foxy89
02/09/09, 04:41 PM
well its a long story. i have been so silly and i carry on doing so.
i have been with my boyfriend two and a half years. it all started fine, was all loved up and enjoyed spending as much time as i could with him. eventually i realised his job came before anything working 5/6 days a week 12 hours a day and i hardlies saw him. after about a year i started a new job, i started talking to this guy from my new job who was quite abit older than me but he didnt tell me he was engaged or that he even had a girlfriend, with most nights free as my boyfrind worked i started seein this guy and told me anything i wanted to hear and he was giving me the loving i missed from my boyfriend. in the end i did sleep with this guy which was a drunken mistake and his fiancee clicked on about me and we soon stopped talkin to each other. in the mean time my boyfriend clearly must have suspected something but did not even question it. i told my boyfriend that i didnt know if i was in love with him but it was like he didnt hear me and carried on as normal not even questioning my love for him. he never relly has been the soppy sort of person but would spend lots of money on me but to be honest i would have prefered the time with him.
then half way through last year i suggested a break for a week or two, which did help for a while and we started to get back to normal, we went on holiday. but soon after this it went back to him working all hours of the day and never seeing him, dont think he realises how hard it is for me. just after the new year just gone i met a guy online we chatted for hours eventually before meeting up, i did not tell him about my boyfriend. he is the nicest guy i have ever met, he makes me laugh, and i can totally be myself around him, the only thing is our lifestyles are far from close, i am still carrying on texting and seeing him. i know i am making my situation so complicated and being unfaithful but i miss having someone there to make me smile.
my boyfriend is probably the type of guy most people would find 'boring' i know its a awful thing to say but he has a heart made from gold and i know he wouldnt dare be unfaithful. i just want more excitment from him and more love. for the past couple of months i cant even tell him i love him, he says it to me but i cant say it back. we havnt even had sex in far too long. i have recently started university which i suppose hasnt helped us as i see him even less.
next weekend(valentines) he has booked a hotel room and planning on having a romantic night, to be honest im not even looking forward to it, but we are having a 'talk' the next day. i plan on breaking it up but i know im gonna break his heart and its gonna be the hardest thing in the world to do. i know anyone reading this will think why havnt i done it before now feeling the way i do and doing the things i have done. but i cant even talk to him, he will say later, he is so nice to me no matter what i do. i have been nasty to him but hes never nasty back so how can i do it? the other week i said some stuff to him and i had a bit of a arguement with him, well it was one sided from me, but the next day the first thing he says is that hes found a flat for us to look at and im like eh????!! i dont want him to know i have gone behind his back as it will totally break his heart, id rather jus end it. i dont think if i truly loved him i would have been unfaithful.
i have been with my boyfriend two and a half years. it all started fine, was all loved up and enjoyed spending as much time as i could with him. eventually i realised his job came before anything working 5/6 days a week 12 hours a day and i hardlies saw him. after about a year i started a new job, i started talking to this guy from my new job who was quite abit older than me but he didnt tell me he was engaged or that he even had a girlfriend, with most nights free as my boyfrind worked i started seein this guy and told me anything i wanted to hear and he was giving me the loving i missed from my boyfriend. in the end i did sleep with this guy which was a drunken mistake and his fiancee clicked on about me and we soon stopped talkin to each other. in the mean time my boyfriend clearly must have suspected something but did not even question it. i told my boyfriend that i didnt know if i was in love with him but it was like he didnt hear me and carried on as normal not even questioning my love for him. he never relly has been the soppy sort of person but would spend lots of money on me but to be honest i would have prefered the time with him.
then half way through last year i suggested a break for a week or two, which did help for a while and we started to get back to normal, we went on holiday. but soon after this it went back to him working all hours of the day and never seeing him, dont think he realises how hard it is for me. just after the new year just gone i met a guy online we chatted for hours eventually before meeting up, i did not tell him about my boyfriend. he is the nicest guy i have ever met, he makes me laugh, and i can totally be myself around him, the only thing is our lifestyles are far from close, i am still carrying on texting and seeing him. i know i am making my situation so complicated and being unfaithful but i miss having someone there to make me smile.
my boyfriend is probably the type of guy most people would find 'boring' i know its a awful thing to say but he has a heart made from gold and i know he wouldnt dare be unfaithful. i just want more excitment from him and more love. for the past couple of months i cant even tell him i love him, he says it to me but i cant say it back. we havnt even had sex in far too long. i have recently started university which i suppose hasnt helped us as i see him even less.
next weekend(valentines) he has booked a hotel room and planning on having a romantic night, to be honest im not even looking forward to it, but we are having a 'talk' the next day. i plan on breaking it up but i know im gonna break his heart and its gonna be the hardest thing in the world to do. i know anyone reading this will think why havnt i done it before now feeling the way i do and doing the things i have done. but i cant even talk to him, he will say later, he is so nice to me no matter what i do. i have been nasty to him but hes never nasty back so how can i do it? the other week i said some stuff to him and i had a bit of a arguement with him, well it was one sided from me, but the next day the first thing he says is that hes found a flat for us to look at and im like eh????!! i dont want him to know i have gone behind his back as it will totally break his heart, id rather jus end it. i dont think if i truly loved him i would have been unfaithful.