Is Once One To Many?

[Apollo II]

Is Once One Too Many?





Confinement burdens the guilty,
put upon the juvenile,
distractions aside,
I have none,
and i begin to get annoyed,
face welded to the wall,
pen,paper, and a empty mind,
am I to suffer for my inexperiences?
have i lost out?
Ive made the wrong decision once,
is once one to many?
some may say,
some may demand,
some may ponder,
obsolete memories,
and denial combined,
anyone is more perfect than me,
everyone is more perfect than me.


Tell me what you think.

[aminorthreat55]

Switch the last two lines around so it goes anyone, then everyone.

[Apollo II]

Switch the last two lines around so it goes anyone, then everyone.

Will do,aside from that is it good?

[Stereo Mike]

Will do,aside from that is it good?
no.

[ArTkY_]

It's not bad at all. Pretty good actually, some of the wording should be changed. Like "and i begin to get annoyed". Annoyed isn't the best word. And at times its a little whiney, other than that it's good.

[punkpixie]

You need to spell your title right so that I believe you can spell before I waste my time reading the rest of the poem. It's not a good start to spell the title wrong.

[xforestxwaitsx]

I agree with tariq. it's good, and had potential. your wording could use some work. instead of adding an "s" to the end of inexperience, I would just say inexperience. and "annoyed" does sound childish. over all good concept, keep working, it'll be great! :D

[Apollo II]

Thanks everyone for the feedback and suggestions.