Untitled

[as_we_learn]

There's a crack at the edge of this world
where we all will fall and spin and swirl.
Cavort into the bliss of our ignorance
and we will sing, oh sing so loud and proud.

And at the gates of heaven I'll be asked.
"Son, how'd you end up here without a scratch?"
I'll reply without a single doubt,
it was her that brought me back
when I almost lost myself.

A new resolution buried in my past.
A new decision to be made, lose her
or bring back every bad habit in my other half.
No I'll never do that.

And at the gates of heaven I'll be asked.
"Son ,how'd you end up here without a scratch?"
I'll reply without a single doubt,
it was love that brought me back
when I almost lost myself.

Will I lay in this earth with you by my side?
Or stare out of this world towards the stars
slowly burning into something dull and gray?
As I will end up believing I am infinite,
as long as I live with the love that you spread.
The loveliest sickness.

[Tead42]

I am tired atm but I think I'm liking this.

I'm very confused with "the loveliest sickness," because you don't present this girl as a sickness, but as a remedy.
It's a good message, though, and I think it has potential.

[fishingthe_sky]

There's a crack at the edge of this world
where we all will fall and spin and swirl.
Cavort into the bliss of our ignorance
and we will sing, oh sing so loud and proud.
I really don't like the the last line. It feels like a cop out to say "sing loud and proud," as there are enough synonyms to make this phrase have some real oomph to it.

And at the gates of heaven I'll be asked.
"Son, how'd you end up here without a scratch?"
I'll reply without a single doubt,
it was her that brought me back
when I almost lost myself.

A new resolution buried in my past.
A new decision to be made, lose her
or bring back every bad habit in my other half.
No I'll never do that.
This stanza is confusing as to what's happening between the subject and his lady-friend.

And at the gates of heaven I'll be asked.
"Son ,how'd you end up here without a scratch?"
I'll reply without a single doubt,
it was love that brought me back
when I almost lost myself.

Will I lay in this earth with you by my side?
Or stare out of this world towards the stars
slowly burning into something dull and gray?
As I will end up believing I am infinite,
as long as I live with the love that you spread.
The loveliest sickness.
I too am a little put off from this last line, as it seems contradictory to the message of the rest of the song.

It's ok, nothing ground-breaking or immediately grabbing, but not bad either. The first stanza feels weird because it doesn't really conform to the rhyme scheme that seems to be in place with the rest of it. I was expecting a rhyme to end the stanza, not such a different sound with "proud."