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View Full Version : waiting for a moment ♪♫


gilfers
02/14/09, 03:39 PM
If I told you the truth would that be enough to make you care?
If I said I needed you, would you promise to be there?
'cos promises are easy and broken hearts are real
Sometimes I wonder what it is you say you feel.
'cos everyone needs someone, to always take their side
everyone needs a shelter where they can run and hide
Sometimes you need patience, and honest peace of mind
and if you ever need me, you know I'm always on your side.

Go ahead and tell me there's more to life then this
that you aren't waiting for the moment, that you never want to miss
to be swallowed in that moment, and pray it never goes away
to just be yours, forever and ever come what may
To be placed on top of the world, knowing nothing can bring you down
to be given the highest power, to be presented with the crown.
You aren't waiting for that moment? You're tired of waiting for that moment?

If I told you a lie, would you be able to tell?
If I told you that it hurt, would you believe that I fell?
'cos honesty is perfect and lying it destroys
tearing through your heart creating un-nessicary noise
sometimes everyone needs someone, who they know'll take their side
to purely be them self, where they never have to hide
to think about the world, with a open peace of mind,
to know where ever you are, I am always on your side.

Go ahead and tell me there's more to life then this
that you aren't waiting for the moment, that you never want to miss
to be swallowed in that moment, and pray it never goes away
to just be yours, forever and ever come what may
To be placed on top of the world, knowing nothing can bring you down
to be given the highest power, to be presented with the crown.
You aren't waiting for that moment? You're tired of waiting for that moment?

tell me I'm the person, who's always on your side
that I can be myself around, I don't ever have to hide
that makes you think of everything with a open peace of mind
that you say you don't make sense without, unless I am by your side.

I really don't believe, there's more to life then this
I'm tired of waiting for the moment, that all I do is miss
I'll never be swallowed in that moment, that I won't want to go away
but I want be yours, forever and ever come what may
I've been placed on top of the world, knowing nothing can bring can bring me down
handed the highest power, I'm still wearing the crown.
You've given up waiting for that moment?
I'm tired of waiting for that moment too
But then again, what else is there to do?

lex.
02/14/09, 06:59 PM
hmm.
well i personally think its a little cliché in some places.
not to be harsh...
and a bit wordy as well.

maybe try condensing the lines down a bit and use a thesaurus as well.
it definitely helps me when i'm writing.

always edit your work, nothing is every completely done.
the secret to writing is finding the right words to say...
it takes a while, but it’s worth it in the end.

all in all, this has a lot of potential.
with a few edits and chiseling off some words, it could be incredible.

-lex.
:]

de la sympathie
02/14/09, 10:39 PM
If you continue to post the musical notes after the title, no one is going to read it - guaranteed. Just a hint.

gilfers
02/15/09, 03:49 AM
thanks for that (:
I'm new to all this posting and stuff so all feedback's good (:
I'll deffo take it all on board, so thankyou.

(: