Let it go and burn out bright
And as we both say goodnight
Just remember, and I’ll be there


Through the empty wine and the cheap liquor
I found my place
Collapsed on the bedroom floor

Where I found your face
You evolved into something I couldn’t have

----------------------------------------------

Thanks,
Charles

[lfdfforever]

it's hard to follow and the flow is a little uneasy at times

[Clandestine™]

it's hard to follow and the flow is a little uneasy at times

Thanks for your feedback.

I understand where you're coming from, I try and stick to one idea and expand on that but I seem to get what they call "writers block" and what I end up writing usually is poor trying to force lyrics out of a particular subject.

[lfdfforever]

Thanks for your feedback.

I understand where you're coming from, I try and stick to one idea and expand on that but I seem to get what they call "writers block" and what I end up writing usually is poor trying to force lyrics out of a particular subject. happens to me all the time

[xmy.only.exitx]

i think it was pretty ok. but "I don’t deserve to hear those tears "??? i never thought you could hear tears.

[Clandestine™]

i think it was pretty ok. but "I don’t deserve to hear those tears "??? i never thought you could hear tears.

Thanks

It's personification, i.e. applying human traits to inanimate objects.

[xmy.only.exitx]

no offence at all. but personification would be giving some human traits to the tears, here you're just mixing up your senses.