I miss her

[itsreciprocal]

I stand by the cold, black iron rail,
Kiss my sloppy hand-rolled cigarette,
Shield it with my trembling hand,
Flick vital fire into it and inhale.

The glassy clarity seeps into my brain,
As I watch the red radio-tower light;
It blinks with measured, detached beat,
And carries me away from my torment and my pain.

In warmer weather there'd be rain, not snow,
Drifting, wafting, dancing, falling, flying,
like the distant airplane far above this world
obscuring the glittering highway's ebb and flow

Sweet tobacco turns to something bitter,
Fills my lungs, my nostrils, my clothes;
Recalling Anna's smell,
I miss her.

[robat19]

/wrists, black eyes.

[andrew4045]

ohio is for lovers

[more heart]

Share Your Lyrics/Poetry forum

[raychull]

so how does that make you feel...?

[robat19]

BECAUSE YOU KILL ME!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU DO YOU KILL ME WELL!!!!!!!

x

[itsreciprocal]

Share Your Lyrics/Poetry forum

I missed that, guess I didn't look hard enough. Which main forum is that in?

ohio is for lovers

But Pennsylvania has intercourse!

so how does that make you feel...?

Nostalgic and a bit remorseful. She exploited my kindness quite a bit, but the good memories stay around longer than the bad ones it seems.

[robat19]

I feel left out, I didn't get quoted.

[more heart]

I missed that, guess I didn't look hard enough. Which main forum is that in?

It's not a major forum, just search through the list of forums on the forum page.

[lovely864md]

What the fuckity fuck is this?

[raychull]

What the fuckity fuck is this?
great post, ahah.

Nostalgic and a bit remorseful. She exploited my kindness quite a bit, but the good memories stay around longer than the bad ones it seems.

You took me way too literally.

[itsreciprocal]

It's not a major forum, just search through the list of forums on the forum page.

I'll find it, thanks.

What the fuckity fuck is this?

An attempt at a poem, I thought it was more constructive than bitching.

[acfrue]

I feel left out, I didn't get quoted.

Cause that guys like "pshhh, robat!?!? That kids a n00b."

[boysdontcry17]

lawl

[robat19]

Cause that guys like "pshhh, robat!?!? That kids a n00b."
AND I CAN'T MAKE IT ON MY OOOOOWNNN!

[lovely864md]

I'll find it, thanks.



An attempt at a poem, I thought it was more constructive than bitching.

For shits and giggles, I used to post in Lyrics and Poetry (which, by the way, is where this belongs) so here you are.

I stand by the cold, black iron rail,
Kiss my sloppy hand-rolled cigarette,
Shield it with my trembling hand,
Flick vital fire into it and inhale.

The glassy clarity seeps into my brain,
As I watch the red radio-tower light;
It blinks with measured, detached beat,
And carries me away from my torment and my pain.

In warmer weather there'd be rain, not snow,
Drifting, wafting, dancing, falling, flying,
like the distant airplane far above this world
obscuring the glittering highway's ebb and flow

Sweet tobacco turns to something bitter,
Fills my lungs, my nostrils, my clothes;
Recalling Anna's smell,
I miss her.

You are overly wordy and have no flow. "The glassy clarity seeps into my brain,/As I watch the red radio-tower light" needs to be switched around, otherwise that's very lopsided (and it doesn't need a comma). "My torment and my pain" is cliche, vague, and a cop-out. Third stanza is awful and unrelated. Last stanza is the best.

[itsreciprocal]

Thank you for the thoughtful response. Line 8 was my weakest line I feel. I have changed it to read "And carries me away from my trivial pain" Torment was much too harsh, in fact the opposite of what I meant.

This poem is just about what I saw and thought about while standing outside my apartment and smoking. I like to watch the cars and the airplanes at night. So stanza three was important to the content, but it is pretty bad, especially its second line. I'm still thinking of how to fix it.

[wroteurname]

Sounds like something I wrote before I had pubes.

[itsreciprocal]

Sounds like something I wrote before I had pubes.

Much like you before you had your pubes, this poem is still in its formative stages. Its voice cracks and it looks awkward, but it may yet manage to grow up.

