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Meenaghey Aym
03/03/09, 11:04 AM
Curious to see how this one is received...

Truly Heartbroken

~Verse 1~

He walks from the car
It’s his very first day apart
From the ones he holds closest to his lonely heart
See she left without a word
And now he can’t make a sound
But none the less emotionless the tears begin to fall
As he walks through the empty house his every step seems to echo
He goes to bed and sleeplessly he counts the seconds till the morn
No kiss goodnight, no bedtime prayers with his baby boyo
A million sights and smells and memories he can’t ignore

~Interlude~

SUNG: Are you afraid to be alone?
SCREAMED: I’m so afraid to be on my own

~Verse 2~

He wakes with a sweat
Another nightmare in his head
He looks around and realizes there’s no waking from this dream
There’s a feeling of decay
Its mid afternoon Saturday
So he pops another pill in hopes of sleeping away his pain
He dreams she comes back to him, as he falls to his knees at her feet
His sons rush to his side asking Dadda’s what’s wrong
He wakes with tears in his eyes finding he can cry whiles he sleeps
His life his purpose and all such passion suddenly were gone

~Interlude~

SUNG: Are you afraid to be alone?
SCREAMED: I’m so afraid to be on my own

~Verse 3~

He runs to the man
And as he’s scooped into his arms
His father starts to cry so hard as confusing as things are
Then he goes home to his mom
But it’s not the home he knows
Now bedtime comes and that familiar face is no where to be found
As he looks at momma crying, he tries to console her
He thinks of every time he was sad his Dadda’s arms were there
He can’t understand why they’re so far from home so far from the answers
No idea what tomorrow is but he can’t help but be scared

~Interlude~

SUNG: Are you afraid to be alone?
SCREAMED: I’m so afraid to be on my own

~Verse 4~

Yes it’s finally arrived
He’s so happy that its time
His Dadda’s taking them out tonight knowing everything will be alright
Dressed up in Spiderman
And he couldn’t know the plans
But to be a family again is all he wishes for in his mind
And then the days pass by and months and years come and go
Night after night he and his brother wonder where there father’s gone
No kiss goodnight, no bedtime prayers with his loving Dadda
A million memories haunt his dreams but where do they come from

~Interlude~

SUNG: Are you afraid to be alone?
SCREAMED: I’m so afraid to be on my own
SUNG: Can’t turn back now we must press on
SCREAMED: There’s nothing here everything you loved is gone

fishingthe_sky
03/04/09, 11:08 AM
Pretty straightforward narrative. Nothing really to say. "Nightmares in his head" seems a bit like stating the obvious.

Meenaghey Aym
03/10/09, 05:38 AM
yea maybe but the next line states that its not just in his head so it helps set up that at 1st he thinks its just a nightmare then realizes it is a reality.

can I get some other feedback? I put hard work into this one. to try to say exactly wat i need to... it was hard to say the least

redmoon
03/12/09, 03:32 PM
cliched and cliched and boring

Meenaghey Aym
03/13/09, 07:46 AM
oww, that was a cheap shot. thanx fer that buddy. i thot we were being objective here. trying to help ech other improve as writers. explain me how this is cliched? most guys dont care to be a father. this song is all about a man wanting to be the father he can be.. but hey ur entitled to ur opinion. maybe u dont have a father? or at least a good one?

Meenaghey Aym
03/18/09, 08:22 AM
BUMP...there is only 1 valid comment here....