Michigan

[bangoballa]

Hey guys, I would appreciate feedback, this song is called Michigan, I wrote it pretty much because I got dumped after a fairly long relationship.

Michigan

302 days ago I said I love you.
Now it's been 32 days since I've heard those words.
This loneliness is undeserving.
You've put a curse on my heart.
These days go by ever so quickly.
Everyday I get further and further from you.
Yet these thoughts in my mind won't foresee you.
This emptiness I feel
makes me want to drive away.

I will drive away
On this high way
Watching the leaves fade from the trees
Seeing the sky cry out snow
I can now leave each memory of us
Behind.


Remember that one day at the mall
Where we felt our lives wouldn't fall.
The warmth of your touch
Was the curse of my heart.
My heart bleeds for you
But you keep getting further and further away
These thoughts in my mind won't foresee you
This emptiness I feel
makes me want to drive away.

I will drive away
On this high way
Watching the leaves fade from the trees
Seeing the sky cry out snow
I can now leave each memory of us
Behind.

I don't know how I managed to live without you.
All these drinks and drugs help me no more.
How did my brightest days, turn out to be
Be the darkest of nights?

I will drive away
On this high way
Watching the leaves fade from the trees
Seeing the sky cry out snow
I can now leave each memory of us
Behind

I'm never going back where my heart was broken
I'll never return to Michigan.
I'll keep going further and further away
Yet these thoughts in my mind won't foresee you
This emptiness I feel
makes me want to drive away
I'll never return to Michigan

[bangoballa]

thanks for the feedback guys!

[bangoballa]

really, u guys gonna just read it and not comment, i need feedback, i don't care if u think it sucks, i can handle it, i'm 20. but do whatev my yo

[fishingthe_sky]

I don't think you quite understand what the word "foresee" means.

All in all, this piece is pretty melodramatic and hackneyed. One detail that really doesn't make sense is "these days go by ever so quickly." First of all, don't say "ever so" ever again. I cringe every time I see this phrase. Thematically, it makes absolutely no sense for the days to go by quickly.

[lfdfforever]

too straight forward for me

[Meenaghey Aym]

i liked this. yes it could use work but I disagree with the whole dont use this line or that line. I think you shud refine this piece. But I think it has massive potential!

[bangoballa]

thanks guys! keep it up, i'm going to post another piece shortly.