I wrote this a couple months ago - feedback?

[take_this_ride]

A Song For November, A Wish For December (classy title, I know.)


I can see it in your city at night
this is where i want to be
decorations, up too early again
but I don't mind, I don't mind

and it feels like twenty below outside, but I've always been the one who tells the lies
sounds like someone you might know...

and I'm shaking when I shouldn't be
in front of you so nervously
why does this come so easy to me?
this all comes so easy to me

snow fell all over town the next day
she was taken by surprise
you can have anything you want
it's all free, it's all free

and it feels like twenty below outside, but I've always been the one who tells the lies
sounds like someone you might know...

and I'm shaking when I shouldn't be
standing there so nervously
why does this come so easy to me?
this all comes so easy to me

he finally turned and talked to me
and she kissed me on the cheek
he forgot me just as quickly
but she thanked me profusely

and I'm shaking when I shouldn't be
walking down your cobblestone streets
why does this come so easy to me?
everything comes so easy to me.



I'm aware that someone can probably find something incredibly cliche about this, but i mean hey, chances are that about 100% of people in this forum have written something cliche too.

[teddyb]

Hehe =) Cliches are everywhere, its juat a matter of how you use them :P I dont think it was like super cliche. I have written a lot of cliche songs myself =) I write songs all the time, every other song is filled with cliches, but I do that intentionally to get my ideas out =)

I think it was ok actually. Its not a a song that just instantly speaks to me, but after reading it and thinking about the song, I think its pretty decent =) I prolly cant do better myself tho so =)

[take_this_ride]

Hehe =) Cliches are everywhere, its juat a matter of how you use them :P I dont think it was like super cliche. I have written a lot of cliche songs myself =) I write songs all the time, every other song is filled with cliches, but I do that intentionally to get my ideas out =)

I think it was ok actually. Its not a a song that just instantly speaks to me, but after reading it and thinking about the song, I think its pretty decent =) I prolly cant do better myself tho so =)



thanks for your opinion! :D

[Mike Smith]

thanks for your opinion! :D


Meh...im personally sick of seeing songs with so many cliches in them. No offense because i mean even i write cliche songs soemtimes. But damn it people need to start working on their lyrical skills even more than i do. I mean some of my songs sometimes are either too cliche or dont make sense, but my god can it get any worse than what has been posted on here by others?

Once other people start seeing your post their going to be about as rude as me right now, if not worse. So dont think im trying to be a dick or anything, because im just stating facts.

Work on your musical skill, or i mean your lyrical skill and then come back with a better song than this.

[MattRM]

Meh...im personally sick of seeing songs with so many cliches in them. No offense because i mean even i write cliche songs soemtimes. But damn it people need to start working on their lyrical skills even more than i do. I mean some of my songs sometimes are either too cliche or dont make sense, but my god can it get any worse than what has been posted on here by others?

Once other people start seeing your post their going to be about as rude as me right now, if not worse. So dont think im trying to be a dick or anything, because im just stating facts.

Work on your musical skill, or i mean your lyrical skill and then come back with a better song than this.
Dude, you continually post some of the shittiest lyrics I've ever read and shrug everyone's criticism off by saying "I don't really care if you like it or not, it would do well on the radio." You're not allowed to talk about clichés. Not every song has to be about war or death or blood or whatever the fuck it is you write about. You definitely can't tell someone to go "work on" their skill and then "come back with a better song than this" when you can't get a single positive comment on anything you post. Get real.

[Mike Smith]

Dude, you continually post some of the shittiest lyrics I've ever read and shrug everyone's criticism off by saying "I don't really care if you like it or not, it would do well on the radio." You're not allowed to talk about clichés. Not every song has to be about war or death or blood or whatever the fuck it is you write about. You definitely can't tell someone to go "work on" their skill and then "come back with a better song than this" when you can't get a single positive comment on anything you post. Get real.


Haha wow. I'm pretty sure i'm living in America and can say whatever i please because i have my own rights. Like i said, i know i write a ton of songs with cliches in them, but i only post my shitty songs here, i dont post anything good i've written because its already been reviewed by people in the music industry and has gotten approval of being a good song.

So dont try telling me i cant say someone needs to work on something just because i cant get a positive comment on lyrics i post. Did you happen to notcie i say before every song i post that i already KNOW they suck? haha. If you're going to try to insult me at least do it with something i cant defend myself about. I know the songs i post here sucks...Thats the point of posting them here lmao.

And did you happen to notcie that theres 100's even 1,000's of other people on here besides me who post junk all the time and get criticized for it? So it's not only me who posts junk. I do happen to know what i'm talking about lmao

[whoaa]

Maybe its not the best song, but its a fair attempt. Everyone write cliche songs sometimes, but its a learning process.
I would recommend u to read some Incubus lyrics. Very clever writing

[justletgo]

Haha wow. I'm pretty sure i'm living in America and can say whatever i please because i have my own rights. Like i said, i know i write a ton of songs with cliches in them, but i only post my shitty songs here, i dont post anything good i've written because its already been reviewed by people in the music industry and has gotten approval of being a good song.

So dont try telling me i cant say someone needs to work on something just because i cant get a positive comment on lyrics i post. Did you happen to notcie i say before every song i post that i already KNOW they suck? haha. If you're going to try to insult me at least do it with something i cant defend myself about. I know the songs i post here sucks...Thats the point of posting them here lmao.

And did you happen to notcie that theres 100's even 1,000's of other people on here besides me who post junk all the time and get criticized for it? So it's not only me who posts junk. I do happen to know what i'm talking about lmao

Dear Mr. Mike Smith: We, the music industry, have gotten your lyrics about blood and war and are replying to inform you that they are super awesome. Your songs are now officially good songs.

