My Apology

[Mike Smith]

My Apology:

Verse 1:

I've done some things i'm not proud of
I've said some thing that made you cry
All you did was show me love
Said you'd be there for me till the day you die

Chorus:

And this is my apology to you
I'm sorry for all that i've done
I never meant to hurt you
Please let me right what i've done wrong

Verse 2:

There's more to you than meets the eye
You've been through hell and back again
But through it all you came out strong
And finally fell in love with the right guy

Chorus:

And this is my apology to you
I'm sorry for all that i've done
I never meant to hurt you
Please let me right what i've done wrong

(Bridge Here)

Chorus:

And this is my apology to you
I'm sorry for all that i've done
I never meant to hurt you
Please let me right what i've done wrong

(Outro)

[whoaa]

Not a bad song, but its all very predictable and very standard songwriting =) Good idea, try to spice it up a little =)

[Mike Smith]

Not a bad song, but its all very predictable and very standard songwriting =) Good idea, try to spice it up a little =)

Thanks. Any other things you have to say? Like any suggestions on how i could spice it up a little or whatnot?

[diehtc0ke]

Just about every line is a cliché. I'd start with that.

[Mike Smith]

Just about every line is a cliché. I'd start with that.

I've seen you say that about everything people have posted on here almost.

Can you explain how exactl it is cliche. Because i see you throw the word around a lot. Most people will explain how a song is cliche, not just throw the word around.

[diehtc0ke]

I don't know how to be much more explicit than every line is a statement that has been said over and over and over and over ad nauseum.

There is nothing interesting about any of your language or your metaphors because everyone has already seen them thousand of times. "There's more to you than meets the eye"? "I never meant to hurt you"? Come on. It puts me to sleep. You need to experiment and make phrases that are original and not from a Hallmark card.

[Mike Smith]

I don't know how to be much more explicit than every line is a statement that has been said over and over and over and over ad nauseum.

There is nothing interesting about any of your language or your metaphors because everyone has already seen them thousand of times. "There's more to you than meets the eye"? "I never meant to hurt you"? Come on. It puts me to sleep. You need to experiment and make phrases that are original and not from a Hallmark card.

Ok thats fair enough

I will take this into consideration and attempt to modify it and make it better.

[fishingthe_sky]

So, I've read about 4 of your other songs, and I beg you to please consider expanding your mind beyond abcb rhyming, 7 words per line quatrains. It displays a tremendous lack of creativity, and certainly fuels the many calls of cliche you get (which, I'm sorry to say, you deserve). I read somewhere that you "write what you know," and it leads me to believe that you perhaps listen to 5 songs that all sound the same. Now, I'm sure you listen to a wide variety of music (I hope), and it would do you good to step outside of the box you've put yourself in. Start by reading the lyrics of some great lyricists like Dustin Kensrue, John K Samson, and Aaron Weiss. They all write with rhymes as well, but display range in their abilities to write.

Please come back when you've done this and show us something different. Even if it's bad, I'm sure we'll all appreciate the effort.

Btw, I'm not saying this to be a dick. I'm saying this because you (and several other younger members on this forum) need to understand that the charges of "cliche" "uncreative" "boring" whathaveyou are meant to propel you away from what you are currently posting in hopes that you will put something actually worth the time to read. While it's not the most constructive way to criticize the pieces, it's also just about all that can be said at this point in time. Unless you step up your game and make an honest effort to improve your writing, you will find this forum a harsh environment. No one is saying you have to writing a masterpiece, but at least make it interesting for us who've been around the block a couple times.

[Mike Smith]

So, I've read about 4 of your other songs, and I beg you to please consider expanding your mind beyond abcb rhyming, 7 words per line quatrains. It displays a tremendous lack of creativity, and certainly fuels the many calls of cliche you get (which, I'm sorry to say, you deserve). I read somewhere that you "write what you know," and it leads me to believe that you perhaps listen to 5 songs that all sound the same. Now, I'm sure you listen to a wide variety of music (I hope), and it would do you good to step outside of the box you've put yourself in. Start by reading the lyrics of some great lyricists like Dustin Kensrue, John K Samson, and Aaron Weiss. They all write with rhymes as well, but display range in their abilities to write.

Please come back when you've done this and show us something different. Even if it's bad, I'm sure we'll all appreciate the effort.

Btw, I'm not saying this to be a dick. I'm saying this because you (and several other younger members on this forum) need to understand that the charges of "cliche" "uncreative" "boring" whathaveyou are meant to propel you away from what you are currently posting in hopes that you will put something actually worth the time to read. While it's not the most constructive way to criticize the pieces, it's also just about all that can be said at this point in time. Unless you step up your game and make an honest effort to improve your writing, you will find this forum a harsh environment. No one is saying you have to writing a masterpiece, but at least make it interesting for us who've been around the block a couple times.

Thanks a lot for that constructive piece of criticism

I actually really appreciate that. I am kind of stuck in the abcb rhyming because i'm so used to writing poems and stuff(Thats what i did before becoming a songwriter). I would write a ton of poems, and a ton of different things like that.

And yes i do have a HUGE variety of music i listen to, including dustin kensrue :].

But thanks again, and i really will try to write some sort of thing that doesnt really rhyme, or if it does rhyme not be so cliche about it

Thanks again!