She Prefers the Abuse

[Leerycist]

The title refers to the emotional abuse - not physical - of being mistreated by men who don't appreciate the good type of girl who always falls into their trap.

Contsructive criticism preferred more than compliments, but both are welcome.

I will never find the one, 'cause she just walked away,
She'd rather have abuse, than me to make her day,
She says that she's cursed, but I took the burden,
I cannot do better, this much I am certain,
I yielded my all, and I'm feeling empty,
But my heart is full, of tainted love and envy,
Its beat has gone weak, placed within your hands,
We're not even speaking, depression on command.

I see you respond, to the thugs and players,
Piling ignorance, on top of me in layers,
Your cellophane suffocates, the sound my breathing used to make,
It must be my fault, to leave a choice for you to make,
Now it's up to you to fake, as if you never cared,
While I start life again, ever unprepared,
I'll never repeat this path, with you or any other,
We'll never be more than friends, my babies have no mother.

[Mike Smith]

"Your cellophane suffocates, the sound my breathing used to make,
It must be my fault, to leave a choice for you to make,"

Try no to rhyme the same word in a song, it makes the reader sometimes go ahhh why?

Other than that its pretty good, but if its a song it should be longer?

But i do like it and theres my little part to throw in

[Leerycist]

OK, I do see and agree with your point. Sometimes I rhyme the same word in consecutive lines when the preceding word is slightly altered or sounds the same (you/used.) Good point, though, thanks.

[Mike Smith]

OK, I do see and agree with your point. Sometimes I rhyme the same word in consecutive lines when the preceding word is slightly altered or sounds the same (you/used.) Good point, though, thanks.

No problem :]

[Calvin's Shadow]

I actually like, and I sometimes use corresponding words aswell like you/used, but other than that it has some alright lyrics and it flows.

[bangoballa]

i dig i dig