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View Full Version : "Robert Smith lied, boys do cry" (please comment)

..: Loki :..
10/19/05, 09:09 AM
Someone once asked me how this thing
> made me feel,
This was my reply.

"It tears at me,
It reaches into me chest
> and pulls my heart out
Then it touches it, molests it,
> and rapesit.

It tears me from inside out
> and outside in

But, I pretend to be ok
I force smiles
Dull the pain with sleep and dream
> but that doesn't help when I have certain dreams;

But it's ok."

That's when she leaned into me
> Resting her head on my chest
>> Listening to see if my heart is still beating.
She brushes the hair out of my face,
> looks deep into my sad eyes
>> then goes back to listening to my heart beat

* This poem was inspired by the movie 'Hitch'
*yes I know the title is a line from an Atreyu song (The Crimson)
punkpixie
10/19/05, 02:42 PM
Why would you write a poem based on that awful Will Smith movie?

I don't like it anyways, so it makes no difference to me.
actionandaction
10/19/05, 02:47 PM
Why would you write a poem based on that awful Will Smith movie?


hahahahahahaha.
lackofcolour 13
10/19/05, 03:05 PM
Why would you write a poem based on that awful Will Smith movie?

I don't like it anyways, so it makes no difference to me.
ha. fucking a. ha.

I dont know. Misery poetry seems like such well worn territory. Thats why I do not write poetry yet, because It's all that I would ever be able to write.
swirlofhues
10/19/05, 03:43 PM
keep tryinginginginging.

the only criticism i have is that your poetry is very ambiguous. "Someone once asked me how this thing". you might want to replace that word with what I think you were aiming for (love), or at least describe it more eloquently.
rocker_05
10/19/05, 03:45 PM
I don't even get it...and it sucks, so that doesn't help. Keep on writing, and write about more cheerful things.
lackofcolour 13
10/19/05, 03:52 PM
keep tryinginginginging.

the only criticism i have is that your poetry is very ambiguous. "Someone once asked me how this thing". you might want to replace that word with what I think you were aiming for (love), or at least describe it more eloquently.
you're smart. and pretty.
..: Loki :..
10/19/05, 05:38 PM
Why would you write a poem based on that awful Will Smith movie?

I don't like it anyways, so it makes no difference to me. It's not about that movie, it's about the (at the time) recent breakup with my ex-girlfriend, while I was watching that movie, I kept thinking of us, the movie just inspired the words
swirlofhues
10/19/05, 07:57 PM
you're smart. and pretty.
:redface: haha, aw, thank you. you're a sweetheart.