[Heart-A-Tact]

The guy misses someone. I won't hate.

[caress me down]

great post, ahah.



You took me way too literally.
haahahahahahah I'm lawling at his response to you

[raychull]

haahahahahahah I'm lawling at his response to you
haha yeah.

Much like you before you had your pubes, this poem is still in its formative stages. Its voice cracks and it looks awkward, but it may yet manage to grow up.
good point.

[OdeToTheSun]

Dear Diary,

Mood: Apathetic...

[Willy McFurgle]

I stand by the cold, black iron rail,
Kiss my sloppy hand-rolled cigarette,
Shield it with my trembling hand,
Flick vital fire into it and inhale.

The glassy clarity seeps into my brain,
As I watch the red radio-tower light;
It blinks with measured, detached beat,
And carries me away from my torment and my pain.

In warmer weather there'd be rain, not snow,
Drifting, wafting, dancing, falling, flying,
like the distant airplane far above this world
obscuring the glittering highway's ebb and flow

Sweet tobacco turns to something bitter,
Fills my lungs, my nostrils, my clothes;
Recalling Anna's smell,
I miss her.

Dedicated to Anna Nicole Smith

http://sarcastro.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/anna_clown_fox.jpg

[fadedmemories]

/wrists, black eyes.
haha, exactly what I wanted to say

[Russia08]

haha, exactly what I wanted to say
coming from a guy with a fall out boy avatar...

[bigblue2015]

OP is in the wrong forum, OP needs to take his Aiden lyrics and move out.

[4N6 science]

the PL never ceases to amaze me.

[speakhandsforme]

Well, bud, the work is terrible and bloated with cliches: no denying that.

However, if it helps, I'm sure that the majority of girls that have posted/will post in this thread would actually fuck you if this was verbalized to them in a real life situation.

[Charles777]

BECAUSE YOU KILL ME!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU DO YOU KILL ME WELL!!!!!!!

x
YOU LIKE IT TOO, AND I CAN TELL

[headclub]

haahahaha,

FAIL

[buttoned-shut]

Recalling Anna's smell,
I miss her.

My name is Anna.. >.<
I wish the guy I miss, wrote this... I could relay this back word for word, but regarding him...
Great poem.
Keep it up.
A.

[fadedmemories]

coming from a guy with a fall out boy avatar...
Fall Out Boy owns you.

[ZeroGravity107]

Fall Out Boy owns you.

My old dried ejaculate owns you.

[fadedmemories]

My old dried ejaculate owns you.
I would have asked who the fuck are you but it doesn't matter becaue my own shit owns you.

[kaycey]

boring!

[a speedo model]

Too tired to really critique, but it wasn't very interesting. Expect more in depth later tonight.

[ZeroGravity107]

I would have asked who the fuck are you but it doesn't matter becaue my own shit owns you.
Ah but see, how would you know if it owns me if you don't know me?

lol I've seen you in the how to convince your girlfriend thread.

[Russia08]

Fall Out Boy owns you.
yea, you are so so so right they do.

[Kaleidoscope]

WAAHHh

[Kirsty.com]

Thats Real Good(: I Love it. Read some of my stuff, let me know what you think? If you have time, if not, no worries.

[spriltsc]

nice. EMO

[fadedmemories]

yea, you are so so so right they do.
It took you four days to reply and that's the best you could do?

[Russia08]

It took you four days to reply and that's the best you could do?
umm yea? i dont live on here like some people..and it's not like for 4 days i was pondering what i was gonna reply to that. i dont care enough to fight over something as petty as Fall out boy and how hardcore they are or are not. i could care less really. they're not my favorite and they're not my least favorite..they're just ehh. but yeaaaa.
and hey who knows..maybe they do OWN me.

[fadedmemories]

umm yea? i dont live on here like some people..and it's not like for 4 days i was pondering what i was gonna reply to that. i dont care enough to fight over something as petty as Fall out boy and how hardcore they are or are not. i could care less really. they're not my favorite and they're not my least favorite..they're just ehh. but yeaaaa.
and hey who knows..maybe they do OWN me.
TRUE DAT

x

[Jabble524]

hey this was I really good poem. I enjoyed reading it.