Oooh, Michael

[staid]

Micheal was a little boy – by stature. One who could run in and out of legs playing “in and out the dusty bluebird” by himself all day without letting the owner of the legs have the slightest clue about his unusual trajectory. His mother gave him all kinds of growth hormones to increase his height, as a result of which, he grew man boobs, an extra pinna , a post anal tail, etc (there were a lot of other sundry biological phenomena ) but height, you bet NOT. So one day Michael decided to commit suicide. But the fan was too high. He piled on chair upon chair but as luck would have it, the balance broke and so did his bones. He fell on his chest with a dull thud and except for some bones which were cushioned by his subcutaneous fat, all the rest were pronounced broken. Michael was so angry he tried to kill the nurse who was nearest him, but the nurse deftly somersaulted just in time, leaving a ghastly vision of polka dotted knickers behind. This image so traumatized Michael that he ran out of the hospital into the street and hid in an underground sewer for five years. When he came out, he stank like fifty years of unwashed Scottish feet. The air pollution statistics suddenly peaked to an all time high. Reports came from as far as Russia of mass deaths by a noxious gas that displayed some properties of toe jam. But nothing was confirmed. The culprit roamed wide and free.
TO BE CONTINUED.

[more heart]

This is a story, not lyrics or poetry.

[staid]

if you're scottish i'm sorry for hurting your sentiments.

[more heart]

if you're scottish i'm sorry for hurting your sentiments.

New York is definitely not in Scotland

[staid]

but in today's world, we do have transport, yeah?

[more heart]

but in today's world, we do have transport, yeah?

What the hell are you talking about?

[staid]

even someone whose brain would fit in a peanut shell would be able to follow that. but wtf stupidity is infinite.
thus i explain myself - what i mean is, who says a scottish native cannot be living in new york? i asked if you were scottish, not if you lived in scotland. just like a mexican can live in newyork and a chinese can live in toronto. i cannot make it simpler than that if you dont understand again.

[justletgo]

tP;dr

[more heart]

even someone whose brain would fit in a peanut shell would be able to follow that. but wtf stupidity is infinite.
thus i explain myself - what i mean is, who says a scottish native cannot be living in new york? i asked if you were scottish, not if you lived in scotland. just like a mexican can live in newyork and a chinese can live in toronto. i cannot make it simpler than that if you dont understand again.

No, I am not Scottish at all.

[staid]

i know you're not. it was a joke to begin with or rather sarcasm.

[staid]

tP;dr
whatever

[I_heart_todos]

what up

[justletgo]

Well, your font was too fluorescent pink to read without hurting my eyes. Therefore, tp;dr

[staid]

you forgot your question mark.

[staid]

Well, your font was too fluorescent pink to read without hurting my eyes. Therefore, tp;dr

if that hurts your eyes, im concerned. have you visited the optician? if not i think its too late.

[thespearkid]

It's shitty and it's pink.

[staid]

just like you.

[thespearkid]

I have to wonder why you'd bother coming here and posting your writing and then bitching at people who criticize it.

[staid]

I have to wonder why you'd bother coming here and posting your writing and then bitching at people who criticize it.

i came here for some real criticism. first of all, unless you're a pinkophobiac or poor of eyesight like my previous friend, or a closet gay, there was no need to show such vehement emotion about the pink color. giving criticism requires an analytical mind and a bit of intelligence, both of which you sorely lack. anyone, from a street beggar to a lunatic can tell me somethings shitty.there's no need to come here for that. get . it. spearkid.

[thespearkid]

i came here for some real criticism. first of all, unless you're a pinkophobiac or poor of eyesight like my previous friend, or a closet gay, there was no need to show such vehement emotion about the pink color. giving criticism requires an analytical mind and a bit of intelligence, both of which you sorely lack. anyone, from a street beggar to a lunatic can tell me somethings shitty.there's no need to come here for that. get . it. spearkid.
Since you come for real criticism, why bother making your piece annoying to read? If you happened to have read the rules, it would have told you that people who post in colored fonts are annoying as hell. And yes, it does hurt a lot of peoples eyes to have to read bright pink font against a white background, I know it hurts mine. And besides, you came here for criticism and I gave it to you but you apparently don't like the term "shitty" so I suppose I'll go into more detail.

The narrative is awful.
The grammar is awful.
The transitions are awful.
Your word choice is awful.
There is nothing good about this piece.

Accept criticism or get the fuck out. Or, if you'd prefer, you can quote me again and use all the little words that impress your other sixteen year-old friends but only serve to make you look like a jackass here and I can go into even more detail about how awful this piece is.

[staid]

Since you come for real criticism, why bother making your piece annoying to read? If you happened to have read the rules, it would have told you that people who post in colored fonts are annoying as hell. And yes, it does hurt a lot of peoples eyes to have to read bright pink font against a white background, I know it hurts mine. And besides, you came here for criticism and I gave it to you but you apparently don't like the term "shitty" so I suppose I'll go into more detail.

The narrative is awful.
The grammar is awful.
The transitions are awful.
Your word choice is awful.
There is nothing good about this piece.

Accept criticism or get the fuck out. Or, if you'd prefer, you can quote me again and use all the little words that impress your other sixteen year-old friends but only serve to make you look like a jackass here and I can go into even more detail about how awful this piece is.

hmm........your level of intelligence still doesnt impress me; but give it another try.

[thespearkid]

hmm........your level of intelligence still doesnt impress me; but give it another try.
Grow up.

