so far ♪♫

[gilfers]

and sometimes I think you're going to save me
you'll come right in & sweep me off my feet
I don't know where that'll leave me
you'll let me go and I'll fall into a heap
baby don't tell me you're surprised
that this is how it's ending
when you're the one throwing it away
'cos you're over pretending

now look at where we are
so far, from where we begin
so far, from adventures before we ran
so far, so far, from us
so far from where we were.

and sometimes I think that you'll forget me
that I'll just be the past & never be the last
I don't know where that'll leave me
you've moved on and left so fast
baby don't tell me you're surprised
that this is how it's ending
when you're the one throwing it away
'cos you're over pretending

now look at where we are
so far, from where we begin
so far, from adventures before we ran
so far, so far, from us
so far from where we were.

now look at where we're going
sailing off into the sun
and even though it's not together
it's so far from where we begun.

and look at where we're coming from
this is what I never thought I'd see
moving on without us together
so far from where I thought I'd be.

now look at where we are
so far, from where we begin
so far, from adventures before we ran
so far, so far, from us
so far from where we were.

[Mike Smith]

umm.....

[thespearkid]

I really get tired of saying this but... you use too many cliches. There are probably a thousand songs that have these same basic lyrics.

[Mike Smith]

I really get tired of saying this but... you use too many cliches. There are probably a thousand songs that have these same basic lyrics.

Were in agreement here :P. I write so many cliche songs, ad sometimes its not even intentional lol. But this song is just wayy cliche, and not a very strong song at all

Sorry but try again and maybe you'll get better feedback if you post a better song.

[gilfers]

thanks for the feedback, each to their own (:
we're into different things so I'm not surprised it's not your thing.

posted another; 11:11; my wish, have a look?
views appreciated (:

[Kirsty.com]

Personally I think this is amazing. You have a real flair with words.Great job,10/10(:

[gilfers]

Personally I think this is amazing. You have a real flair with words.Great job,10/10(:

thank you very much (:
that's very kind of you.

[Joshuah1]

Haha, this site is so bitchy. tbh.

[gilfers]

Haha, this site is so bitchy. tbh.

haha, it's all honest feedback (:

[Calvin's Shadow]

Ha, well I think it was pretty good, forget the cliches, these are lyrics, it's not about cliches

[gilfers]

Ha, well I think it was pretty good, forget the cliches, these are lyrics, it's not about cliches

haha, thankyou (:
and I do agree with the cliche thing, lyrics should have some cliches.
right?

[lew_1987]

No... not at all. What's the point in reading the same thing over and over again? I'm sorry but I can't believe you just said that you think lyrics should contain clichés.

[gilfers]

No... not at all. What's the point in reading the same thing over and over again? I'm sorry but I can't believe you just said that you think lyrics should contain clichés.

well if cliches help people express their feelings then they can be used as lyrics, because to me lyrics are just a way to express feeling.
everyone writes differently so it's not the same thing over and over again really.

[lew_1987]

well if cliches help people express their feelings then they can be used as lyrics, because to me lyrics are just a way to express feeling.
everyone writes differently so it's not the same thing over and over again really.

I don't get why you wouldn't strive to be different. Why should people be interested in anything you ever write if you are content with writing the same things everyone else has written many times?

And I understand the thing about wanting to express your feelings, but if that is the case, why not just keep them to yourself? Why do people need to read them if that's all you do it for? If you're serious about writing poetry or pursuing a career in music, you need to make a connection with people.

[gilfers]

I don't get why you wouldn't strive to be different. Why should people be interested in anything you ever write if you are content with writing the same things everyone else has written many times?

And I understand the thing about wanting to express your feelings, but if that is the case, why not just keep them to yourself? Why do people need to read them if that's all you do it for? If you're serious about writing poetry or pursuing a career in music, you need to make a connection with people.


I put my stuff on here to see if anyone thought it was any good, but all I've had is that it's not really. I wanted to see because I enjoy writing and I do want a career that involves writing and I am taking all the feedback I get on board so thankyou.

I do want to be different, but on here so far I've never read anything that's similar to what I have written, but that might just be my view on it.

thanks for reading and commenting anywho (:
have you read any of my others?

[lew_1987]

I put my stuff on here to see if anyone thought it was any good, but all I've had is that it's not really. I wanted to see because I enjoy writing and I do want a career that involves writing and I am taking all the feedback I get on board so thankyou.

I do want to be different, but on here so far I've never read anything that's similar to what I have written, but that might just be my view on it.

thanks for reading and commenting anywho (:
have you read any of my others?

I just had a read through a few of your other pieces, and here are my thoughts:

They are mostly too long. I don't know if you write music or if you intend to write music for these (it seems so seeing as you have 'choruses' for each piece), but if you were to write music for these you'd have to rush the words to fit them all into a song, and even then it would be too long. It does seem like you have certain ideas about how different parts of songs fit together, so that is a plus point. If you don't intend to write songs with them, you can probably ignore this, but make sure you are thinking with each piece about what is necessary and what is not.

Other than that, they are much of the same as this piece. Whilst there is hardly anything that I would personally salvage and try to improve, hopefully with time you will see that this is the right thing to do in the end. I think pretty much everyone starts off writing like this, and the sooner you use up all these clichés the better, so that you can move on. I started off writing some dreadful pieces, and once I learnt to let go I got better.

I'm glad that you can take criticisms on board, I've come across some people here who think that every criticism is a personal attack towards them. Being able to accept criticism is the first step to improvement.

[gilfers]

I just had a read through a few of your other pieces, and here are my thoughts:

They are mostly too long. I don't know if you write music or if you intend to write music for these (it seems so seeing as you have 'choruses' for each piece), but if you were to write music for these you'd have to rush the words to fit them all into a song, and even then it would be too long. It does seem like you have certain ideas about how different parts of songs fit together, so that is a plus point. If you don't intend to write songs with them, you can probably ignore this, but make sure you are thinking with each piece about what is necessary and what is not.

Other than that, they are much of the same as this piece. Whilst there is hardly anything that I would personally salvage and try to improve, hopefully with time you will see that this is the right thing to do in the end. I think pretty much everyone starts off writing like this, and the sooner you use up all these clichés the better, so that you can move on. I started off writing some dreadful pieces, and once I learnt to let go I got better.

I'm glad that you can take criticisms on board, I've come across some people here who think that every criticism is a personal attack towards them. Being able to accept criticism is the first step to improvement.

thanks (:
I know what you mean, before I go to writing like this the first stuff I ever wrote was awful & I have noticed that with different styles of writing that it has different effects on how the end piece will turn out, so maybe I will try that in the future and see where it gets me (:

thanks for your time and everything.
the feedback and all that jazz means alott (:

[leedaviesYEAH]

That's aweomse :)

[thespearkid]

Ha, well I think it was pretty good, forget the cliches, these are lyrics, it's not about cliches
No. If everyone wrote about the same thing in the same way, why would anyone read anything?

[gilfers]

That's aweomse :)

thankyou very much (: