Caught In The Breeze

[Calvin's Shadow]

In the backround of a sound that rings in my ears so clearly, the spellbound question and that quote was it can be handwrote in the back so nearly, but you try to forsake this box, that surrounds me entirely and completely, I wonder why I should want to go, and leave this mode in weakening, I know my attempts are made so feebly, and know that long ago you could see me, but dreams have mixed with my reality, and this calamity means my time has had me.

Right now I will vanish into the breeze, and tarnish that barrier that has confronted me, and despite all of these thoughtless curses, I will leave to breath and break through this surface. I know that one day you will come to trust me, and hope someday I can finally stop all the rushing, but your lies have twisted my thoughts so blind, and if on time's rewind, I'd jump on my mind. I would jump on it and pound it clear, summon pits and overcome the fear, because if you really wanted to let your heart show, then long ago you would have let me know.

[cris545]

One thing I applaud you for: being 14 and having better vocabulary than a lot of shitty posters on here.

Other than that, this was almost completely incoherent. On the first part I only understood the first line up until ''and that quote.'' You have way too many things going on, tone it down, carry your point across and don't make things complex just for the sake of it, that's not what makes a piece of writing good.

[diehtc0ke]

Reading it in my head as slam poetry, it works well. That's only when I'm not trying to figure out what's being said. Sonically, it's pleasing (at least to my own inner ear). That being said, "I'd jump on my mind?" What the fuck is that even saying?