I'm just guessing, is that how it worked?

[MattRM]

Dear Mr. Mike Smith: We, the music industry, have gotten your lyrics about blood and war and are replying to inform you that they are super awesome. Your songs are now officially good songs.

I'm just guessing, is that how it worked?
I heard it was signed by Tony Brummel and Jesus, too.

[Mike Smith]

Dear Mr. Mike Smith: We, the music industry, have gotten your lyrics about blood and war and are replying to inform you that they are super awesome. Your songs are now officially good songs.

I'm just guessing, is that how it worked?

Haha actually no thats not how it goes

Ive written songs that almost got me signed to a record label called One Eleven Records down in florida. And i've also weitten a song for a new up and coming girl group over in california(Kind of like danity kane). So i do have some good songs. Unfortunately a lot of my songs were lost once my computer crashed last week so i have to write them all over again if i can remember some. But no they didnt write me a letter like that...It was more of a letter stating how much they liked the songs i sent them and if i could get down to florida and record a demo with them to see how the songs would sound recorded. But unfortunately with me going to basic training this summer i couldnt do it, so i had to put that on hold for now.

[Mike Smith]

Maybe its not the best song, but its a fair attempt. Everyone write cliche songs sometimes, but its a learning process.
I would recommend u to read some Incubus lyrics. Very clever writing

True at least they are attempting. And i guess i sounded a bit more asshole'ish then i meant to on my first post, but oh well. And yes incubus has some very well written lyrics. But the question is did they write those songs themselves or did they have a ghost writer help write them like a lot of big name bands do now?

[justletgo]

I heard it was signed by Tony Brummel and Jesus, too.

Is this true Mike Smith?

[justletgo]

Haha actually no thats not how it goes

Ive written songs that almost got me signed to a record label called One Eleven Records down in florida. And i've also weitten a song for a new up and coming girl group over in california(Kind of like danity kane). So i do have some good songs. Unfortunately a lot of my songs were lost once my computer crashed last week so i have to write them all over again if i can remember some. But no they didnt write me a letter like that...It was more of a letter stating how much they liked the songs i sent them and if i could get down to florida and record a demo with them to see how the songs would sound recorded. But unfortunately with me going to basic training this summer i couldnt do it, so i had to put that on hold for now.

Best post ever.

[Mike Smith]

Best post ever.

Haha it should be a great post. Because its the truth. You guys dont seem to understand that i post shit on here for the fun of it just to see how many people will actually say its shitty. People like you. I appreciate that you do it because its fun to see what you all have to say about dumbass songs that people post on here.

[justletgo]

Haha it should be a great post. Because its the truth. You guys dont seem to understand that i post shit on here for the fun of it just to see how many people will actually say its shitty. People like you. I appreciate that you do it because its fun to see what you all have to say about dumbass songs that people post on here.

Great follow up to the best post ever!

[MattRM]

Haha it should be a great post. Because its the truth. You guys dont seem to understand that i post shit on here for the fun of it just to see how many people will actually say its shitty. People like you. I appreciate that you do it because its fun to see what you all have to say about dumbass songs that people post on here.
Okay then, why don't you post one of your good, "approved" songs on here and make us all stick our feet in our mouths? I'd sure like to see what the people in this music industry you speak of are enjoying these days.

[justletgo]

Okay then, why don't you post one of your good, "approved" songs on here and make us all stick our feet in our mouths? I'd sure like to see what the people in this music industry you speak of are enjoying these days.

He's going to say he can't, because his "computer crashed".

[Mike Smith]

He's going to say he can't, because his "computer crashed".

I said that MOST of the songs were lost i just have to find the ones that werent lost that i had written down on actual paper before the computer crashed. Give me some time to find them and ill post one alright?

[justletgo]

I said that MOST of the songs were lost i just have to find the ones that werent lost that i had written down on actual paper before the computer crashed. Give me some time to find them and ill post one alright?

Ok. I'll be waiting.

[talkshitgethit]

seriously some of the people on here are complete assholes, Theirs hardly any support, or encouragement ( i liked the post by the way) And pretty much all the people on here probably sit on the computer all day myspacing,facebooking, being complete losers. I wish people would talk as much shit on the streets as they do on here cause id drop every one of them, yall are assholes...Try a little more encouragement, orrr keep being dickheads and get your shit dropt. Have a nice day guys, and screw you


<3, ME!!!

[Mike Smith]

seriously some of the people on here are complete assholes, Theirs hardly any support, or encouragement ( i liked the post by the way) And pretty much all the people on here probably sit on the computer all day myspacing,facebooking, being complete losers. I wish people would talk as much shit on the streets as they do on here cause id drop every one of them, yall are assholes...Try a little more encouragement, orrr keep being dickheads and get your shit dropt. Have a nice day guys, and screw you


<3, ME!!!

lmao nice post ;D

[take_this_ride]

Meh...im personally sick of seeing songs with so many cliches in them. No offense because i mean even i write cliche songs soemtimes. But damn it people need to start working on their lyrical skills even more than i do. I mean some of my songs sometimes are either too cliche or dont make sense, but my god can it get any worse than what has been posted on here by others?

Once other people start seeing your post their going to be about as rude as me right now, if not worse. So dont think im trying to be a dick or anything, because im just stating facts.

Work on your musical skill, or i mean your lyrical skill and then come back with a better song than this.



it's okay, I probably write songs that you wouldn't like anyway.
I play acoustic pop punk ish stuff. but as long as the people I'm playing for like what I do, and as long as I'm happy with it, then I'm set.