"Vintage 2006"

[livingalive626]

do to a friend of mine wanting me to sing in a pop/punk band with him, i tried my hand at writing a song that fits that genre....
so this is one of my most straight forward songs ever, and im a little scared to even post it, but i'd like an honest critique. (and this is minus a bridge...im working on it)



Vintage 2006


im counting on the concept that
truth between candid hearts can never do harm
but you did more harm than good when you
looked at me and I fell for you
I fell for you
and now im just waiting on something
anything


So now that I just spilled my
heart to you I can only
hope that the stain bleeds
through your shirt


im counting out the reasons with the
petals of the roses that I bought you last year
cause I waited too long to tell you
but maybe feelings age like wine
oh, “here’s to you!”
and now im just waiting on something
anything


So now that I just spilled my
heart to you I can only
hope that the stain bleeds
through your shirt

[Meenaghey Aym]

i like some of the metaphorical concepts...u do know flower petals and foot propelled pedals are not the same? just wondering if u meant that. work more on it. its promising. just bc its pop\punk doesnt mean u hav to stifle ur lyrical creativity

[livingalive626]

haha thanks ya i meant petal sorry, brain fart there.
but yeah ok...again thanks. after i come up with a bridge ill edit it in there and maybe make some more changes.
and i guess i jus don't assoiciate pop with creativity haha.

[Meenaghey Aym]

yea a lot of ppl dont, simply bc so many braindead artsists make up the genre. dont fall into their idiocracy.pop\punk is a way something sounds. maybe has to do with topic too.like i suppose it shud be a simple topic but simple topics dont have to be stupidly written ;-)

[livingalive626]

so true. haha. but its hard so thats why i asked for feedback.
anyone else?

[fishingthe_sky]

Honestly, the chorus flirts too much with "You're So Last Summer" for my taste. Plus, it's relying on a play on words with "to" and "on" and I don't really like it. The metaphoric conceits you use here are pretty old.

If you want lyrical creativity in pop-punk look at Northstar.

[livingalive626]

haha like i said

this is not my cup of tea

but thanks