[staid]

Grow up.

you go first.

[staid]

and btw i dont know what kind of fake bubble of superiority you might be living in but i'm here to burst it for you. ping!
so just dont go around trying to say things are awful. here are some tips to set you straight. i compiled them together with great care so follow them- for your own good and possibly for mine.here:
1. get some immediate rest.
2.as soon as you wake up, rub your eyes really hard and knock at your head. if it makes a hollow sound go back to sleep again. if not go to step 3.
3. log onto absolutepunk and cancel your account.
oooof. what i have to do for these dunces.

[staid]

btw SPEARKID, did you take your pills today, because your neighbour just called me to say that you ran off with his underwear. what's wrong with you these days, man. you've changed in a bad way.

[Roboman]

You're a fucking retard. And I automatically stopped caring about this "story" when I saw it was posted in pink.

[thespearkid]

I'm so sick of people posting sub-par shit and getting pissed when someone says it's sub-par shit. We really need to come up with a sort of unofficial Ten Commandments for this forum or something.

[CTMarshall]

seriously, this just isn't good. I get that you're 16 and probably just starting, but the story, subject, and style are lacking. It's probably good for a first attempt, but it's definitely nothing special. Maybe your continuation can change that.

[LoginBanned]

seriously, this just isn't good. I get that you're 16 and probably just starting, but the story, subject, and style are lacking. It's probably good for a first attempt, but it's definitely nothing special. Maybe your continuation can change that.

You are wrong, WHAT HAPPENS TO MICHAEL?!

[staid]

FOR ROBOMAN: calm down, roboman, i think you need to mend your circuits. not only are you bigoted, stupid and hilarious, but you go around sporting a name which shows you clearly have an inferiority complex about your physical appearance like michael, the protagonist of my story. growth hormones, roboman?

[staid]

to ROBOMAN: hey robogay not only are you stupid, bigoted and hilarious, but you go around sporting a name that clearly points to the inferiority complex you have about your physical appearance (just like Michael). if you dont mind would you go and check your iq score; if the program doesnt crash due to the large negative integer of your score, i'll sing you a good lullaby. promise.
to SPEARKID: first things first. did you return your neighbour's underwear?
to CT MARSHALL : hey ugly bear in the hat, when did you start talking?
to LOGINBANNED : thanks. and you'll know soon.

[CTMarshall]

to ROBOMAN: hey robogay not only are you stupid, bigoted and hilarious, but you go around sporting a name that clearly points to the inferiority complex you have about your physical appearance (just like Michael). if you dont mind would you go and check your iq score; if the program doesnt crash due to the large negative integer of your score, i'll sing you a good lullaby. promise.
to SPEARKID: first things first. did you return your neighbour's underwear?
to CT MARSHALL : hey ugly bear in the hat, when did you start talking?
to LOGINBANNED : thanks. and you'll know soon.

quit trying to be witty. it doesn't work for you.

[staid]

hey. ugly bear in the hat. i've included you as a character in "oooh, michael part ii". you're welcome.

[andrew4045]

New York is definitely not in Scotland

New Amsterdam


Also, this is hilarious

[more heart]

New Amsterdam


Also, this is hilarious

You're thinking of the Netherlands

[OldJersey]

this thread has far surpassed retarded.....into a whole new dimension.

[andrew4045]

You're thinking of the Netherlands

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Amsterdam

[more heart]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Amsterdam

Still no relation to Scotland at all.

[andrew4045]

Still no relation to Scotland at all.

I was relating it to New York.

[more heart]

I was relating it to New York.

I know, the whole thing was releated to the fact she thought I was Scottish. Anyway, this girl is ridiculous.

[samsara]

I hate girls who write in pink.

[staid]

I know, the whole thing was releated to the fact she thought I was Scottish. Anyway, this girl is ridiculous.
heyyyyy, but you still havent given me concrete proof.not fair.

[more heart]

heyyyyy, but you still havent given me concrete proof.not fair.

If it's about you being ridiculous, try this:


Micheal was a little boy – by stature. One who could run in and out of legs playing “in and out the dusty bluebird” by himself all day without letting the owner of the legs have the slightest clue about his unusual trajectory. His mother gave him all kinds of growth hormones to increase his height, as a result of which, he grew man boobs, an extra pinna , a post anal tail, etc (there were a lot of other sundry biological phenomena ) but height, you bet NOT. So one day Michael decided to commit suicide. But the fan was too high. He piled on chair upon chair but as luck would have it, the balance broke and so did his bones. He fell on his chest with a dull thud and except for some bones which were cushioned by his subcutaneous fat, all the rest were pronounced broken. Michael was so angry he tried to kill the nurse who was nearest him, but the nurse deftly somersaulted just in time, leaving a ghastly vision of polka dotted knickers behind. This image so traumatized Michael that he ran out of the hospital into the street and hid in an underground sewer for five years. When he came out, he stank like fifty years of unwashed Scottish feet. The air pollution statistics suddenly peaked to an all time high. Reports came from as far as Russia of mass deaths by a noxious gas that displayed some properties of toe jam. But nothing was confirmed. The culprit roamed wide and free.
TO BE CONTINUED.
If it's about me being Scottish, tust me, I'm not. I'm Irish.

[staid]

If it's about you being ridiculous, try this:


If it's about me being Scottish, tust me, I'm not. I'm Irish.
shit. that was close.