Deep Inside

[Michifoxx]

Deep Inside

The world is so different, looking through my eyes
Seeing is believing so I'm blinded by lies.
Tell me how, my eye is dry but yet still cries.
My body sore, from the pain deep inside.
Emotion that won't go away
And everywhere I go, misery follows me.
My spirit died.
My motivatin is gone,
Along with the rest who were keeping me strong.
I want it gone.
Make me numb so I don't feel pain no more.
I'll take the easy way out
Instead of being dumb, taking everything that comes my way.
I lost all devotion.
It's like everywhere I look, your all the same.
I'm starting to scare myself.

Its just somehing I wrote few days ago in the middle of the nght..I tend to wake up with these thoughts.?
lol well honestly tell me what you think.

[Meenaghey Aym]

u sound depressed.. honestly, but writing these thots down can be very helpful towards not becoming too depressed. we all feel pain and the way we deal with that pain is the only thing that keeps us sane. I like the raw emotion in it. very simple tho. also run a spell check...:viking:

[Smeee]

Title led me to believe this was about sex.

Thread does not deliver.

[Mike Smith]

Title led me to believe this was about sex.

Thread does not deliver.

Lmao i agree completely 100%

[billyboatkid]

Title led me to believe this was about sex.

Thread does not deliver.
Seriously, I totally thought this was gonna be about fuckin.

[bangoballa]

everyone is so mean, i think it was good michifoxx :)

[Meenaghey Aym]

everyone is so mean, i think it was good michifoxx :)

hey hey hey! hey now couchepaty i sed nothing mean! other than it was depressing! but thats not so much a pessimistic statement as it is a realist view point :-p

[trappedintime]

:pet: You know you can always count on me for anything. I'm just a seat or a phonecall away.

[thespearkid]

It's not good. You keep jumping back and forth between structure and no structure with no discernible reasoning behind the shift. Also, you've got a couple of cliches and grammar mistakes.

[fishingthe_sky]

In response to thespearkid, I don't think structure was a big factor here, so it's sort of excusable, but I do agree that it's a little distracting. I would say that the heavy-handed reliance on rhyme, especially in the first few lines, is more distracting. And yes, there are some definite grammar mistakes here. But if there's one thing that is killing this piece, it's the use of "no more." Please please pleaaaaaseeeee fix this.

[Michifoxx]

ah..well thanks for your suggestions...and honesty.

[unwritten]

of you...

[EatItSucka]

I feel your pain, now feel mine:

Where is the one I need?
For her I would suffer and bleed
Wish I could start over
Struggling to stay sober
What is the point of trying?
When all I am doing is dying

Like an addict on withdrawal
She was my heroin
And I’m all out of change
I’m in for some more sin

Hoping for a miracle
Waiting for a sign
Is some one watching over me?
Anything now is fine

The plate is empty
Mind overflowing
Rather starve than follow
Thinking is knowing

[Michifoxx]

Hmm...I really like the last line "thinking is knowing"
this seems like something i would write..

I understand .

[livingalive626]

its good, but so so cliche. which makes it corny.
to be honest.